Page 27 of Wired Fear

“Marcella? Are you there?”

“I’m here. Sorry. It’s just…wow! Oh my God!”

“I know.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Give birth to the baby.” Heat flushed Sophie’s body and her spine stiffened with resolution. She set down the bamboo spatula and walked back and forth, sorting her thoughts. Ginger’s brown eyes tracked her anxiously, and she trailed a hand over the dog’s head in reassurance. “I know it’s a terrible idea, in practical terms. A baby will interfere with my work. I will have to make a whole lot of changes. It will be challenging to get through all of this as a single mother. But this is my child. I’ve always loved kids, and never thought I could have any. This is a secret longing of mine. A dream I never imagined would come true.”

“Good.” Marcella’s voice firmed. “Good, Sophie. Because I can only imagine what would happen with your depression if you…got rid of it. You’d hate yourself. For all the reasons you just told me you want to keep it. I know you well enough to know that.”

“Yes.” Sophie’s stomach rumbled, and she returned to the kitchen. “Do you mind if I eat while we talk? I fainted after I told Jake. I’ve gone too long without eating.”

“You fainted? You told Jake? Oh man! What did he say?” Marcella’s voice had gone high-pitched and her rapid-fire questions made Sophie dizzy again.

“Jake said he needed some space. And he left.” Sophie carried her bowl of rice and stir-fry across the room. “He was upset that he might not be the father.”

“Oh crap, Sophie! You must have told him about that time with Alika. I knew that was going to blow up… I need some wine.” Sophie could hear her friend padding across the wooden floor of the little cottage outside of Honolulu that she shared with her fiancé, Marcus Kamuela. Being able to picture their pretty, tidy little home almost made Sophie smile.

Sophie carried her food outside and sat cross-legged on the textured floor of the deck. Ocean-scented air off of Hilo Bay wafted up to cool her hot face. She took several bites of the stir-fry with rice. She enjoyed the tastes and textures of the food, the way her stomach immediately settled.

Savoring little things, when big things were too much, was something she could always return to.

“I’ve got my wine and I’m on the back porch. Ready to really dig into this deep kimchee,” Marcella said. Sophie heard the creak of her friend’s chair.

“And I’m on the deck of my new apartment. Eating. It’s a nice place to be. Thank you for being someone I can always call, no matter what.”

“You got it, girlfriend. Now, back up the bus and start at the beginning. When did you first suspect you might be pregnant?”

Sophie told her friend about the session with Dr. Wilson and the series of events leading to the current situation. “I think Jake would be happy if he knew the baby was his. But he’s having a tough time with the fact that I was with Alika even once, though Jake and I weren’t officially together then.”

“Yeah. I saw that coming,” Marcella said ruefully. “Jake’s one of those old-fashioned alpha males. Territorial. Did he smash anything?”

“No. He seemed sad. Like he was trying really hard not to say the wrong thing, even though he couldn’t say what I wanted to hear.” Sophie blinked stinging eyes. “I hate to hurt him, and I don’t want to go through this without him.”

“Sounds like you might have fallen in love with him somewhere along the way. That wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I have. I just know I can’t stand the thought of him hurting, and I miss him when he’s not here.” Sophie had finished her bowl of food, and she set it aside. She shut her eyes. “I need to find out who the father is, but I’m scared to know.”

“Of course you are. Ugh, Sophie, I’m so sorry about this. What a can of worms.”

Sophie smiled. “That’s so funny. Earlier when I was thinking about this I heard your voice in my head say just that, about the can of worms. But don’t be sorry. I’m actually happy about the baby, even if the circumstances aren’t ideal.” Sophie’s hands had come to rest naturally against her abdomen; the tiny life beneath her touch seemed to flicker within like a star’s faraway light. “There’s a noninvasive blood test that can be done to determine paternity. The tricky thing is, everyone involved needs to submit blood. And that means I have to talk to Alika. Tell him I might be pregnant. Ask him to take the test.” Her stomach gave a sudden lurch and she swallowed. “And I have been avoiding him. Haven’t seen or spoken to him since the bomb.”

“I know. And I know it’s been eating you up.”

“That’s exactly the feeling. The guilt just seems to gnaw at me.” Sophie rubbed her eyes. “I was planning to write Alika a letter. Dr. Wilson’s idea. But then this week got so crazy that I never found the time. Do you think I should just go to Kaua`i and see him?”

“Yes, I do. Get everything out on the table in person.”

“And I need to tell Connor, too.”

“Why?” Marcella’s voice had gone hostile. She was the only person besides Sophie who knew Connor, the Ghost, was also Sheldon Hamilton. Marcella had tried to bring him down through the FBI and failed to make anything stick.

“I owe Connor so much…”

“You don’t owe him shit. He’s your boss. You work for him, that’s all. And you’re an independent contractor; you can leave anytime.”

Sophie sighed. “You know that’s not all there is to it.”

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