Page 34 of Just A Little Love

“Did you get finished?” I hadn't wanted to admit I was eavesdropping, but I was in the room. It couldn't have been a secret if he had set me up to work in here with him.

“Yeah, we're negotiating for me to do another building in London. I like doing art museum spaces. They want a modern building, but it will be surrounded by historical buildings. An appropriate blend of the two is tricky work. Too modern and it will stick out like a sore thumb, but not modern enough and it won't be visually interesting.” The excitement in Daddy’s voice was clear, and he obviously loved his work. I would be sad to see him go when he left for good.

“Will you move to London for it?”

I was so subtle.

“Move? Nah. I’ll end up going for extended periods a few times, though.” His voice was absent-minded as he looked down to shuffle through his notes. “Did you get your stuff done?”

“Mostly. The end of the boot camp is always a rush of grading; then it's two weeks before the new term. It’s always a madhouse at the end of this one, super quiet for a week, and this whirlwind again before the spring one starts.” Sitting in his study together was the picture of domesticity, and there was nothing I hated about the feeling.

“You were texting someone pretty furiously. Everything okay?” He’d slipped on a pair of dark-rimmed glasses and, Oh, Holy Gods of Queers everywhere, Daddy looked hot. On a scale of one to ten, he was a twenty.

“It was Anders. He wanted to meet for brunch and said I should bring you too. D-d-do you want to join us?” I tried to hide my nervousness, but my stumbled words gave me away. Daddy studied me with a puzzled look on his face, and it made me uncomfortable. “You don’t have to come if you’d rather not. It’s fine. I’ll get out of your hair and call an Uber. Enjoy your Sunday. I’m sure you have more important things to do than hang out with us and eat tacos.”

As I spoke, I forced myself off the couch and headed out the door. I immediately realized my mistake the moment I stood up and began to move. It was impossible to make a quick, dignified exit while wearing afuckingdiaper. It doesn’t hit the same to waddle away.

Fuck. My. Life.

Chapter 19

Gabriel

Rory gave me whiplash.

This morning started so promisingly. I woke to a sexy bunny draped on top of me. He’d spent most of the night in the same position. I loved the feel of a poofy ass, and his was perfection. I had trouble keeping my hands off it, so I didn’t try hard. Unfortunately, I had an early morning meeting, so no mutual wake-up blowjobs like I fell asleep dreaming about.

When Rory wandered in this morning and settled himself on the sofa, the musings from yesterday had cemented into the ideaI could make it work if we were both willing to compromise. There had never been a time when I could put a face to the person I might want to spend the rest of my life. It had always been a nameless, faceless man, but no defining characteristics. Seeing Rory gave me a face and name; it was no longer a vague suggestion to figure it out someday. Almost against my volition, a plan had crystallized to keep Rory in my life long-term and attempt to sustain a real relationship. I imagined more mornings where we worked in tandem in the office at our respective pursuits, and more double dates with friends. It could be coloring pages on the fridge and toy blocks on the living room rug every day. Maybe a few pets? I hadn't ever imagined myself as a father. Did Rory?

What I didn't imagine was that any of this would happen in my high-rise apartment. The picture that always crept into my brain was of Rory’s Victorian, on the edge of the bluffs. Speaking of Rory’s house, I wanted to go over the status of the paperwork and review the upcoming meeting I had with the planning department for permitting. I’d get Nico moving to schedule an appointment with the contractor from the club.

Everything was fine until he got agitated after the text messages. Anders’s opinion mattered a tremendous amount to Rory, so perhaps he expressed reservations? Rory left my office and stomped down the hallway. Nothing was cuter than a little’s waddle when they were diapered, and Rory was no exception. But I couldn't let him walk out like this. Selfishly, the muttering to himself about how to exit in style while diapered was a monologue I didn’t want to miss.

“Hey, Bunny, can you tell me what is happening now?” I asked after we’d both reached my bedroom. My hands moved to his shoulders, but Rory kept his stiff back to me. My hands began kneading his tight shoulder and, bit by bit, I felt him relax. After a few minutes, I heard an almost inaudible sigh. He dropped his head back onto my shoulder. “Tell Daddy what's wrong.”

