Page 81 of I'm Not in Love (I Promise)

Jasper goes back to pacing. “What the hell are we going to do?”

I rest my head in my hands and stare down at the threadbare carpet. “Fuck if I know, but we can’t stay here.”

“We don’t have to make any decisions right now. I’m going to call Ray with an update. Tell him to watch his back. Jas, why don’t you go next door and shower?” Leon says.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll be back in a few to check on Blake.” He grabs the other keycard from the desk and heads out the door.

“I’ll go in the other room too, give you all some privacy,” Leon adds. I meet his sympathetic gaze and nod. “Call if you need anything.”

Before he leaves, I say, “Thanks again. If it weren’t for you and Falin tracking that car, we could have been too late.”

His lips pull upward but there’s no joy in the expression. We’re lucky to have gotten out of there intact, yet there’s no reason to celebrate. Not with blood still staining our hands.

Falinand I tuck Blake into one of the full-sized beds, pulling the faded floral comforter up to her chin. By the time I click the bedside lamp off, plunging the room into shadows, her eyelids are already drooping.

Falin brushes a strand of damp hair out of her face before coming around the other side of the bed. “You should go in the other room. I’ll stay with her.” Her tone is laced with resentment and heartache.

“I’m not leaving her,” I say, matter-of-factly. “She needs me right now.”

She sighs and rubs her temples. “Look, you’re not going to want to hear this, but I don’t have it in me to give a shit rightnow. It’s over between you two. We were leaving. As in, getting the fuck away from you and all of this.”

The ropes of muscle in my chest pull taut as my eyes dart between Blake’s sleeping form and Falin’s unforgiving gaze. “No. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry. I can tell you care for her, but she needs better than this. You have to let her go.” She reaches out to place a hand on my shoulder but I shrug her off.

“Where is this coming from?” Everything was fine before she was taken—as fine as could be expected with Mrs. Langston getting murdered under our noses.

Falin averts her gaze to Blake and we watch slow steady breaths leave her lips. “We found your creepy little box under the bed. Her brother’s necklace, Damon? Really? I’m no expert but you need some serious help.”

My heart hammers like it’s trying to break free from the confines of my chest. “It was from before… I was going to give it all back.”

“I don’t think that matters. You need help, Damon, and Blake… She needs support. I was there after Bryan died and then again only weeks later when she lost her mom. I made sure she ate, showered, and slept. I held her when she sobbed, listened to her when she was ready to talk. Are you even capable of being there for her like that?”

Shame and disgust collide in the pit of my stomach. Both emotions take up a permanent residence in my body, but I’ve never felt them more than I do right now. “I don’t know.”

I’m shocked by my own admission. But I’ve always strived to speak truthfully, sometimes brutally so. I’ve been working toward telling Blake everything, opening up to what Jasper so lovingly calls “my bullshit.”

If I could reach into my skull and remove the fucked up pieces, I’d do it in a heartbeat. My relentless drive, myobsessive nature—it’s as much a part of me as my own DNA. Unchangeable and intrinsic to who I am deep down. I truly believe Blake loves that part of me, she’s just afraid. Who could blame her? I’ve told her time and again that I’d never hurt her, but I lied. I only hope this isn’t the end.

“I’m not leaving unless she asks me to,” I finally say. “Please.”

She gives me a look full of pity, but nods. I’ll take it. Asking for permission like this is different, but it feels right, like trying on a new shirt that’s made for my body. I want to show Falin, as much as Blake, that I’m right for her. That I’m here to stay.

The blood crusted under my fingernails catches my eye. “I’m going to get cleaned up. Yell if you need me.”

As the water washes away the violent acts of the night, I tell myself,whatever it takes. I won’t live without Blake. It’s me and her to the end, no matter what.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

BLAKE

I’m experiencingone of those moments where I’m aware I’m awake, yet my eyes refuse to open. Slight sounds catch my attention, but I’m not ready to be fully present. I’m trapped in purgatory, caught between sleep’s comfort and the hell of reality. Once my lids finally open, I’ll have to succumb to the truth.

Brennan was a monster.

Brennan is gone forever.

Without looking, I know Falin’s beside me. I feel the heat of her body, hear her quiet comforting snores. It could be midday or midnight. Time has no meaning, not when the person who’s loved me since the day I was born is dead. Not when everything I knew about him was a lie.

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