Page 65 of Stay With Me

“But, what if?—”

“Emily. Please. I need this night out without thinking about that or anything else except having a good time. Okay? I’m being careful. I promise.” Trina’s tone, usually confident and solid, sounds tired, shaky even. I fix my gaze on her for several long seconds, looking for any sign that she’s not being honest with me and, finding none, I nod in agreement.

But I’m not sure I’m going to enjoy myself tonight with this news.

Apparently, I’m wrong, because a half hour and two shots later, I’m relaxing and dancing with my friends. And I don’t mean to do a third shot in the first hour out, but when the bartender slides me and Shayna what he calls a Creamsicle Crush shot, on the house, I can’t refuse. Honestly, nor do I want to.

Janie has us playing a party game—whoever gets the mostunsolicitedphone numbers tonight wins one hundred dollars. Not a bad deal. By the time we leave the first bar, I’ve already got two.

I’m sure my outfit is helping. It’s fucking killer. Shayna and I have this thing we do when we’re going out. We pick out each other’s outfit—always tasteful—but we try to one up each other on the sexiness factor. Tonight, she’s got me in a rust-hued satin slip dress that hits just at mid-thigh with spaghetti straps and a cowl neckline. Iloveit and I feel pretty in it. And the shoes. Oh. My. God. They’re a copper-colored strappy shoe that laces about six inches up my ankle and they have an almost four-inch heel. I’m in love.

It also doesn’t hurt that Shayna and Annie are giving off serious ‘I’m taken, don’t flirt with me’ vibes and Trina is so gorgeous that most men are too intimidated to approach her.

But damn Christine is my actual competition. You’d think she wouldn’t be since she’s in her fifties, but, man, she knows how to work the crowd and there are a fair number of silver foxes out tonight.

Game on, Christine. Game on.

The rest of the night goes as expected—a penis hat for Annie to wear around, penis shaped cookies that Shayna made, and alotof alcohol. So much alcohol. Oh, and of course we have some dancing mixed in. I have a great time, only thinking about the fact that I need to start house hunting, and that I miss hanging out with Charlie, a few times.

After the last bar, Janie counts the phone number tally and that vixen Christine beat me, having eleven numbers to my nine. In reality, I’m okay with it. I won’t use them, anyway. None of us are in a state that we can drive, so I’m super grateful that we have the party bus. We drop a few of the ladies off at home and decide the rest of us want to crash the bachelor party.

Around midnight we try to sneak up on the guys, who are having a poker night on the patio at Ben’s house. However, the amount of alcohol we’ve consumed has seriously impaired our ability to be stealthy, and we’re found out almost immediately.

My eyes find Charlie, and he’s already looking at me, a hardened look in his eyes. I turn my gaze away as I whimper at how good he looks in black jeans and a fitted gray T-shirt that emphasizes his muscular frame. He looks delicious. I can’t help but giggle, even though I’m still pissed at him.

As I look around the patio, I take in the scene around me. Trina walking into Ben’s house with him following closely behind her. So weird. Annie and Jack are in an embrace. Shayna and Finn are off dancing away from everyone else. It all makes me feel temporarily more sober than I am.

I’m happy for my friends—thrilled, really—that they’ve found the kind of love they have with these guys. But my heart hurts, too. I know Teddy’s only been gone nine months, but I miss being loved romantically.

My vision blurs from unshed tears so I sit on a bench off to the side and close my eyes for a few seconds, hoping the slight dizziness from all the shots and the self-pity will go away. Instead, I’m taken back to how I felt when I saw Charlie’s phone a few weeks ago.

Damn this Bluetooth thing. Why do I always struggle with it? I’m toggling on Charlie’s Bluetooth when his phone vibrates in my hand and a text message pops up. I don’t mean to read it. It’s just instinct.

Linette: I’m free this Saturday if that works for you.

I don’t read the others, but the screen shows that the conversation has been going on for at least several texts. Linette? My co-worker?

My stomach drops and I momentarily feel nauseated when I realize Charlie is dating.

I force my eyes open. I don’t want to see that screen in my memories again. Nor do I want to relive that moment when I realized Charlie’s freakout after our kiss wasn’t about him not wanting to get involved with anyone. He just doesn’t want to get involved withme.

* * *

CHARLIE

I’m not sure what’s going on with Trina and Ben, but when Ben comes outside to make a plan for how we’re getting the women home safely tonight, Jack takes responsibility to get Janie home and Ben, shocking all of us, says he will make sure Trina is safe. Which is good because she is seriously toasted. And clearly, by the intimacy radiating off Shayna and Finn as they dance off to the side, Finn will get Shayna home.

“I’ll make sure Emily gets home,” I say.

I’m watching her out of the corner of my eye as she sits off to the side, alone. At first her eyes are closed, then they open, and she looks distressed, taking deep breaths in through her nose then out her mouth. That’s something I know she learned in therapy to help when she’s upset or anxious. Or when something triggers her. Worry for her overcomes me. I want to fix it—whatever it is.

Once our plan is in place, I say goodbye to everyone—well, except Finn and Shayna, because I’m not breaking that up—and walk over to Emily. I sit on the bench next to her.

“Hi.” My voice is practically a whisper. “Are you okay?”

She shocks me when she whips her head in my direction. “Areyouokay? I bet you are.” Her voice holds a note of challenge, and her forehead scrunches up. Then, suddenly, her shoulders sag and her face transitions to a more relaxed look. She glances down at her feet. “Shit, I’m sorry. I think it’s the alcohol making me bolder than normal. And maybe a little mean.”

I chuckle. “You’re not mean. But I know something is bothering you. Truthfully, I’ll take this Emily over the one who won’t talk to me.” I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees, my back slightly arched.

---