Page 31 of Stay With Me

Charlie turns his head so fast to face me that I wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled a muscle in his neck.

“What? No, of course it wasn’t your fault, Emily. Why would you even think that?” His hazel eyes bore into mine, and I don’t know what to make of the intensity in them. Charlie’s always been quiet, thoughtful with his words, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen this kind of look in his eyes aimed at me.

“I mean, I know it’s been a long time, but it seems like it started around… around that Thanksgiving when we kissed. And then we talked about it on New Year’s Eve at Trina’s that year, but things never quite returned to normal. I gradually saw less of you, and when you were around, it seemed like we never got back to where we were before that happened.”

He pulls his hand from mine and reaches toward my face but stops himself. Instead, he grips the back of his neck. His eyes, though, they never leave mine.

“Damn it, Em. I’m so sorry. I promise it wasn’t your fault.”

“So, I didn’t imagine it?” I have to know. It was a hard pill to swallow when I felt Charlie withdrawing and I need to know I wasn’t crazy.

He scrubs his hand over his face and shakes his head.

“No. You didn’t imagine it. At first, I was… trying to figure out some things, so I kind of withdrew into myself. But then, by the time I got my shit together, you were”—he pauses, clearing his throat—“you were dating Teddy again, and I didn’t want to overstep or make you uncomfortable. I’d never want to hurt you. You seemed happy, and I didn’t know if Teddy knew about our kiss. So, I figured I should give you guys your space. I thought you’d outgrown our friendship.”

My mouth is so dry it’s like I’ve been chewing on sawdust. How could Charlie ever think I had “outgrown” our friendship?

“No, Charlie. It wasn’t like that at all. In fact, I’ve missed you these last several years. Sure, we saw each other and hung out some together with Trina, but it was different.”

The corners of Charlie’s mouth turn downward, into a frown. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Before I can respond, a cherry red Elladine Fire Department jeep pulls up to where we’re sitting, and Charlie stands.

Before he walks away, he glances down at me. “That’s my ride. Thanks for sitting with me and helping me get through this, Em. I appreciate it more than you know.”

When he’s almost to the jeep, I call out to him. “Hey, Charlie?” He peers over his shoulder, looking back at me. “Do you think we can start over? Be friends like before, except not just because you’re Trina’s friend, because you’re my friend, too?”

Charlie smiles the first genuine smile I’ve seen on his face today. “I’d like that a lot.”

After Charlie leaves, I text Shayna to tell her where I am, then sit outside for a long time, waiting for her to let me know when the ER staff transfers Jack to a room in the main hospital so I can go sit with her. I don’t have to conquer going into the ER today. Hell, just the fact that I’m at this hospital is an enormous step for me.

And whether he realizes it or not, Charlie helped me through it just by being here.

CHAPTER14

EMILY

Five days after the big fire downtown, I sit in the waiting room of my therapist’s office waiting for my appointment. Thank God, Jack was able to come off the life support yesterday and may go home soon. When I pulled up to the ER and let Shayna out of the car the day of the fire, I was literally shaking.

Flashbacks of being there when Teddy died, less than two months ago, flew at me the closer she and I got to the hospital. By the time I dropped her off, the anxiety and memories had nearly paralyzed me.

Then, I saw him.

Charlie, always the epitome of strength and togetherness, was sitting on the ground, his head down and his chest heaving with rapid breaths.

I shudder remembering it. I’ve known Charlie for nine years and I’veneverseen him like that.

“Emily? Are you ready?” Annette, my therapist, asks, standing in the door leading down the hall to her office.

I nod as I stand and follow her.

After exchanging a few pleasantries, we dive right in.

“So, the message you left yesterday said you wanted to learn some skills to cope with the trauma you’ve experienced. Is that still what you want to focus on today?

I nod and tell her about the fire, and needing to drop Shayna off at the hospital since Jack was involved.

“The intensity of how everything felt as we neared the hospital and flashbacks ofthatday, it was… suffocating. Elladine is a small town, and I have a lot of wonderful memories that pop up, even at home. But flashbacks—upsetting ones—also hit me at random places, and I don’t think I can work on the other areas I need to heal in until I can manage my responses to the memories. I’ve lived here a long time, so a memory, good or bad, can be sparked almost anywhere.”

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