Page 21 of Stay With Me

Three hours in, Charlie was two sheets to the wind, something I’veneverseen before.

Needing a minute away from all the partygoers, I sneak off to my bedroom. I startle and gasp when I open the door to find Charlie sitting on the floor in my room, his back against my closet door.

“Jesus, Charlie! You nearly gave me a heart attack. What are you doing in here?”

“Escaping.” He chuckles, but I can see in his glassy look that he’s overwhelmed. He lifts his gaze to meet mine. “I’m not big on crowds or being the center of attention. I tried to go to Trina’s room, but she’s a damn slob and I couldn’t relax in there. Sorry—I’ll go.”

He moves to stand, but something makes me want to stop him.

“No. Don’t go. We can both sit quietly and use the room.” Charlie relaxes back into his spot on my floor, and I plop down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling.

A few minutes later, he says, “Sunshine?”

“Yeah?” My voice is practically a whisper.

“You’ve been avoiding me since Thanksgiving. Tell me you don’t hate me.” It’s a plea. There’s a sadness in his voice I’ve not heard before, and I wonder if it’s always there, inside him, and the alcohol is freeing it from its sealed box Charlie usually keeps it carefully contained in.

“I don’t hate you. I was just… embarrassed. And a little hurt.”

“Hurt?” he whispers, his voice cracking.

I risk a glance over at him and see that he has tilted his head back against the closet door, his eyes closed. I divert my eyes back to the ceiling above me.

“Yeah, hurt. I get it, though. I’ve seen the women you spend time with and I’m not your type. And, even though it hurt my feelings, in retrospect, I appreciate you not letting it get more physical than it did if you weren’t into me.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes.

“Look at me, please.” His voice is quiet, almost pleading. I turn my gaze back to Charlie. His stare pierces me, and I swear he can see right into my soul with those damn eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you. It’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. That’s why I stopped things that day. Believe me, no part of me wanted to stop. And I’m sorry if my explanation at the time sucked. I’m not great with words. I know this sounds so cliché, but please believe me when I tell you it’s not you, sunshine, it’s me.”

The sincerity seeping from his voice and lingering in his eyes is clear. And that’s when I accept that the crush of a young woman was just that—a crush—and if I want to keep him as my friend, I need to let it go.

Later that night, I responded to the two text messages I had received from Teddy in the prior few days—the first in months—asking to meet for coffee to “make amends.” As if he can make up for breaking my heart. But, after realizing my crush on Charlie could never turn into anything more, I decided I need to get rid of all the ghosts of the men in my past in order to move forward.

So, I agreed to meet Teddy. And today is the day.

Turning off my car, I grab my bag off the passenger seat and climb out. I shut the door, inhale deeply, determined to free my chest from the grip of anxiety about meeting Teddy, and I walk into the Meadow Creek Coffee shop. The comforting smell of coffee brewing fills my nostrils, and I try to focus on that, not on how nauseated I feel.

I spot him immediately, and when Teddy stands upon seeing me, I notice he looks thinner. A twinge of worry shoots through me, and I shove it back down, reminding myself he’s not mine to fret over anymore. As I approach, he hesitates, then moves in as if he’s going to hug me.

Stopping abruptly, I step back. “No.”

He simply nods at me, waits until I sit down, and takes a seat himself.

I say nothing, even when Teddy slides a drink across the tabletop to me.

“I got you one of those oat milk lattes you like. We’ve never been here so hopefully you like theirs.” I say nothing and he continues to ramble. “Thanks for meeting me. I get why you wanted to meet away from Elladine?—”

“Oh, do you?” The bitterness in my voice is clear and I hate it. Not because he doesn’t deserve it, but because it’s not who I am and not who I want to be.

Teddy looks up at me, sheepishly. “I think so. I’m guessing… I’m guessing you didn’t want anyone to see us together. You’re probably embarrassed to be seen with me.”

“Bingo. I’m embarrassed because I shouldn’t even be giving you a chance to talk to me. Not after what you did. And the people who love me would have told me not to meet you. But I’m not going to let you haunt me. So, this is for me, not for you.”

He closes his eyes briefly and nods. “Fair enough.”

I sigh. Shit, I sound so angry and acidic. I look down at the butcher-block table.

I focus on softening my tone. “Sorry. I want you to have closure, too. Can we just get on with it?”

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