Page 37 of Cruel Alpha

“So,” I said, trying to change the subject, “what have you got to report?”

“Nothing more than the usual. I just wanted to bring this over myself.”

Right. He’d been carrying something when he came in. Rushing back towards the door, Caleb picked up the pile of leather straps and buckles that he’d dropped on the welcome mat, holding it up with a smile.

“Jace brought it over this morning. Pretty cool, huh?” he said. “You need someone in human form to help put it on, but then you’re all set to go.”

The harness. It was such a sweet gift and something I would never have thought of myself. I remembered his gentle touch as he’d taken my wolf’s measurements, the desire in his eyes when I’d shifted right on top of him. I pushed the memory away.

“That’s great, thank you, Caleb,” I said, and he frowned.

“Why don’t you seem happy?”

Maybe it was my turn to be an asshole today, but I couldn’t deal with this. I hated seeing the joy flicker out of his eyes, but that was the way it had to be.

“I am—this is amazing,” I told him. “I just—having you here, it’s making me feel all soft and mushy, and then I start thinking with my heart instead of my head and—”

Oh God, he was smiling again, his blue eyes sparkling.

“Is that such a bad thing?” he asked, stepping towards me. I wanted to let him take me in his arms again. I stepped back.

“It is for me. The last time I thought with my heart around you, it didn’t—it didn’t go so well.”

It was a low blow, and I saw it land. Caleb winced, his gorgeous, easy smile disappearing as his expression shuttered and he stepped away from me.

“Yeah. I get it,” he said. He looked so defeated that I could hardly bring myself to keep talking. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I had to be certain about this if it was ever going to work.

“I think it would be best if you just—just stayed away for a while,” I said. “Let me get my head on straight.”

Caleb’s hands were balled into fists at his sides, and for a moment, I thought he would refuse—then he took a deep breath, the sound of his exhale loud even above the twins’ babble.

“Okay,” he said. Then, “Before I go, though—do you have any pictures of them? From when they were babies?”

The request took me aback and softened my heart all over again.

“Yeah,” I choked, “Let me go get them.”

I was relieved to retreat up the stairs to our bedroom. The photo album was one of the few things I had taken from our home on Arbor, stashed in the diaper bag with everything else precious. My little Polaroid camera had cost me a full body massage for the human trader from the mainland, and it was worth every minute.

When I came back downstairs, Julia had returned. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, pretending to play with the twins, but her good eye was watching me intently.

“Here,” I said, pressing the album into Caleb’s hands. Caleb took it as though it was something impossibly precious, and there was that soft feeling. He needed to get out of there before I did something really stupid. Again.

Luckily, he didn’t say anything; he just nodded his thanks and retreated out of the door with one last longing look. For a moment, I could only stand and stare at the closed door, and I jumped when Julia spoke.

“Give me, like, an hour, and then I’m going to need some goddamn information.”

I sighed. There would be no getting out of this.

“I need to feed them and get them to bed anyway,” I told her, and Julia grinned.

“Perfect.”

It seemed like Emmy and Jack had worn themselves out with their antics because they began to flag pretty soon after they wolfed down their dinner. It was easy to stick them in the bath and scrub away the muck of the day before I wrapped them in blankets and brought them to bed with the same battered book I’d been reading them since they were born. At the time, it had been all I could afford, but now it was tradition.

Downstairs, Julia was waiting for me with two large glasses of red wine. She pressed one into my hands.

“Okay, spill.”

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