Page 34 of Every Heartbeat After

Tess is beautiful. I’ve thought it since I first saw her picture on Gary’s tiny phone screen, but today it hits me square in the chest. Her short blonde hair, which is tucked back with heart-shaped, tortoiseshell sunglasses, makes the warmth of her skin all the more apparent. Narrow face, body, and features. She looks like she was built for flight. But soft in every place that matters, including the edges of her eyes, which relax as she gazes up at the giant wall of glass before us.

It’s painful how much I want her. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt a desire like this, and I’m not quite sure what to make of it, only that it hurts in the way a new PR in the gym does. Like it’s breaking you down and growing you at the same time.

“Have you forgiven me for trying to kill you?”

Tess snickers under her breath but doesn’t look up at me. “Holding grudges isn’t really in my nature.” The shifting water in the tank casts reflections around the room which dance like waves of silver on Tess’s otherwise serene expression. “Besides, I think you suffered enough to balance it out.”

I let out a huff of laughter. “I’m still a little woozy, now that you mention it.” I glance down at her just in time to catch the hint of a smile. “But did you have fun?”

A curt nod. “Of course.”

“Head injury notwithstanding?”

“Oh yeah, I’ve had worse.” She takes a sip of her coffee and licks a stray drop off her full bottom lip.

Suddenly the massive viewing space we’re in doesn’t feel so big after all. I clear my throat and face forward, focusing on two dolphins playing with neon-colored rings that remind me of hula hoops. “What was your worst?”

“Are you asking me about my trauma, Kit?” She waggles her finger. “Tsk tsk.” I clamp my mouth shut and she laughs. She’s entirely too pleased with herself. “Tore my ACL during cheerleading practice my senior year. That suckedbadly.”

I whistle quietly. “One of my buddies tore his at basic. Not pretty.”

“Thought you didn’t have any friends?”

Does she remember everything I say? Or in this case, everything I don’t. It’d be flattering if it weren’t so inconvenient. “I have friends. They all pretty much live in Loveless, though.”

“But none from your time in the military?”

I shake my head. “We were all part of a big friend group. A bunch of couples, you know. Their wives took my ex’s side in the divorce, and they chose not to rock the boat. We chat if the need arises, but not otherwise. We’re friendly. Not friends.”

She’s quiet for so long that I glance her way just to check she’s still there. As if I weren’t already aware of her in an unhealthy way. Every millimeter she shifts away from me, I feel its loss.

“So,” she says finally. “This divorce. What happened?”

I groan internally. Probably a little externally, too, based on her raised brows. I can’t help it though; I’m so tired of telling this story. “She cheated on me while I was deployed. A lot, actually. But I caught her once, when I came home early. And that was that.”

I have needs,she’d screamed.You’re always away. What was I supposed to do?

How about keep your fucking vows?I’d snarled it right in her face. I’m not proud of it, but in the moment the only thing I knew to do with all the hurt was to turn it into anger.

“How long ago was that?” Her voice is quiet but not full of pity like I’ve come to expect. There’s sadness there. The kind that comes from empathy. Like she knows how it feels to have her whole life imploded in an instant.

“Over four years now.” I cross my arms and settle into the railing along the wall. People stroll in and out of the room while the dolphins play on, completely unbothered. It’s soothing. Like life is on pause for a bit. I find I can breathe a little easier because of it. “I’d planned to re-up, but after that… I waited until my contract ended and got out. Found the job in Loveless and never looked back.”

She studies me carefully, like she might find the answer to some unspoken question if she looks close enough. “Have you seen anyone else? Since the divorce, I mean.”

I laugh, but it’s a tad self-deprecating. “Ironically, Zoey and I went on a few dates when I first moved to Loveless.”

“Zoey as inGary’sZoey?” When I nod, her mouth forms a perfect O. “She seems like she’d eat you alive.”

I give her a pointed look. “I think that’s my type.”

She drops my gaze to take another sip of her coffee.

“Anyway, she had feelings for Aaron, and things never really felt right between us anyway. We make better friends.” Speaking of, I owe her a phone call. She’s been blowing me up since word got out about where I am. Part of me just isn’t ready to share what’s happening here. Mostly because I don’tknowwhat’s happening, or if anything ever will.

“So.” Tess drags the toe of her Birkenstock across the low-pile carpet, focusing on its path as she speaks. “What about those other ice creams you mentioned sampling?”

I snicker at the forgotten metaphor, and she glances up. If I were a betting man, I’d say she’s fishing. For what, I don’t know.

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