Page 43 of Married to the Alien Mountain Man

And for now, that was enough.

It would have to be.

“Let us go and fetch your hat. I will also fill my waterskin,” I said. My breathing had mostly returned to normal. Not entirely, though. I was not sure my breathing would ever be completely calm around her.

Together, we walked back to the house where she had left the hat Magnolia had lent her. I filled a waterskin with fresh, cool water, and we set off for Nali’s enclosure once more.

“You had a butt,” she said without preamble.

“I… What?” My translator was heavily context dependant. It currently recognized “butt” as a noun that translated to something like backside or buttocks.

The past tense confused me, though. I was fairly certain I still had my backside. Furtively, I loosened my tail, pulling it from its hook and letting the end quickly pat the seat of my trousers.

Everything seemed to be in order.

“You had a butt,” Jaya said again.

“I… I still have one,” I replied, mystified.

She laughed. “Well, yeah. I figured you did. Butts don’t usually just disappear.”

“I should certainly hope not,” I responded at length. “Are you concerned? About my butt?”

“Well, yeah. I want to know what it is.”

Poor Jaya. She had not received any information on Zabrian anatomy! I had received an entire book on human biology, history, and culture, which included detailed diagrams of everything from eyeballs to hair follicles to genitalia.

And butts.

“It is… It’s in the same place yours is,” I said patiently. We’d reached Nali’s enclosure, and I spun on my heel before opening the gate, gesturing to my backside. “It’s here, between my legs and my lower back.”

Jaya was silent for so long behind me that, eventually, I cast a worried look back at her over my shoulder. She was standing with one hand on her hip, the other over her mouth, as if she was considering something of great educational importance.

Did she really not think I had a backside before this? Where did she think I sat, every time I did so in front of her?

But there must have been confusion before now. Because she was looking at that part of me as if it had just given her some sort of significant revelation. She was staring at my backside with incredible focus. It made me admire her all the more. Clearly, my wife was the scholarly sort, always keen to study her surroundings.

“Do you have any questions?” I asked. “About my butt?”

“About your… Oh. Ohno.” The hand that had covered her mouth flew to her eyes, as if to shield them from something. “That’s not… That isn’t what I… You can put your butt away now!”

As much as I wanted to do what she’d asked me, I could not see how that would be possible.

“Sorry. I cannot put it away.” I gestured helplessly at myself. “It comes with me everywhere I go.”

“That’s… Oh, God.” She finally lowered her hand from her face. “Sorry. That is not what I was asking about. At all.” She cleared her throat loudly and made a show of not looking at my backside. Sensing she no longer needed it in view, I turned to face her once more.

“You said we could go to my ship,but,” Jaya said, her voice sounding a little higher than usual. “And you never told me what the problem was.”

Realization dawned.

“Apologies,” I grunted, awkwardly scratching the back of my neck. As I did so, her white, brown, and black eyes followed the line of my raised arm to my chest, down to my belly, to my belt, and then very swiftly back up to my face.

“When you used ‘but’ in the place of a noun,” I went on, “my translator began to struggle.”

“Your translator and I have that in common. Absolutely on the struggle bus over here,” she groaned. But there was mirth in her eyes now. “Sorry for the confusion.”

“Please, do not apologize,” I said quickly. “I was the one who misunderstood. And I… There is no real problem. I just…”

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