Page 29 of Ironhold: Trial Five

“If you have any sense, you will dothe one thing you can: you will forget me. You will go out there, win thegames, and you will allow me to be executed. Then you will finish your seasonson the sand and you will get out of the colosseum. If you don't do that, Lyra,don't expect there to be anything between us. I’m certainly not running away tosome vile little fishing village with you. Now get out of here. Get out!”

He's being loud enough that I knowother guards will come soon. It means I must leave even though my heart feelsas though it's about to break. How can Alaric treat me like this? How can hepush me away so completely? I had hoped for some grand reunion between us, butthis is the opposite of everything I wanted.

I flee the box, but Vex is waitingfor me. I move to push past him, but he stops me. I almost lash out on instinctwith my powers, starting to reach for the mind of the shadow cat to summon itto me and rip him apart.

“I'm guessing the reunion didn't goas well as I hoped?” he says.

“Be very careful what you say next,Vex,” I say, and there is enough of a promise of violence in my tone that hesteps back.

“You have seen him, but you havealso seen the impossibility of this situation,” Vex says. “You can’t fightforever. You don’t want it. He doesn’t want it. I can give you more. If youhelp me and my side prevails, then I will pardon Alaric and set him free. Youwill both be free and together. I can give you that. The emperor will not.”

Those words cut through myheartbreak and anger. They're enough to make me listen, at least briefly.

“And what do you want?” I ask.

“Let's start with one simple pieceof information. Currently the budding rebellion is too fractured, split betweentoo many sides. I know that there are others who also plan to seize power, andthey could be dangerous. I believe that you know the location of the spectralcovenant. Their activities get in the way of ours. So, if you decide you wantto go with my side, that is the piece of information you need to give me toprove that you are loyal to it.”

“You're asking me to betray them?”I say. I shake my head instantly.

“That is what I want, Lyra. If youwant to save Alaric, that is the price.”

Chapter Sixteen

The worst part is that even when Ifeel as though my heart is breaking, I cannot simply go off and be alone. I tryto go down to the beast pits but the trainers there quickly point me back inthe direction of the receiving rooms, making it clear that I have duties toattend to.

I go up there with tears in myeyes, trying to hold back the emotions I feel from my face but knowing that itis no use. I have never been able to disguise my emotions well, and now itfeels as though I am a dam with cracks spreading across me, unable to hold backthe tide of pain that waits behind.

I sit in a corner of the receivingrooms, and occasionally nobles come to me. They quickly back away. It's as ifthey can sense the pain and the anger within me, and they leave as quickly asthey might with an angry hunting hound. I am alone in the receiving rooms, atleast for now.

How could Alaric say any of thethings he has? How could he drive me away so completely? He will refuse to seeme? That feels like a knife being driven through my ribs. I'm doing all of thisfor him. I made my deal with the emperor to keep him alive. Everything I havedone has been to ensure that we can still be together and now he does not wantto be.

I'm starting to suspect that thethings I have seen behind the mask of his arrogance were never really there atall. All the tenderness and the love, the hurt and the gentleness seem so faraway now.

I sit there, listening to thesounds of the arena from the outside. Those filter in through the walls so thatI can hear the roar of the crowd and the cries of pain. A beast roars, and Ireach out automatically, looking through the eyes of the birds around thestadium. I have the power to see everything now, but it just means that I seethe moment when a small group of criminals is torn apart by an angry chimera,their blood spraying across the sand. I watch the faces of the nobles and thecrowd, seeing the primal emotions there, the bloodlust and the savage joy atthe death of others.

I hate that. I hate the way theylook on while others are killed for their amusement. The chimera is slowlytearing into the abdomen of one man and he is crying out for help but no one isgiving it to him.

I can help him, although help ishardly the word for it. I reach into the chimera’s mind almost without thinkingabout it and have the beast slash its claws across the criminal's throat. I cando nothing to save him, but at least I can give him a death that is not filledwith agony. I leave the chimera behind, abandoning its mind and returning to mybody. I do not want to watch whatever bouts are to come next. I am sick of thedeath and the violence.

A part of me wonders if Alaric isright. That is one reason why his words hurt so much: because he might have apoint. What kind of life am I giving the two of us by agreeing to the emperor'sterms? I have agreed to an existence where I will need to fight for the rest ofwhat is likely to be a short life, while he will be a prisoner, who only livesso that the emperor can control me. I'm sure the emperor will give me time withhim, but it is clear Alaric does notwantthat time now. Perhaps henever will. The situation seems designed to drive us apart, each of usresenting the other for our situation.

How could he say that he wishedCallus had killed me?

That is one of the worst hurts ofall. Alaric seems to have the knack of knowing exactly where to hurt me most,exactly which words will affect me to the greatest degree. He has literallywished me dead. How can any relationship between us survive such a thing?

And even that part is true. IfAlaric had not helped me, if I had died, would either of us really be worse offnow? I'm still going to die if the emperor gets his way. I'm going to have tofight with no hope of ever making it out of the colosseum, and ultimately thatis a death sentence. At some point I will be too slow or too weak, too injuredor just not lucky enough to come through one of my bouts. I have seen so manystrong gladiators die out there in the colosseum. Do I really think that I willbe any different?

And Alaric… if he had not helpedme, then he would be free of all of this right now. He would have a place ofhonor out in Aetherian society, probably with a marriage to some wealthy noblewoman. Even his family would be forced to acknowledge his success. Instead, heis kept as a prisoner, and he will die the moment I fail. I have not saved himfrom execution, merely delayed the moment when it will come.

I'm still thinking about it when afigure comes over to me, a noble woman in her forties, with dark hair and finefeatures that have a faint hint of familiarity to them. She wears an expensivegown, along with bangles and rings that proclaim her wealth.

For a moment I assume this isanother noble coming to me to try to be seen along with one of the successfulgladiators of the games, or perhaps to try to for more. I cannot openly rebuffher, but I can give her a hard look that makes it clear I'm not interested inany company at the moment. It has worked so far.

“You must be Lyra,” she says,ignoring the look and sitting down next to me on the couch.

“Forgive me my lady I am…” Istruggle for the words to tell her that I don't want to talk to anyone rightnow, trying to find some way to say it that won't earn me punishment. Althoughmaybe I should just come out and say it like that and accept the punishment. Atleast then, the pain would match what I feel inside.

“I am Lillian Blackthorn,” shesays.

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