Page 70 of Stay With Me

“Always.” I reach across and take one of her hands in mine and she doesn’t hesitate to wrap her much smaller fingers around my larger ones.

“As I was going down the row of people in the wedding party and thinking about what everyone meant to me, I got to you and… and it reminded me of a conversation I had with my therapist about you. And, no, I’m not gonna tell you the details of that conversation, but it wasn’t bad. That all just got me thinking.”

My heart beats a little faster.She’s talked about me in therapy?

Emily pauses and, with her free hand, takes a sip of her wine. I suspect she needs a few seconds before continuing.

“I’ve made a lot of progress in therapy this year. I’m not naïve enough to think there won’t be painful memories or feelings that come up. But I think I have the tools to cope with the hard memories when they surface, and I’m grateful to Annette for helping me see that and for teaching me how to use those tools.”

“So, that’s what you were thinking about when you were in that daze?”

She nods. “Yes, that and more. I’ve told you before, one of my goals I set with Annette when I started therapy last fall was that I wanted to find myself again.” Her next words are hushed. “I wanted that feeling of being diminished to go away. I know that probably sounds stupid to you.”

“It doesn’t at all. I know exactly what you’re talking about because it’s happened to my mom. Actually, to a lot of the women in our family. It’s one of the reasons I avoid relationships.” I can’t help the frustrated, sarcastic laugh that escapes me, and I look over the balcony railing, not able to meet her eyes. After a few seconds, I force myself to turn my gaze back upon hers. “You did it. You know that, right? You found yourself again. I see you.”

Emily smiles and a single tear slides down her cheek.

“Shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No. I’m not upset. I’m happy… and proud. I know I found the Emily I was, and I’m proud that I did. I missed her.”

Before I can stop myself, I say, “I missed her, too.”

Neither of us speaks for a few minutes. And yet there’s no discomfort in the silence.

“Can I ask you a question?” Emily’s voice is a near whisper.

“Yes, of course.”

“You didn’t like Teddy, did you?” Her blue eyes fixate on mine, but there’s no judgment, no hint of anger there.

“Truth?” I ask.

“Always,” she responds with a nervous smile.

I take a deep breath. “I’ve always felt protective of you, almost from the start. It’s not that I didn’t like Teddy as a person, I didn’t like him with you. I just didn’t think he was the right man for you.”

Emily’s breaths become visibly more shallow, quicker.

“You never told me that. Why didn’t you say anything to me?” Her words come out quiet, almost pleading for me to explain.

“You seemed happy. And I didn’t want to take that from you.”

“I might have listened to you, Charlie. Things weren’t always what they seemed.”

“It would have been selfish of me.”

“Selfish? What do you mean by that?”

I say nothing. I can’t. Teddy didn’t deserve her, but I don’t either.

Our eye contact is so intense right now, I swear she can see into my soul, read what’s written on my heart. We’re so focused on each other that we both twitch when a ringing jolts us from our moment.

Emily furrows her brow and looks down at her phone. “Who’s calling me at ten p.m. on a Saturday? Anyone who would do that is here.” When she flips the phone over and sees the screen, she darts her gaze back up to mine. “It’s the realtor.” She pulls her other hand away from mine and swipes across the screen before saying hello.

The next few minutes pass and I’m privy to one side of the conversation, but it sounds like she’s getting an offer on the house.

“Oh, wow. That’s not much time. What do you think I should do?” Her eyes narrow now and she’s rubbing her hand across her forehead, worry etched on her pretty features. She listens for a minute. “Yeah, you’re right. Okay. Let’s accept.”

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