Page 97 of Stay With Me

Her voice is quiet when she says, “I’m not so sure of that.”

My eyes widen and my stomach drops. “What does that mean?” I ask in a hushed voice.

“I’m just not sure she would have gone through with it if she realized she had a chance at a love that could be… different. Emily loved him. She did. And he loved her. But I really think for Emily’s part, it was a love based largely on their friendship and her comfort level with him. It was easy. Well, it should have been, anyway.” She scoffs. “But it wasn’t that soul-stirring kind of love. The kind that wraps itself around your heart when it finds you and refuses to let go, no matter what happens or how much time passes. Or how much you tell yourself you don’t care about the person, dislike them, even.” Her voice is so quiet when she says the last sentence, I almost miss it.

I stare out into the dark night. “The kind that prevents you from being able to truly move on, to give yourself fully to someone new, even if you can’t be with the one who holds your heart in their grip.”

I feel Trina’s eyes boring into the side of my head and when I twist to look at her, her mouth is agape, her eyes wide as saucers.

“Holy. Hell. You don’t just care about her, youloveher.”

I rub at my beard, anxiety causing my heart to race.

“How long?” she asks. “How long have you loved her?”

I turn and look in her eyes. “I think I’ve loved her from the start, Trina. Almost ten years.”No sense holding back any part of the truth now.

Trina practically leaps out of her chair and starts pacing back and forth across my deck, muttering under her breath. Agitation comes off of her in waves. I simply watch her, and after a minute or two, she says, “I get why you said nothing those first few years, when she and Teddy were together, but why didn’t you tell her after they broke up after college? It makes no sense.” She stops in front of me and stares down at me, waiting for an answer.

When I lift my eyes to meet hers, I can tell the exact moment it dawns on her.

“Because of our friendship,” she whispers. “You thought I’d be mad.”

“I couldn’t risk losing you. You’re my best friend, and I know how protective you are of her.”

She plops back down in her seat and looks drained. “You could have told me, Charlie. My God, next to Emily, you’re my favorite person. I’m not saying I might not have freaked out at first, but you’re one of the best guys I know.”

I scoff. “I don’t know about that.”

“Well, I do. Wait a minute, is that why she moved out? Why you two ended whatever you were doing? Were you afraid I wouldn’t be okay with it?”

I shrug. “That’s part of it.”

“Well, what’s the other part? Because I love you both and want you two to be happy. So, if being together makes you happy, then I’m okay with it. I just don’t want any…details, if you get my drift.”

Shame fills me, remembering Emily’s words. “Did she tell you about what happened at my parents?” Trina nods. “I lost it on my dad, Tri. Seeing my mom bleeding set me off. A few days later, I accidentally overheard Emily on the phone telling someone how afraid I made her feel, and that she couldn’t imagine what being with a man ‘like that’ would do to a woman long term or having a child with someone like me.”

The weight of her silence sits heavy in the air for several long seconds.

“Are you sure you heard her correctly? Because that doesn’t sound like something Emily would say about you, Charlie. And if she really felt that way about you, I don’t see how she’d be as brokenhearted as she is right now.”

My eyes dart up to hers and I grimace at her describing Emily as brokenhearted. “I heard her right. Besides, she’s not wrong. I’m not surprised she was scared. And I can’t be with her knowing I could end up like my dad and destroy her spirit like all the men in my family do to the women who love them.”

“You are an infinite dumbass.”

My mouth drops open in shock. “That was rude.”

“For God’s sake. You are nothing like your father. Not now and you won’t ever be.”

“You don’t know th?—”

She slams her hand down on the table between us. “Yes, I do. I’ve known you ten fucking years. You. Are. Not. Your. Father. That man took enough from you growing up. You have to stop letting him hold any power over you. He’s a weak, pathetic man who doesn’t deserve you as a son. And you aren’t him. So, get that through your thick skull and quit letting him affect your decisions, because that’s what you’re doing.”

After her impassioned speech, we sit in relative silence until her phone starts buzzing again. She glances down at her phone and huffs. “I’ve gotta get going or that maniac—not my stalker, the one I’m staying with—is going to make me nuts.”

I walk her to her car. “Text me when you get home safely, okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” Much to my surprise, Trina wraps her arms around me and hugs me. It’s only the fourth time in a decade she’s done that. “Listen, I know I was a little harsh in there, but it’s time to see yourself for who you really are, not the way he made you think you are. Because, if you don’t, you’re not likely to get a third chance to let my sister know you love her, and you’ll lose her for good. And I don’t want that for either of you.”

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