Page 102 of Stay With Me

“I’m not afraid of you,” she whispers. Her eyes, though still fighting to close, find me and she squints in confusion.

“It’s okay. I deserve it. I’m not mad at you but when you told the person you couldn’t imagine what it would do to a woman to be with me long-term, to have a child with a man like me…”

Her face suddenly relaxes with understanding.

“No, no, no.” Tears now stream down her cheeks. “I was talking to my therapist about your dad. N-not you.”

I’m speechless. How could I have been so idiotic that I didn’t even consider that possibility?

I haven’t cried since I was twelve, so I’m shocked at the unfamiliar sensation of something wet rolling down my cheeks. “So, you’re not scared of me?” I whisper.

“No. You’ve done nothing but protect me since I was nineteen years old, and you had to pick me up from that frat party.” She closes her eyes, unable to keep her them open any longer.

“Please, Em. Please open your eyes. I lied; it was never just physical for me. I absolutely lied about that. And about the house, too.” My voice is frantic and my speech rapid. “I designed it all for you. I always envisioned you there with me.”

Her eyelids flutter but still don’t open.

I’m so caught up in her that I don’t realize we’ve arrived at the ER until Jack opens the back doors of the ambulance. At that, my brain switches gears and Jack and I work efficiently to get Emily out of the ambulance and roll her into one of the ER trauma rooms, where a team starts evaluating her immediately.

I stay with her for several minutes, standing at the head of her bed, until X-ray comes in with a portable machine to check her neck and back so we can remove the hard board from behind her.

“C’mon, Fitz. We have to leave the room for the X-ray then they’re taking her for the CT scan of her head and neck.” Jack says. His hand is on my shoulder to get my attention.

“Okay, one second.” I lean down near Emily’s face. “Em, baby? Can you open your eyes for one more second?” She struggles, but she does it. “I have to step out to check on Trina, but I’ll be right back.” Her blue eyes try to hold my gaze, but she’s faltering again. “I love you, Emily. I always have.”

I kiss her forehead and follow Jack out of the room. We walk to the room across from Emily’s, where Trina is. As we approach, Ben is talking with Reynolds.

I overhear Ben say, “Listen, I know you heard us. But I’m asking you to keep that to yourself for now. Trina’s private and she’s not ready for people to know. Okay?” His voice is hushed like he doesn’t want to be heard, so I pretend I didn’t.

“Of course,” Reynolds replies.

Partially to let them know we’re near, I ask, “Ben? Any word on Trina? Is she awake?”

Ben turns to look at Jack and me. He runs his hand through his hair, gripping a fistful of it just like his twin, Jack, does when he’s stressed. He looks haggard.

Ben sighs. “She’s in rough shape but they think she’s gonna be okay. Finn was right, she had a collapsed lung. Doc says his assessment skills likely saved her from suffering a cardiac arrest. She’s got a tube in her chest. She has a broken wrist on the left side and they’re prepping her for surgery. Her spleen ruptured. She’s getting blood now and they’re about to take her up.”

“Can I see her quick?” I think we all hear the pleading in my voice.

“Yeah, go ahead. Janie and Annie are taking care of her, so I think they’ll let you.”

When I enter the room and see Trina, my best friend in the world and truly the most badass woman I know, lying in a hospital bed with IVs and blood transfusions going, a tube coming out of her chest, monitors beeping, and looking so incredibly pale, my legs stop working for a moment. It isn’t until Annie looks up at me and waves me over that I can force myself to move.

“You can see her for a few seconds and then we need to take her to the operating room,” Annie says kindly.

When I get to Trina’s bedside, her eyes are closed. I reach down and move a piece of hair off her forehead, then take her hand.

“Trina? I don’t know if you can hear me but it’s me, Fitz. I don’t want you to worry about Emily. She’s okay.” I see some fluttering under her eyelids, and I think she’s trying to open them, but can’t. “Keep your eyes closed and rest. You’re gonna be okay. They’re taking you to surgery now.” My voice hitches. I lean down and kiss her forehead. “I love you. I’ll see you after surgery.” I squeeze her hand once and walk away.

Annie and Janie roll her out of the room to take her to surgery while Jack, Reynolds, Ben, and now Finn watch silently with me.

Over the next hour, Jack, Reynolds, and Finn head back to the station and Jack tells me to stay at the hospital for the rest of our shift and to give him regular updates on Trina and Emily. He’s calling it official duty, but I see it for what it is—a kindness to allow me to keep watch over my best friend and the woman I now suspect he knows I love.

While Ben goes up to wait in the surgical waiting area, I go to sit in Emily’s room. It’s quiet in here now, the lights low, and I grab the chair for family and move it over next to Emily’s bed. I grip her hand in mine and rest my forehead on the side-rail of the ER cot.

I’m not a religious man, but today I’m a spiritual one, and though I rarely pray, I’m desperate. So, in a whispered voice, I send my prayers out into the universe. “I don’t know if anyone can hear this, or if there’s anything beyond this world, but I think maybe there is. Even if I don’t understand it all, I’m asking for help. I don’t know if you’re God or if maybe Teddy you can hear this, but please, someone help us today. Please let Emily and Trina be okay. Please don’t take either of them from us. I can’t survive losing either of them, and I know they can’t lose each other. Please.”

“Charlie?” The voice is faint and raspy, but I whip my head up and am so damn grateful to see Emily’s gorgeous blue eyes shining with life, watching me. I’m not sure how much of my prayer she heard.

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