Page 41 of Wicked Surrender

That surrounded by peers, it could be possible to just ease in and join in the fun for once.

Shaking my head, I huffed a dark laugh.

Forget it.

I scolded myself for even faintly wishing I could be brave enough to try out what a party was like.

All this time I was idling here at the curb was time wasted that I could’ve been studying instead.

Now that I’d cooled down from my mother and my sister judging me, I felt centered and square again.

The only thing I had to focus on was getting out of here. One day, I would. I’d graduate and go to med school. That wasn’t the career I felt passionate about, but I saw it as the ticket out of here that it would be. It’d be the event that could get me out of my parents’ house.

They’d still control me. That would never end.

But at least I’d have distance. I could worry less about being second-best.

Striking out on my own was the “party” I had to look forward to.

Because no matter how much I wished someone could approve of me, I smirked at the dumb idea that I’d find any approval at a party like that. I already knew what those frat boys said about me.

And there wasn’t a chance in hell I would ever have enough time, patience, or care to work on getting them to change their minds.

What you see is what you get.

If the whole world wanted to label me as second-best, then that was their loss.

Right?

I cringed, wishing I could believe it and feel an ounce of self-worth against all that I faced.

14

JASON

Another week passed.

Two more tutoring sessions with Laura came and went.

And I was still no closer to any success.

My grades remained the same, hovering near failing. But that wasn’t the success I wanted. Of course, I wasn’t successful academically. I wasn’t trying at all, just showing up to make sure I wouldn’t lose more points for being absent. I didn’t expect my grades to change until I actually put any effort into it and did any work.

I continued to blow off Laura’s help. I spent all my time in class obsessing about the anger I couldn’t stop feeling toward Dean Chen.

Going back to my usual routine of being a loud, rude asshole who interrupted her and challenged Laura to no end, just to antagonize her, I realized I had to double down to bully her.

It didn’t seem like she would ever crack, never reacting to me when I did my worst.

She still wouldn’t give me the satisfaction of knowing I’d hurt her.

Come Tuesday, I wondered if she’d be any different.

She was almost numb now, not even acknowledging my insults at all, just pausing like she counted on my interruptions.

Unfazed.

It pushed me to become more obsessed with hurting her. To make her pay for what her father did to my family.

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