Page 56 of Wicked Surrender

And I couldn’t be a saint or martyr and ignore how much I wanted her.

She deserves my wrath.

I had to convince myself of that.

Her whole family needs to be paid back for ruining William’s life.

I had to make it happen. I was his brother. I was supposed to look out for him and make sure he didn’t suffer.

Straining at the ache of my overused muscles from running too hard and pushing myself through too strenuous of a workout, I dreaded the stupidity of trying to burn out my frustration like this. It wasn’t working. I could throw myself into a whole extra workout to the point of exhaustion, and I wouldn’t have an answer. She’d still be on my mind.

The image of her against the door, her eyes hooded with desire while I gripped her neck and kept her in place…

Fuck.

I was hopeless. I hung my head as I sat spent and sweaty on the bench. Keeping my elbows on my thighs, I willed my dick not to get hard at the mental image of Laura like that.

I borrowed her concern.

Why me?

Why does she have to do this to me?

How?

“You all right?” A football player paused across the free-weight room, furrowing his brows at me.

No. I’m not fucking all right.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

I was so far from good it was laughable.

He chuckled. “Maybe it was a mistake to push it that hard on the machines, huh?” Walking off, he laughed lightly like he was amused and not laughingatme.

“Something like that,” I muttered.

What wasn’t a mistake was kissing Laura like I had. I’d only wanted her to shut up and stop insisting she wasn’t beautiful. It pissed me off that she’d believe it, and without thinking it through, I wanted to show her how wrong she was.

This confusion about how to handle her wasn’t a joyride, but at no time in this self-inflicted hell did I regret it.

It wasn’t a mistake to kiss her.

I just had to figure out whether it would be a mistake to try again.

To kiss her and earn her breathy sounds and feel her wordlessly ask for more.

Zoning out staring at the floor, I wondered if I’d be able to step back and pause the next time. If this guilt over not treating her like the enemy would sober me up from following through with having her.

I stood, wincing at the sharp pain in my thigh at overdoing it.

It wasn’t like it helped. I was still just as stuck in my head.Shewas still stuck in my head.

Worse than that, I had to admit that I was developing feelings for her. Regardless of how stupid it was to let her mess with me like this, I had to be blunt and honest with myself that she had. And I welcomed it.

I was a fucking moron to have any feelings other than hatred for Laura Chen.

But there was no denying that I did.

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