Page 24 of Wired Fear

“Not that bad. I’m almost done here, then I’ll go work on my place.” Jake had purchased a metal-framed futon that made into a queen size bed, a desk and office chair, some bags containing bedding, and appliances still in their boxes in the kitchen. The metal parts of the futon were spread out on the carpet carefully, along with a battery-powered screwdriver. Jake knelt, picked up the schematic, and continued with his assembly.

Sophie shooed the dogs away from his carefully laid out diagram and walked across the living room area to the sliding glass door. Out on the deck, she leaned her arms on the railing and took a few deep breaths of the salty air wafting off of Hilo Bay. Late afternoon sun gilded the ripples on the ocean’s surface with a shine like fool’s gold. “I like this place much better by day. Being able to see the ocean is lovely.”

Jake grunted, and she turned to peer at him. Focused on his project, his big shoulders bunched as he secured a rod to a section of curved metal piping. Jake seemed completely absorbed.

Sophie went on. “I think I might like the bed, since it doubles as a couch, left out here in the living room so I can look out the window at the ocean during the night.”

“I thought you wanted the extra room.” The drill whirred. “And liked your blackout drapes.”

“I want to try something different.” And maybe she would need the extra room—for the baby.

Sophie’s stomach roiled at the thought, but she breathed through it. Psychosomatic, that’s what this was. Just thinking about being pregnant was making her have all the symptoms.

Sophie walked into the kitchen and began unboxing an electric teakettle, noticing the already assembled desk and office chair in the bedroom. She could work in there with her laptop.Perfect for now.“Is the internet hooked up yet?”

“Yep.”

“Oh, good. Thank you.” Sophie unpacked the basic kitchen supplies and stowed them in Formica cupboards, feeling a pang of regret for the soulful treehouse she’d lived in so briefly. This conventional apartment was a big change from that—but still an upgrade from the motel they’d been in for the last weeks.

Jake was soon done with the assembly and they moved the futon couch/bed to where Sophie wanted it, close to the sliders so she could look out at night.

“I’ve got to get my place set up.” Jake headed for the door, all business.

“All right.” Sophie watched him go, frowning.Did he want to spend the night together?Eat dinner together? He’d made no mention of it, and her stomach growled.

She usually let Jake decide what they were eating and where, but it would be a relief to be able to fix some food that wasn’t from a restaurant. Jake deserved a meal after all his hard work.

Sophie made up the futon bed. The dogs had fallen asleep in the bedroom, snuggled up together, so she left them there and went back to the motel, packed her things and checked out, and drove to the market. She bought tea, vegetables, meat, rice, yogurt, eggs, and other basics. She paused as she was putting a six-pack of beer in her cart—and then took it back out.

No more drinking until she knew one way or the other about being pregnant. She had to get that test out of the way!

Back at the apartment, Sophie unpacked the groceries and laid out the ingredients for a vegetable and beef stir-fry. She loaded brown rice in the brand-new cooker Jake had bought—so thoughtful. He’d noticed that rice was a staple of her diet.

Jake would be a good father.Sophie felt sure of that.

But would Sophie be a good mother? With her depression? With her history of abuse? With the way her mother was? And what about the things the baby might have been exposed to already, given her crazy lifestyle?

Questions burst across her brain as her hands moved, seemingly disconnected from her body, measuring the rice, adding water, closing the lid, plugging in the machine.

Sophie removed the pregnancy test box from her backpack and stood staring at it. If only Marcella were here to support her through this moment…and what would Sophie do if she were pregnant? It would change everything.

Her pulse sounded like surf in her ears. She felt dizzy.

The door opened. “Sophie? You’re back…” Jake’s words died as his gaze fell on the small white box in her hands. “What’s that?”

“A pregnancy test.” Her voice sounded completely calm and normal even as her vision got spotty. She forced herself to breathe. “I’m late on my period.”

His eyes widened. “Are you…”

“I don’t know. That’s why I have to take this.” A bubble of hysterical mirth emerged in a squeaky giggle. “I’m so scared.”

“Oh, Sophie.” Two strides, and Jake had her in his arms—that warm, solid place where she could lay down her burdens. “You should have told me.”

“I couldn’t.” She shook her head, rubbing her face back and forth against his shirt front, snuggling into him deeply. He’d showered and changed; he smelled of lemony aftershave and clean male. “I’m not ready to know yet, myself. But then I went to buy beer, and I decided I have to know.”

“Beer as decider. I totally get it.”

She snorted a laugh into his shirt. “Okay. I’m glad you’re here for this.” She detached herself. “The moment of truth.”

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