Page 64 of Every Heartbeat After

That’s the crux of it. The part I don’t tell anyone. When your parents, the people you look to for your own sense of self, die young, logic tells you that you will too. I can’t imagine myself outliving my mother. Can’t fathom anything beyond a fortieth birthday candle to blow out.

It’s why I’ve never quite gotten around to really growing my own roots, beyond those I inherited from my family. Why bother, when they’ll be ripped up soon enough?

As I trace the crooked bridge of Kit’s nose with my fingertip, noting the freshly bronzed skin from our time together in the sun, I can’t help the longing that overwhelms my every nerve ending, every cell. I’m transformed by the want. It’s in my tightly squeezed lungs that cling to a breath of his warm, weathered-wood scent. It’s in the kiss I press to his sleep-ruffled hair, grown long enough to now brush his ears when it’s not gelled properly.

It’s in my prayer, silent and pleading, as I beg the universe not to take him from me, too.

I hadn’t realized the tears were falling, nor that my eyes had drifted closed. Not until Kit’s thumb scrapes the peak of my cheekbone, coming away damp, and he whispers, “Tess, are you all right? Did you have a nightmare?”

I peel my lids apart with some effort, after they’d been glued by my tears. “Something like that.”

A waking nightmare. Story of my life.

“I’m so sorry.” He leans forward to kiss me, but I dodge him, covering my mouth in a flash.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

“Convenient, because neither have I.” Then he plucks my hand easily from in front of my mouth and fuses his lips to mine. Suddenly I don’t give a shit about morning breath. In fact, I’m able to bury every negative thought, every deep-seated fear, in the ever-tightening space behind my sternum, allowing happiness to float up in its place.

Because I’m here now. I’m happy today. And since that’s all any one of us is guaranteed, I decide it’s enough for me.

After he’s effectively stolen my breath away, he relents, shifting instead to tuck my head into the curve of his throat before wrapping his arms around my shoulders. Neither of us is clothed, and why would we be? Every moment one of us finally started to drift off in the night, the other would stroke a soft patch of skin or whisper a confession made possible by the scant moonlight, and soon we’d be entangled once more, exploring new and newly favorite parts of one another till just a couple hours before dawn.

“What would you like to do today?”

I catch sight of the rings glinting on my finger and smile. Tilting my head up slightly, I make my request to the hard edge of his jaw. “Permission to stray from the list, sir?” I murmur, savoring the sting of his stubble against my lips.

An exasperated groan rumbles in his chest. “Permission granted.”

I push up onto my elbows so that we’re face-to-face, ignoring the grunt earned from a misplaced appendage to his chest. “There’s a market my mother loved. All different vendor stalls with everything from jewelry to fresh vegetables to a hot dog stand that serves the best devil dogs this far from LA.”

“What do you know about devil dogs? Or LA?” he asks, quirking a brow. His hazel eyes are framed by sleep-darkened lashes, making them stand out in stark relief. So beautiful. And currently, so confused.

“I worked briefly as a personal stylist for a B-list singer from Foley. Spent many a weekend trip with her in LA.”

His expression is momentarily unreadable, followed by a mesmerized smile. “What haven’t you done?”

“Hmm.” I tap a finger to my lips, pretending to contemplate the question far longer than I truly need to. “Never been to space.”

“We’ll work on that, then.”

“Adding it to the list?” I ask, both brows raised.

He taps my nose and grins. “Look who’s coming around to the list.”

I roll my eyes. When I move to shift my weight off his chest, he stops me with a vise grip around my midsection and snarls a kiss into the bend of my shoulder. I shriek and try to push away, but he only squeezes me tighter, play-nibbling at the sensitive skin of my throat.

When laughter saps me of my strength to resist, Kit takes the opportunity to steal a kiss. His head flops back onto the pillow, and he gazes up at me adoringly. “Fine, we shall abandon our list. But only for today, because we have dinner plans tomorrow night at the Ortiz household.”

My mouth pops open. “You did that?”

He shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure I barely got the words ‘dinner’ and ‘with you’ out before Jenna was running with it. If anyone deserves your gratitude, it’s her. I’m merely a vessel.”

I kiss the corner of his mouth. The space between his dark brows that is much less manicured now than it was the day he arrived. The harsh line of his jaw. Finally I lick his earlobe and follow it up with a gentle bite. “Thank you. So, so much, Kit.”

I feel his muscles go limp around and beneath me as his gaze turns somber. “It’s the least I can do after everything with my brother. My parents. The accident…” His voice trails off, suddenly unstable.

“Have you heard from him?” I ask softly.

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