Page 85 of King of Hearts

“Arns, don’t leave. Please don’t go to Melbourne.” His voice startled me from my reverie and I felt the anger return. Where did he get off? He didn’t even give me a chance to explain. He ignored my emails, my messages, my calls and cut me out of his life like I meant nothing. And now.Nowhe was here asking me to stay.

“Are you act –” Exasperated, I ran my hands through my hair. “Andy, are you serious? Like what – in what – where – fuck you, Andy!”

His lip twitched as if he were going to smile which only added fuel to my fire.

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I amusing you?” I asked incensed. “Is this the part where I fall at your feet,Captain?” I gritted with disdain.

“Passive aggression doesn’t suit you.” He said, his tiny smirk a sign of what appeared to be relief that I was talking to him.

“Oh, there is nothing passive about this, Andy! You hurt me. You fucking hurt me.” I began to pace from side to side as the things I wanted to say for the last week rattled inside me fighting for airtime. “Your pig-headedness blinded you to what was in front of you and now, since I’ve decided to leave, you choose to come here. To the airport, Andy, what the hell? I’m about to board.” I gestured to the departure gate where the attendant was watching us like it was the finals for Wimbledon.

“Andy, I can’t.” I sighed, all the fight and gusto suddenly gone, leaving behind a bone deep exhaustion. “I have nothing to say to you. Nothing to stay for anymore. I-I quit my job. Paul is getting a new roommate. What’s done is done.” I took a step backwards, my mind racing with uncertainty.

“Idareyou to stay.” He said and I froze. “Stay for me,” he whispered, “Stay for us.” His words grew in volume and when I turned to him his smirk was gone, replaced with a pure aching sorrow. I knew what it was, because it had met me every time I looked in the mirror for the last week. It was the look of heartbreak.

“Arna, please don’t leave. I was wrong and I’m sorry. I cast you as one of the villains when you were always the saviour. Since the minute I met you, you’ve been on my side and I was too much of an idiot to see that. Until now.” He closed the space between us, taking my hand in both of his before bringing it to rest against his chest and the warmth of his grip began to dissolve my anger.

“I know it’s the thirteenth hour and I deserve nothing from you after my cowardice but I just need to tell you, when you go to Melbourne and – and make a new home without me, just knowyouare home for me.” His voice broke on the last words and I felt the tears I was holding hostage fall down my face.

“When I’m with you I’m balanced in a way I have never been before, Arna. And I know it hasn’t been easy being with me, and it probably won’t be easy this year or next, but if you stay, we will be together and that makes everything better.” He brought my hand down to rest between us but didn’t realise it from his tight grip.

“I’m sorry, Arns. I fucked up and I’m truly so sorry. I will show you how sorry I am for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes. Because I can’t see a future without you.

“I want to hold your thigh while you read on the balcony and the cars are driving on the streets below. I want you to lay your head on me while you tell me about your dreams and I tell you about mine. I want you to read me all the articles you are editing and teach me new words I will never, ever use. I want you there after a shitty game because it’s never quite as dark when you’re around. I want to watch football with you and answer the same questions every game because you don’t even want to understand the sport. I want to celebrate the highs and survive the lows with you because without you, I lack harmony, Arns. Without you I’m nothing. And I know my timing sucks and for that I’m sorry too, but it just took me a little while. I love you, Arna. All of you, and I’m asking for a chance. I’m asking you to take a chance on me and believe in me because in ten years things won’t be like this. We won’t be the new couple who everyone is desperate to photograph. In ten years, you will be my best friend and we will be doing best friend things, away from the eyes of the world.”

I wiped the tears from my face, my boarding pass now crumpled in my hand as my mind raced with possibilities, excuses, the need for self-preservation, but mostly, relieving the never-ending ache.

“Excuse me, Miss, I’m sorry to interrupt but if you’re boarding, it needs to be now.”Shit.There was too much happening and no time to think, let alone make an impulsive decision which could change everything.

“Ummm, I - I.” I closed my eyes, my chin dropping to my chest.

“Miss, this is the last chance before we –”

I held my hand up to the lady who was trying her best to simply do her job while I was standing in the middle of a circus.

Sighing, I looked up at her. “Go without me, please. I’ll take a later flight.” She shook her head before nodding sympathetically and I turned back to Andy, removing my hand from his.

Stepping forward, I kept my words low despite there only being a couple of other people in our vicinity.

“Andy, what the actual fuck? I’m confused. I’m exhausted. And I’m – I’m sad.” My throat thickened on the final words. I was so, so sad.

“You didn’t leave.” He marvelled.

I shrugged. “You know I can’t back down from adare. But you broke my heart, Andy. You brokeme.” I swallowed the lump lodged in my throat, internally threatening to punch myself if I let the emotions overwhelm me. “I w-would never have written those things about you. It was Darren. He intercepted my emails and then –”

Andy stepped towards me, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear, his eyes searching mine. “Arna, I know. Flick told me everything that I was toopig-headedto see.”

“Shhhh.” I held my hand up to his mouth to silence him. “It’s my turn.” Andy smiled softly against my fingers and I felt my lips twitch before squashing the almost grin and forcing my frown back. He wasnotallowed to make me smile yet.

“Dickhead Darren intercepted my emails and modified my article. Andy, I’d never write that. But you should have known that. When those photos came out of you with that woman – I believed you. Straight away. But you didn’t even give me an opportunity to explain. I know you’ve had your trust broken before. But I am not them. You can’t keep living in the past because it will destroy you and it will destroy me.” Accentuating my frustration with a poke in the chest, my voice broke a little and I dug my nails into my palm to mentally regroup.

“I quit my job. I told my boss to deep throat a cactus and I quit. He made me look like a tangential misandrist and it’s the opposite, Andy. I was falling in love with you. I mean, I am in love with you, I guess. And then you went and fucked it all up, didn’t you? You told me you always tell your teammates to trust each other above all else, and then to leave it all on the field. But you didn’t. Y-y-you –”

Righteous exasperation blanketed my lungs and I breathed rapidly, the emotion heavy as I worked to fill myself with much needed oxygen. Seeing him here in front of me, after days of desolation and desperation, the negative energy and anger finally dissipated. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t hold this animosity any longer. Taking one final deep breath, I shrugged in pure abandon.

“I’m tired, Andy. So tired. Can we go somewhere where I can breathe and think without the fear of someone seeing us?”

Andy took that as acceptance and stepped forward, his eyes glistening with emotion, before slamming his lips to mine while wiping my still falling tears. He broke the kiss, framing my face with his hands and kissing my cheeks before taking my mouth again.

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