Page 51 of Starcrossed Colorado

“You like it?”

“I can’t believe it,” she said again. Her fingertips traced the soft cover, and I couldn’t help imagining those fingers on my skin instead.

Nope. So not appropriate.

I shrugged. “It’s not exactly like your other one. But I figured this could fill in. Seemed like the journaling thing was important to you.”

“I love it so much. Thank you.” She hugged it to her chest. “You’re a very sweet man, Ashford, even if you spend a lot of energy pretending you’re not.”

Cue the discomfort. “Eh. I don’t know. Just don’t get used to it.”

Emma settled against the pillows. “Do you need to go?”

“Not yet.” I hadn’t looked at the clock for a while. Checking now, I was glad to see we had another hour.

“Would you tell me more about you and Maisie? It will distract me from the pain.” She batted her eyelashes.

I laughed. “And you say my daughter knows how to play me. You’re much more dangerous.”

“Iama musician. Playing things is my speciality.”

When she put it like that, how could I deny her? Even if the story was pretty depressing.

I stretched out my legs and started talking.

I told her about my mom having a stroke when I was thirteen. How my siblings and I had taken care of each other, since our dad hadn’t been interested. I didn’t talk about myself like this. Pretty much ever. But something about Emma made it easy.

Stella lazed half on my lap, half on Emma’s. I let myself sink into the pillows, and while I was talking, our arms ended up touching. Emma’s head found its way to my shoulder.

I told her how I’d met Lori on base. Her father had been a colonel. An overbearing tyrant of a man, especially to his wife and daughters. He’d never gotten violent with them. That would’ve risked losing face and being disciplined by his superiors. But he’d berated his family every chance he got until his wife and then Lori’s sister left. Lori was the only one who stayed.

“We were close friends for a long time. Kept in touch through every relocation. Then after I came back from my last deployment, Lori showed up on my doorstep. I guess we both needed something good. Maisie showed up nine months later.”

“Sounds like it was meant to be.”

I smiled, my gaze tracing patterns on the ceiling. “I’ve never described it that way. But it does feel like Maisie was meant to come into our lives. She’s what we both needed.”

Emma shifted against my side. “I should tell you. I already heard a little about Lori from Dixie and Piper. They said she was a great mom.”

“She was. I miss her like crazy.” But I felt like I should make things clear to Emma. I just didn’t want her to misunderstand.“Lori and I weren’t together, though. Our marriage wasn’t romantic. This was her room, actually.”

She paused, glancing around at the darkened space. “You don’t mind me being here?”

“Not at all. It’s been three years.”

“But emotions don’t keep time that way.”

I sighed, my eyes drifting closed. “I guess not. Most people expect me to be over her death. Especially because we weren’t in love.”

“It’s okay if you’re not over it.”

Callum, Elias, and Judson kept urging me to date. Same with Piper. They all meant well. I knew that. But for me, it wasn’t aboutmyneeds. Or even my heartbreak. I didn’t have a broken heart, not in the traditional sense. I wasangry. Furious that I’d lost my best friend. That my daughter didn’t have her mom. That Maisie had to count on me for everything, and what if I wasn’t good enough?

“I just wish I knewwhy,” I admitted. “Why Lori died.”

“I read a news article about the investigation. I googled you, and it came up.”

I chuckled. “You cyber-stalked me, Jennings?”

---