Page 55 of One Last Step

She reaches for my hand and squeezes softly.I can’t express how much that little act of kindness does for me.My heart sores, and I actually laugh a little.I’m holding my niece’s hand.I know I’ve only just met her, but she is family.Better, she is a reflection of Annie as she would have been had she been fortunate enough to have loving parents instead of a monster of a mother and a father whose flame was rapidly quenched by that mother’s shadow.

“So how did you learn for sure that I was your niece?Or did you just figure it out right away as well?”

“I found your mother’s journal.”

Claudia frowns.“Her journal?Where?”

“Well, actually Sophie found it.It was in one of the museum’s storage rooms.”

“Huh.I never knew that mother visited the museum.You’re sure it’s her journal?I have her journal at home.She filled sixteen notebooks.”

"Seventeen."I pull the journal from my bag and set it on the table.Claudia takes it, and her eyes widen when she opens it."Wow.Thisismy mother’s handwriting.I can’t believe… Yes, that’s her name, and here it mentions my father.”She tilts her head.“Come to think of it, shedidmention that she’d lost a notebook once when she was caught snooping around a museum.I suppose Elena placed it in the lost and found and forgot about it.”

“That may be,” I reply.“I meant to return it to her, but when I discovered who its author was, I couldn’t.”

“Of course not.And it mentions you in here?I don’t see it in these first few entries.”

My smile fades a little.“No.Save for a typo on Christmas, I am not brought up until the very last entry.”

She turns to the back of the book and reads silently.I don’t need to follow along.I’ve already committed the words to memory.

July 10th,

I have avoided this subject since starting this journal.Actually, I’ve avoided it since I left Boston, but now, looking down at Claudia’s tiny form, I can’t help but wish that Mary was here to share this joy with me.

I wonder what she’s doing now?Did she finish her psychology degree?Is she now telling people how to be sensible and content?

I miss her.I didn’t think I would, but I do.I miss her so much.I thought when I left that I hated her.I focused on the arguments we had, and the way she used to talk like she thought herself better than me.I think, really, that I hated myself.I hated Mom and Dad too, more so Mom, but mostly I hated myself.I hated that I was turning into Mom, except that Mom, at least, stuck around for her family when she didn’t want to.

She painted a much fonder picture of our mother than I remember, but that’s all right.It’s good that she learned to see the best in others.I still struggle with that.

I wish I had told her where I was going.I don’t think I could have convinced her to come with me, but we could have kept in contact.I could have told her about all of my adventures.She would have flooded me with advice and scoldings and warnings, and every note would have ended with a reason why I should come home, but I could have handled that.

I hope that wherever she is, she thinks fondly of me from time to time.I hope she doesn’t hate me for leaving, or if she does, that she at least remembers that she once loved me, and I loved her.We fought a lot, especially at the end, but I never hated her.I know that now.

I don’t hate myself either.I’ve learned to grow past the trauma of my youth and focus on building a future I can be content with and even proud of.I laughed as I wrote that.Mary would be so proud of the way I phrased that.

I have a lot more on my mind, but Claudia’s waking up now.I’m going to feed her and then try and get some sleep myself if I can.Carl misses me in bed with him, and honestly, I miss being in bed with him.

So, until tomorrow,

Annie.

Claudia’s eyes are also brimming with tears by the time she finishes reading that.“Wow.That’s so lovely.”

I chuckle.“Yes, I suppose it is.Like a daffodil breaking through the snow to signal the coming of spring.”

Her eyes widen.“That’s beautiful, Mary.If you ever get tired of being a detective, you should consider writing.”

I laugh.“Well, perhaps someday I’ll record some of my own adventures.As for the detective work, I think I might be nearing the end of that.”

She smiles in understanding.“You’ve solved the most important mystery now.”

“Yes.It appears so.”

She falls silent for a moment, then stands abruptly.“Take that to go,” she says, pointing at my crepe.“I have something to show you.”

I raise an eyebrow and call the server over.Three minutes later, I am in Claudia’s car driving to her home in Eaux-Vives, a residential neighborhood close to old Town.I am curious to see what Claudia has to show me, but as I look out the window at the sunlight reflecting off of the lake, I know that whatever it is, I will remain content.I can finally lay Annie to rest, and with her the pain and grief and worry that has plagued me for thirty years.

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