Page 54 of Just A Little Love

The silence in the room felt endless. The air was thick with tension, making it difficult to breathe for all of us. Jakob took a steadying breath before he pushed himself off Reed’s lap. He wasn’t crying, but tears gathered in his eyes, and it was only a matter of time until they overcame his sheer force of will.

“Gabriel, I thought you were my friend. I won’t speak for Reed, since your relationship with him isn’t mine to police. You lied. I thought Rory and Anders could be real friends. You took them away. I’m really mad at you.” Jakob lost the battle to contain his tears, and they streamed freely down his cheeks. “And I’m sad for me. I hope you fix things with Rory, but I think you should leave.”

Jakob kissed Reed on the cheek before exiting the room. Reed remained still and quiet but didn’t join in the request for me to leave.

When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I finally spoke. “I want to fix this. I didn’t anticipate it blowing up like this.”

“Why are you telling us now?”

“Justin, my ex, was at the house when Rory stopped by, behaving as if he owned the place. He told Rory we were still together. Rory believed him and cut us all off.”

“There’s no way he lives with you, so that’s something.”

“I swear I never meant to hurt Jakob. It never even crossed my mind how this would affect him.”

Reed sighed heavily and rubbed his knuckles on the raised seam of the chair. “This is fucked up. I don’t even know what you were thinking because you obviously weren’t. That said, I know you’d never hurt Jakob on purpose. I'll go to check on him, but he won't forgive you until you get Rory back. And chocolate. That man is an addict. Wine would help too.”

“Thank you. Rory is my next stop.”

Reed headed off to soothe his boy, and I went to find mine. If I were lucky, I would get to do the same.

Rory had to know that I wasn’t going anywhere.

Chapter 29

Rory

My evening plans to get caught up on semester prep had been a complete failure. The only thing I accomplished was reimagining the conversation with Apartment Guy but with better comebacks. After I reviewed, examined, and inspected that dumpster fire a few dozen times, I moved on to every single conversation and text message Gabriel and I ever exchanged. My dignity might be the last thing I left. And I forced myself not to cry.

After I left the apartment, there wasn’t much left for me to do except go home and wallow in my misery. I held myself togetheruntil I was upstairs in my bedroom. All my babies were waiting for me on the bed, so I crawled under the covers, clutched them as tight as I could, and cried myself to sleep. I was still crying by the time the sun came up. My phone had been buzzing all night, but I didn’t respond to anyone.

Teaching wasn’t going to happen, so I canceled my classes and called in sick. At some point, I’d migrated from bed to the couch. The thick envelope I picked up at Gabriel’s apartment lay on the coffee table, mocking me. He’d said there were some signatures needed, and it was important. I’d figure it out later.

Why send me to the apartment? He had to know that his boyfriend was there. Did he want to get caught? Why introduce me to his friends? He said Jakob struggled to make friends and then pulled this fucked up shit where I got cast as his side piece? It was more than cold. It was cruel. He was always nice to Uber drivers and retail workers. My parents were ready to marry me off to him after one meeting. He always seemed nice. Like a genuinely nice guy.

A nice guy I thought I loved.

If I followed my usual MO, it wouldn't even be too soon to laugh about it, except for the cheating part. I’d call up Anders, remind him about the bargain I made, say the guy came through and paid, and then it turned out he was lying the whole time about a secret life. My choices were questionable, and I fell into the idea of love way too easily, but I was never a cheater. Ever.

The worst part was I missed Gabriel. Bone-deep missed him. I’d become so accustomed to texting him silly memes, and he sent dumb ones back. He’d gotten into the habit of texting me first thing in the morning to wish me good morning and was the last one to say goodnight. Until yesterday, I believed I was in love with him, despite knowing deep down that this relationship would eventually end. I wanted us to figure out a way to be friends. I liked him, not just as the guy who made me see stars when he fucked me, although that was fucking incredible too, but as a person. Ending likethiswas never in my plans.

Gabriel had been my Daddy, albeit a temporary one, and I missed how it felt to be in a little space and feel protected. There was no urge to go there now. The only thing left was an ever-present feeling I might never go there again. I found a part of myself with him that I never knew existed, and now it felt forever linked with him. What if I never felt that much like myself again? It was like dropping a kid in the middle of the North Pole and introducing Santa and showing how magical it could be, then telling them never mind because it wasn't for them. That was where I felt right now, and it was fucking heartbreaking. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to keep him, but I wouldn’t lose being a little too.

I loved who I was with Gabriel because I felt more seen than I ever had. Gabriel saw me as I wanted to see myself, and no one but him had ever peered into my soul like that. Foolish me thought he liked it enough to be upfront and honest with each other.

Since I was so preoccupied with trying to work out Gabriel’s motivations, I ignored whoever was pounding on the front door.Anyone I’d want to speak to had a key, so I blocked out the noise and kept staring at the ceiling instead. When the banging didn’t let up, I hefted myself off the couch so I could tell them I wasn’t going to buy anything or convert.

Through the leaded glass, Gabriel waited for me on the other side. Turning around and crawling back to the couch wouldn't have been a bad option, but I’d always been a pull-the-band-aid-off kind of guy, so I opened the door instead.

He looked wrecked.

“What do you want?” It was difficult to keep my voice flat with the giant lump in my throat. “Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend?” Damn it. I wanted to play it cool.

“My boyfriend wasn’t answering his phone, so I came to see him. I wanted to make sure he was ok.”

“Please don’t. I know our arrangement wasn’t permanent, but I honestly thought we’d become friends. That meant a lot to me, and finding out that it didn’t mean shit to you sucks.” I blew my hair out of my eyes and tried to hide how close I was to losing all control. “Just… don’t.”

Hell would freeze over before I admitted my foolish self thought I was in love with him.

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