Page 73 of The One for Forever

“But I felt like I was supposed to be better. I was supposed to be more like you. And after mom died, I was supposed to get it together and stuff down my emotions.”

“You think that’s whatIdid? I was a mess.”

“Were you?” Cliff asks. “Because you never showed that to me.”

God, didn’t I?Was I trying so hard to be strong for my son that I hid my grief from him? Made him feel guilty for his? Quinnsaw me at some of my weakest moments when she was helping us get through those awful days. But did Cliff?

“Even at the police academy,” he says, “I got questions about my Green Beret dad who now worked with Max Bennett guarding celebrities. And let’s not forget, rebuilding disaster areas on the side. My instructors got this look on their faces when they saw my scores, like they couldn’t figure out how the son of Rex Easton was so damn mediocre.”

“I can’t imagine that’s true. You did well. You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you.”

Cliff goes on like he didn’t hear me. “I figured out how to be satisfied with what I could do, even if I could never measure up. Maybe I wasn’t superhero material, wasn’t going to be a SWAT sergeant or chief of police, but at least I had my friends. I had a life that was mine. I had Quinn, standing by me no matter what. But now, once again, I’m coming in second place to you.”

My stomach churns. “Are you saying you have romantic feelings for her? What about Lia?”

“No, it’s not like that with Quinn. I think of her like she’s my sister, which makes this even creepier. But that’s not even the point! It’s the fact that you decided, out of all the women in the world, to fuckmy best friend!”

Cliff’s chest heaves.

I’m reeling. Sick to my stomach. What can I say to all of that? Did I really fail him that badly?

At least I can explain what happened with Quinn.

“I didn’t fall for her intentionally. When I realized how I felt about Quinn, I tried to deny it and ignore it. I didn’t want to risk hurting you.”

Cliff snorts. “Sure. But you still did it. Would you have told me at all if I hadn’t shown up today?”

“I was planning to, yes. I was waiting for the right time. But I see that was a mistake. I’ve made a lot of them. It seems likeyou had a lot you needed to say to me that has nothing to do with Quinn, and I should’ve made it easier for you to talk to me.”

Cliff scoffs and looks away. I don’t know what caused this fresh offense. But I keep going. Trying to say what I need to say, even if I’m messing this up.

“I tried to put a lid on what I was feeling for Quinn, but I couldn’t stop it. Then I found out Quinn feels the same way about me. Neither of us wanted to upset you, but we had a chance at being happy together. I know firsthand how rare that is.”

“I guess,” he mutters.

“Can we talk about the rest of what you said? How you feel…less than me? Because I have never, ever, felt that way about you.”

“I can’t right now, Dad. I need some time to process this. I didn’t even mean to say all that. It just came out.”

“I’m glad it did. I want you to know how much I love you. You and I are different, but that’s okay. I’m sorry that I haven’t been more clear about my feelings, but I’m so fucking proud of who you are.”

Cliff doesn’t acknowledge what I’ve said.

He walks back to the patio, slides open the door, and goes inside instead.

“Damn it,” I mutter, dropping my head into my hands.

I’ve screwed up with him. Not just lately, but for years.

And now, maybe my words are too little, too late.

20

Cliff is yelling at his father on the patio, and it takes everything in me to stay inside and not defend him. This is my fault as much as Rex’s.

I busy myself with making breakfast and coffee instead. I find a canvas tote on the ground, which I assume Cliff brought with him. It holds a box of my favorite apple fritters from Westside Donuts.

Then I sit at the dining table, sipping a cup of coffee and catching up on email until Cliff comes inside. He glances at me, then quickly away.

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