Page 41 of Married to the Alien Mountain Man

And I desperately needed a shower.

Did Zabrians have as good a sense of smell as they did a sense of hearing?

And why the hell did I care? The only one who’d be smelling me was Oaken…

Which was, unfortunately, probably preciselywhyI cared.

Oaken smelled nice. I’d noticed it last night, when my face had been smooshed up against his giant pecs. It was a sort of warm, clean, masculine scent beneath the dust and the leather. There was a mild, unscented soap in the kitchen, but I hadn’t yet encountered anything that seemed to be cologne or deodorant.

Which meant that, besides having the face of a model and the body of a god, the guy also apparently didn’t have any B.O.

If he wasn’t so sweet, I would be forced to resent him for it.

But hewassweet. So instead, I just grumbled to myself about my human sweat glands, splashed my face with water, used the soap on my bangs so that they hopefully weren’t too greasy against my forehead, and then went outside.

The sun was high in the sky by the time I emerged. I didn’t know how time was measured on this planet, but I figured it had to be almost afternoon by now.

I’d wasted half the day already.

That wasn’t like me. None of this was like me.

“Alright, Lala,” I said, digging her out of my pocket and holding her in my palm. “Let’s get your map open. I know you’ve tracked all the geography we’ve covered between here and where we landed yesterday. Get that ship’s signal displayed! Chop, chop!”

“Where is Oaken?”

“I don’t know. Where’s theLavariya?I don’t see a map on your screen yet.”

“My core programming is preventing me from displaying the map.”

“What the hell? Why? Your core programming should be excited to help me get back to theLavariya.Considering that’s our home, and that’s where I’m safest!”

But still, she displayed no map.

Stubborn little bot.

“You didn’t make a peep about me going to find theLavariyalast night, when it was all dark and spooky and there were snakes the size of a shuttle slithering around,” I pointed out, exasperated. “Where was your keep-Jaya-alive programming then?”

“Last night,” Lala replied, “my core programming recognized that you had a protector.”

My cheeks went hot.

“Yes. Well. I don’t need one of those.”

“Every risk scenario model I have run would disagree.”

“Oh! Now that’s just rude!” I gasped, even though a part of me knew she was right. “If you weren’t so cute, I’d remind you that you’re the perfect size and shape to use as a baseball.”

“I am smaller than an Old-Earth baseball. Also, my legs would hinder a player’s pitch, and-”

“It was a joke, Miss Wannabe Comedy Bot,” I muttered, placing her on my shoulder. “Come on, then. Let’s go find Oaken.”

18

OAKEN

Iwas rushing through my chores. This was something I never did. For one thing, I enjoyed working on my ranch. I liked being outdoors, and I got great satisfaction from caring for my animals.

For another thing, I’d never had something to look forward to before, besides the prospect of going to bed and waking up to do it all over again so that I might create a well-run home for a wife one day.

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