Page 25 of Just A Little Fling

“Oh! Oh! Nico! Nico!” Rory waved wildly before jumping to his feet and rushing to me across the room.No. No. No.My cover was blown, and Gabe would see me. He wouldn’t see his competent assistant, only a boy who needed direction.Gah.I knew enough about Rory to know there’d be no stopping the little barreling his way across the room. Unfortunately for me, his slip-ons were in sports mode. I was trapped.

“Nico! You came an’ Daddy’s here. Wanna sit with me? I color. You wanna color?”

“Hey, Rory. I was just on my way out.” His crushed expression broke my heart.

Since Rory had come into Gabe’s life, he’d never been anything but kind to me. When he visited Gabe, he always made sure to speak with me and ask how I was. When Rory brought lunch, he always double-checked if I wanted anything. I wasn’t immune to his sad puppy-dog eyes either. “Maybe for a second.”

“Yay!” Rory’s fisted hand shot into the air and he did an abbreviated happy dance. He’d been spending a lot of time with Jakob, and it showed. His outburst was cute in its own way, but Rory’s was more spinning and less butt-shaking. “C’mon. We gonna put your pretty picture on your fridge?”

“My fridge doesn’t need it.”

“No, you need a pretty house. Owen makes the bestest and prettiest houses. He gonna make it pretty for you?” Rory grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the sitting area he’d been in. His supplies were spread out along with his book. Gabe, thankfully, only nodded in my direction and went back to his conversation. He didn’t introduce the guy chatting with him, and I didn’t ask either.

“Owen’s busy.” I found a page in one of the unused books and helped myself to the crayons. If I concentrated on my drawing, maybe I could forget Gabe was here. Rory chattered on about the guys, and I listened with half an ear. It was a pleasant buzz that didn’t require me to pay attention that closely. Once wound up, Rory didn’t need much input from me. Anders, his bestest non-little friend, was working hard and had the meanest boss in the whole world. As sad as Rory sounded about it, I was glad it wasn’t me. My boss was the best.

“Daddy! Look who’s here!” I heard the shouts long before I figured out who was shouting. Or why. When I finally spied Jakob, he was tugging his Daddy, Reed, forward and making a beeline straight to our little group. As much as I didn’t want to see him because I’d never get away, I wanted to just as much. It was impossible to dislike Jakob. He was a ray of sunshine in a human suit.

“Nico, came to play wit us?” Jakob asked when he plopped down on the floor next to me. They’d clearly coordinated their outfits because Rory was a pink axolotl and Jakob was a lavender one. Their getups were cute though. No judgment.Did they sell green ones?

I appreciated the boys were trying to stay big for me. Just from seeing Rory around the office, I knew his natural state when he was in little space was much younger than he was presenting now. He also knew from the other day that I was a middle, and I knew in my heart he was trying to make me comfortable, which was the sweetest thing. And very much Rory.

“I like your outfits,” I said shyly. Rory and Jakob beamed at my compliment.

“Thank you. Daddy gots it for me,” Jakob replied.

Rory nodded emphatically and added with a grin, “Daddy gotted mine too. He’s the bestest Daddy in the whole world.”

“Boys, what are you talking about?” Reed asked.

“We tell Nico about our prezzies,” Jakob answered.

For the first time, maybe in ever, I was sad that I didn’t have a Daddy to buy me prezzies. I was the one who never wanted to be tied down, and I had exactly what I wanted. No commitments. No promises. But until I’d spent time with Babbo, I’d never even considered it was something to miss. But with these two boys looking like the epitome of happiness, maybe there was more to what I thought I never wanted.

There was this calmness around them that scared the crap out of me. And that frightening thought propelled me out of the space I’d been floating toward. In a flash, it was gone, and the realization that this wasn’t the place for me replaced it.

“Boys, I’m gonna go. Thank you for letting me color with you.”

“It was nice to see you, Nico,” Gabe said softly as I gathered myself to leave. All I managed was a curt nod. There would be no hanging out in the middle section for me today. I just needed to go. I felt fragile and a little broken. The longer I stayed, the more lonely I felt.

On my way out of the club, I glanced at the crown-making station. The littles looked like they were having so much fun. They were laughing and playing in the glitter. A few times, their Daddies told them to knock it off because they were throwing it at each other, and I wanted to be a part of all of it. I wanted to giggle and forget who I was in the real world—a high school graduate who didn’t know what he wanted to be when he grew up.

Since the Rumpus Room was a bust, I decided to head over to the regular dance club. If I got lucky, there’d be someone there I could occupy my time with. Hell, even a blowjob in the restroom would take the edge off tonight. There’d likely be at least one good-time friend there, and it would take my mind off the handsome man I’d cut out of my life for a dumb reason I didn’t really even care about. What I wanted was for him to ignore my decision to separate myself and invite me over anyway.

I refused to let myself fall into the trap of thinking a Daddy was needed. There was no need to speculate about whether I needed someone to take care of me when I was perfectly capable of that on my own. As far as I knew, there wasn’t a handbook that said I couldn’t spend my age play time being as independent as possible. Restricted to scenes at the club or a hosted visit meant I was free to be myself and be perfectly satisfied. I could still do whatever I wanted, didn’t need to ask anyone’s permission, and didn’t need anyone to tell me what to do.

I stomped down the street, upset at life, myself, Levi, and everybody in the world. By the time I got to the club, I’d worked up a head of steam and was ready to blow it off. After a brief stop at the bar to down a shot or three and start a tab, I left my jacket on the empty chair and headed to the dancefloor. My stomach burned from the cinnamon and bad decisions. Properly woozy, I reached the floor. A few guys I knew gave me a nod of greeting but didn’t intercept me.

Nothing would interrupt me this time.

Not the boys being boys.

Not my boss.

Not a sexy man who was probably at home on a couch watching a superhero movie I really wanted to watch.

I was going to work off all this pent-up energy. By the time my night was done, I planned to suck someone off in the restroom and forget I’d ever imagined the idea of what it would be like if Levi was my forever Daddy. I would wash that man right out of my hair and then restyle it to perfection. With my mantra in place, I landed on the dance floor and threw myself into the beat. Every pulse of the bass hit my heart. It took some work to lose myself because, at first, I recoiled from every touch by someone who wasn’t Levi.

The only person I wanted grinding up on me was Levi, and he wasn’t here. I seriously doubted he was interested in going here with me, being with me, or even talking to me. A tiny voice in the back of my head reminded me I was the one who shoved him away. I knew my catastrophizing brain had fueled my decision about breaking things off with Levi and likely fed me lies about why it needed to be done. Even though I knew that, I couldn’t deal with the reality of it. Instead, I threw myself into the scorching nonstop dance beat, song after song, until I could let myself grind on anyone looking for it.

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