Page 19 of One Last Step

“To visit the museum,” I reply slowly.

”What specifically did you want to visit?”

“The clocks.I am quite fascinated by them, especially the grandfather clocks.I’ve been considering a purchase of a grandfather clock for my home in Boston.”

His eyes narrow.“Miss Mary, you completely bypassed the second floor.You spent less than five minutes in exhibit two, all of which were spent looking at the pocket watch.Then you proceeded to Exhibit one and spent the rest of your time downstairs talking to another suspect.”

“Not correct, Inspector.I stayed in exhibit one the entire time.I never visited exhibit two.”

“We have video evidence, Miss Wilcox.Shall I show it to you?”

I open my mouth to challenge him to do exactly that, but then I stop.I consider myself to be an excellent judge of human character, and I don’t believe that Jacques is lying.But how could he have footage of me in a room in which I’ve never set foot?

“Is it safe to say that you have no memory of entering that room?”

I’m not sure it’s safe to say anything, but I reply, “Yes.”

He nods.“I can believe that.You have a history of mental health concerns, yes?”

I flinch.My shock manifests as indignation when I say, “I fail to see how my medical history is any of your business.”

“I’ll explain.According to your records with the cantonal police department, you’ve admitted to a history of involuntary commitment to a psychological hospital.”

“That’s—”

He raises his hand, “I haven’t looked up the details of that event, but would it be accurate of me to say that one of your symptoms was a tendency to dissociate and awake to find yourself with hours of time missing and no memory of how you got where you were or what you did while you were asleep?”

I don’t reply.He’s right, of course, but there’s no way he could have guessed at exactly what the most damning symptom of my breakdown was.If I challenge him on that, I’ll be as much as admitting that he’s correct.

What I say instead after a moment of thought is, “Those records are over thirty years old.What relevance could they possibly have to a missing pocket watch?”

“Kleptomaniacs often claim that their thefts take place while they are in a dissociative state.There’s some clinical evidence to believe they may be telling the truth.Now if you stole that watch while unaware of your actions, then we can’t charge you with criminal activity.We may, however, be able to reproduce that memory and learn where you hid it, when—”

"Oh, for God's sake, Inspector.Enough of this.I've been polite, but this is ridiculous.I've not had a dissociative state anytime recently, and I didn't steal the pocket watch.If you want to talk further with me, I'd be happy to do so once you provide me with a warrant."I brush past him and head for my room."Good day, Inspector."

He doesn’t follow me.I maintain my cool until my door is locked.Then I burst into tears and drop to the bed to muffle the sound of my crying.

I'm angry and deeply offended at Jacques's and Elena's treatment of me, but the tears I cry now are motivated by fear.Three months ago, while working for the Bellamy's, I had possibly the most powerful dissociative episode of my life when I stood for hours in the middle of a state forest in Martha's Vineyard talking to a ghostly apparition of my sister.Last summer, I had an episode where I played a very complicated jazz piano composition without being aware of my actions at all.

My mental health is still fragile.And I had a bad nightmare the night before the theft.Could it be possible that I had another dissociative episode and took the watch without realizing it?

And if so, how much worse will I get before I can no longer hide it?What further crimes will I commit while I am unaware of my own actions?

I’m very afraid to discover what the answers to those questions might be.I care very deeply about Sophia, but if I am suffering from a relapse of my dissociative episodes, then I can’t care for a child.

I cling to the fact that the watch wasn’t found in my possession.If I am the one causing trouble for this family without even realizing it, then the right thing for me to do is to leave Elena’s employ.

And if I am not thinking clearly, then how can I learn what happens to my sister?

I lift my phone and start to dial Sean’s number, but I don’t.He will be sympathetic, but I can’t bear to hear his pity right now.It will only remind me that I am pitiable.

So I only bury my head in my hands and weep.

CHAPTER TEN

When I am under control again, I freshen up and head downstairs to begin Sophie’s instruction.Jacques is gone, and Elena is downstairs running the museum.Sophie presses me for information about my conversation with Jacques, but I gently rebuff her, and eventually she gives up and stops pushing me.When her schoolwork is done, I announce that I’m taking her for a late lunch in Old Town.I need fresh air, and more importantly, I need some distance from Elena.

I find Elena downstairs and tell her I’m taking Sophie out.She doesn’t seem pleased, but there are guests around, and she doesn’t forbid me.

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