Rory sniffled, and waged a monumental effort to keep his tears in check. I flipped him around so I could see his face, but rather than look at him, I pulled him close and hugged him tight. He drifted his hands down my sides until they gripped my hips, but he kept his face hidden. “C’mon, Baby Bunny, what's going on?”

“Gabriel, I’m making a mistake here.” Although we hadn't been seeing each other long, it felt like forever since my government name came out of his mouth. I didn’t like it. I only wanted him to call me Daddy, and he damn sure wasn’t making a mistake by being with me.

“I know it’s temporary, and I hate it. I don’t want to experiment with you to find out what I want from another daddy. I want to experiment with you so you can be my Daddy, even though I know it will end after the VD thing. Maybe it’s the same thing, but it feels different. Inviting you to lunch was a bad idea because why would you want to hang out with Anders and me when you can hang out with cool doctors and eat fancy food at fancy restaurants? I keep forgetting we aren’t real and only deals and experimentation. I hate it.”

“Wow. Okay, so that was a lot. Do you hate being with me? Or do you hate the idea we aren’t together with a purpose?” Rory did his level best to look anywhere but right at me. “Bunny, my jobas a Daddy is to take on adult problems so you can be little. If you don’t tell me it’s a concern, I can’t fix a damn thing. What I need from you is to talk to me. You decided, and I didn’t get a chance to respond because it was a conversation in your head.”

Rory looked chagrined and, like when he was nervous before, he was wringing his hands together and twisting his fingers together. I gently closed my hands around his own to stop the fidgeting. “Bunny, I need you to take a moment and breathe. You are going to sit in the chair over by the window for a few minutes. Breathe. No decisions. No big thoughts. Can you do that?”

Rory didn’t answer, but gave me a curt nod and perched on the edge of the chair. I forced myself to turn away and go back to my office to grab his house file. If nothing else, he should know what was going on with his house. I allowed him a few minutes to compose himself. The daddy in me wanted to put him in my lap and cuddle him until everything was good again. Calling me Gabriel was a flashing red light that he wasn't in any kind of little space. Some people keep their little selves contained except for specific circumstances, and others, like Rory, float in and out.

When I returned, Rory still sat in the chair like I told him with his legs tucked up underneath him. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was even. When I approached, Rory opened his eyes. He didn’t smile, but seemed considerably more even-keeled. I kneeled next to him with one hand on his knees.

“Bunny, we’ve made a damn mess, but I think we can lay the blame squarely on me. I’ve muddled up exactly what I wanted from you, and that’s unfair. I should have been clear from the beginning and stuck to it.” Shit. This sounded like a break-up.

“Daddy, that’s not true. I don't understand why I was spiraling this morning. Everything was wonderful until it wasn’t.” His brain caught up the words I was hoping he’d skipped. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in this position. It must have been so awkward with me hanging on you. Yeah, I should have gone this morning.” Rory tried to stand up until my hand on his thigh kept him in place.

“It’s hard to believe I can explain anything because I am fucking it all up this morning.” Rory was watching me warily, but he remained where I had stilled him. “That came out all wrong. I am attracted to you and I should have led with that. Instead, I proposed a business deal we tossed within days. Hell, how would anyone feel secure under those circumstances?” I rubbed my hand up and down Rory’s thighs. “I know I said it was temporary and that I would help you discover your little side. Except I don’t want it to be temporary either. I want to see where this goes for real.”

“Are you sure? Please don't say that just because you want to be nice and you think you should. If you don’t want to be my Daddy after the party thing, it’s okay. I’ll understand. I know being someone wasn’t part of your plan.” Rory chewed on this lip when he wasn’t talking, and I could already see it was raw and red. I gently used my thumb to pull his lip away from becoming trapped between his teeth and absentmindedly rubbed it.

“I’ve been doing some soul-searching, Bunny. My focus on my career means I’ve lost track of friends and family. I got to thinking about how I met this great guy, and he’s everything I say I want someday, so why the hell would I throw it away now? It doesn’t make any damn sense.”

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