Page 80 of Stay With Me

“Um, so I was thinking about going to a couple of open houses today. Do you want to go with me, or are you busy?”

I don’t mean to, but I know my arms tense around her, and I have to force myself to relax them.

“Oh.” I clear my throat. “I guess I could go with you.” It comes out harsh, though I don’t mean it to.

She sits up and twists her upper body so she can face me. “You don’t have to.”

I don’t miss the tension in her voice, and she moves to scoot off the chair. I’m faster than her, though, and I wrap my hands around her waist, pulling her back to me.

“Hey, wait. Don’t get upset.” She’s no longer actively trying to get away from me, but she’s also just sitting there with her back to me. “I’ll go with you if that’s what you want. I just didn’t realize you were still looking at houses. That’s all.”

“Why wouldn’t I be looking?” Her voice is quiet.

“I mean, I guess because of this. Us. I don’t know.” I run a hand through my hair, frustrated at my inability to be clearer with her. “Hey, can you turn and look at me, please?”

It’s a little awkward because of how we’re sitting, but she spins herself and sits cross-legged, facing me.

I reach up and cup her cheek when I ask, “What are we doing here? What is this between us?”

“I’m not sure,” she whispers. She turns her gaze downward, not meeting mine. “That’s why I thought I should keep looking for houses. I can’t just move in with you like?—”

I lift her chin so she’s looking at me. “What do you want it to be?” My heart races in my chest, fearful of her answer, no matter what it turns out to be. She shrugs and says nothing. “Em? Do you want to leave?”

“What? No. You’re one of my best friends, Charlie. And these last two weeks have been amazing. I love it here. I love being with you like this. And we don’t have to label anything right now, but I also need to know if this has the potential to be anything more. Because I know you, Charlie.”

I rear back. “What does that mean?”

“You don’t do relationships. Not really. So, I need to know if I’m something to you other than just a friend with benefits, or a… fuck buddy?”

There have been very few times in my life I’ve been angry with Emily, but I’m suddenly furious and need to get away from her before I say something I don’t mean.

“I need to get up.”

She must hear something in my voice because she immediately climbs off the chair so I can rise from it myself.

I take a few steps away from her and when my back is to her, I simply tell her, “I need some time by myself.” And I leave without waiting for a reply.

* * *

EMILY

Charlie’s been gone for forty-five minutes and I’m worried. It’s still drizzling out and I know he’s on the property somewhere because both of our cars are still here. But he’s not out chopping wood, which I’ve learned is something he does when he needs to blow off some steam. He’s done it a few times after coming back from his parents’ house. He’s not in his wood shop.

My anxiety is rising higher in my chest, so I throw on my rubber gardening boots and my raincoat and head out the door to go looking for him.

Fifteen minutes later, I’ve slogged through the mud, down the path to the lake, and I breathe a sigh of relief when I get to the clearing and he’s sitting thirty feet from me on one of the Adirondack chairs he put out there last week. I can see from this far back that his hair is damp, as is his shirt.

I approach him and sit down in the chair next to him. Neither of us says anything at first.

My voice is near a whisper when I finally speak. “I’m sorry if I hurt or offended you when I said you don’t do relationships.”

Charlie turns his head to me. “That’s why you think I’m upset?” His eyes narrow, his head shaking subtly.

“Well, isn’t it? Youtoldme at Annie and Jack’s wedding you avoid relationships.”

“No, Emily. I’m pissed because you implied you might just be a fuck buddy. I’m angry that you’d even consider the possibility of calling yourself that. You’re not wrong that I don’t do relationships—at least I haven’t—but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try with you, now that we’ve started this. You are theonlywoman I’ve ever cared enough about to dare towantmore. Even if it scares me shitless. I wasn’t kidding when I told you once I unleashed my control with regard to you, there was no going back for me.” His voice trails off.

“Oh,” is all I force out.

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