Page 123 of Vicious Spirits

It had been the right thing, letting go of Yena. Not only for the world but for her heart. Still, it hurt. Like a dull knife being driven further and further into her chest. And the pain had existed for long enough that it was just a constant dull throb now.

“Listen,” Junu said quietly. “I’d known Yena a long time. Long enough to know dozens of names she had before she was called Yena. She was different before you were around.” That got Miyoung’s attention, and she finally looked up at him. His lips were pursed, his brow lowered in thought. “She was colder. There was something about her that was more frightening.”

“What?” Miyoung asked.

“She didn’t care. About anything,” Junu explained. “But then one day, she shows up at my door and she’s different. She says that she’s back in town and she needs a place that’s safe. Safer than anything I’d ever provided her with before.”

“Are you telling me you were my mother’s Realtor?” Miyoung asked.

“I find anything my clients require as long as I don’t need to maim or kill to get it.” Junu shrugged. “I was used to finding homes for your mother whenever she rolled back through Seoul. But this time was different. I’m really good at my job, but this time, nothing was good enough for her. And finally, I asked her why she was being so picky. I asked her if she didn’t trust me. And she looked at me and said, ‘I don’t trust anyone when it comes to my daughter’s safety.’”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I’m telling you that Yena lived her life for you, and that was a good thing. Because before you were around, she had nothing to live for. Someone like us with nothing to live for is a dangerous thing. I should know.”

“She shouldn’t have dedicated her life to me like that.” Now Miyoung pressed her hand against the tree, like it could bring her closer to her mother. If she pressed hard enough, she could almost feel a warmth.

“I’m telling you that you saved Yena’s life. The last eighteen years of her life, she was the happiest I’d ever seen her. Well, as happy as Yena could be.”

Miyoung shook her head, but some of the tension that came with guilt melted away.

“And what if I don’t know if I can be happy without her,” Miyoung whispered.

“You can be,” Junu said. “But it won’t be easy to get there.”

“I had to let her go,” Miyoung finally said.

“You did. It was more than just the tear between worlds. With her lingering here, you weren’t able to actually mourn her. You were still holding on to the ghost of her. Just like I did.” Junu let out a long breath. “I let my ghosts drag me into darkness for too long. You should learn from my mistakes. Take this time to move on.”

Miyoung knew it had been right to let go of her mother. But she hated that she felt like her mother had just died all over again. It was like the pain would never abate. Like she’d live this way forever. “When will I feel better? When will I stop hurting so much every time I think of her?”

“Maybe never. You might never fully stop hurting.”

“Why?” Miyoung whispered, and she didn’t know if she was asking him or some heartless god.

“There’s no getting over losing someone. You’ll never go back to how you lived before,” Junu said. “You just learn how to live a different way.”

“Are you still going to leave?” Miyoung asked quietly. She hated that she was scared of losing him. Junu had become a strange part of her life. Not really a friend, though she thought she could trust him like one. And not really like family, though he annoyed her like one. Maybe something a bit in between? And after she’d lost so much, she couldn’t risk letting him go without asking. At least she had to ask.

“I’m not sure,” Junu said slowly.

“What will you tell Somin?” Miyoung asked.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’m scared to say goodbye to her.”

Miyoung laughed. “You should be. She’ll beat the crap out of you.”

“She deserves better than me.”

“Isn’t it up to her to decide what she deserves?” Miyoung asked.

Junu scowled at that, and Miyoung recognized the look. It was a look of someone who knew they were wrong but didn’t want to admit it. “What if she doesn’t want me to stay?” His voice shook, and Miyoung’s heart softened a bit.

“I’m not sure what Somin wants. But for what it’s worth, I want you to stay.” She didn’t look at him as she said the words. It was embarrassing. And she didn’t want to hope that he’d say yes.

“Really?” Junu sounded surprised.

Now Miyoung did look up, her eyes meeting his. He watched her cautiously. Like he was afraid to hope, too. “Yes. I’d like you to stay.”

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