Page 101 of The Secret Of Us

I turn to look at her, my eyebrows creased as I try to figure out what exactly she doesn’t believe.

“Even if it started out as that, I don’t think it was ever fake for him,” she continues. “Izzy, he looked at you like you hung the sun, the moon, and every single star in the sky.”

I avert my gaze back up to the ceiling, hoping that neither of them can see the tears that are threatening to spill out.

“You’ll find your way back to each other,” Chloe says. “It might take some time, but you had something special.”

We really did. I want to believe we still do.

“I can’t sit around and wait for him to come back,” I say.

“No one said you have to do that,” Amelia says. “You can go and see the world, enjoy yourself, and have the best time.Andyou can still believe that you’ll find each other again.”

“You’re not leaving forever, and neither is he. Maybe it’ll be even better if you give it another shot when you’re both older,” Chloe adds.

I consider their words and see the truth in them. Noah said he needed time to process what he’s been through, and maybe I need that too. We’re just approaching it in different ways.

“He said he would come back to me,” I tell them.

“Then he will,” they both say.

I hold their words close to my heart, and trust in my best friends—and in Noah.

36

NOAH

The overlapping soundsof thousands of people chattering, announcements over the speakers, the beeping of various machines, and just general noise are why airports are never a fun experience for me.

Eomma takes a stack of passports out of her handbag, checking to make sure she’s got all of ours. She opens and closes each one, and then it’s our turn to check in. I push the suitcases toward the desk as Eomma starts the process, handing our passports over to the woman behind the counter in a light blue suit.

After getting everything in order here, it’s time for us to go to Korea to get Halmeoni. Eomma has been back and forth to Korea more times than I can count in the months since Halabeoji passed away. Eventually, they decided that she should move here for a while instead so we could take care of her. There are still a couple of things she needs to finish up before she can move, though, so we’re all heading over there.

I haven’t been back since February. Even though I left school and could have gone with Eomma, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I distracted myself by helping Appa move back home. I don’t know when they had a conversation about it but when we got back from Korea, he was ready to come back to us. It’s the only positive thing that came out of this.

I thought our family would feel normal again once he moved back, but the absence of Halabeoji hangs over us all. Our family will never be like it was again, and that’s something I still need to come to terms with.

I lift the suitcases on to the belt one by one until they’re all checked in. Eomma’s hand rests gently on my elbow as I do it, her thumb running back and forth. We get our boarding passes and move away from the desk, Appa taking care of them all now. Eomma and Mina go to the bathroom, so we linger around to wait for them before we go through security.

I’m about to say something to him when I hear a familiar sound—a soft laugh that I would recognise in any life. Glancing around, my eyes finally land on blonde hair and a side profile I’ve memorised and recalled every single night. It feels like a spear through my chest to see her here.

I’m frozen as I watch her talk to her brother and his fiancée—two people I never got the pleasure of meeting before everything fell apart. He checks over her carry-on and then takes her small bag from her to pull out her passport before replacing it again.

A family walks past, blocking my view, and I step to the side, my feet moving without me even thinking about it so I can get a clearer view. In that second, I couldn’t see her, the two enveloped her in a hug, and I’ve never felt more jealous in my life.

“Adeul.”

I hear Appa calling me, but I can’t make myself move closer to him again. I can’t take my eyes off the girl I’m still so hopelessly in love with.

She hasn’t noticed me, and why would she? There are hundreds of people just in this small area of the airport. She has no reason to look for me when I’ve given her no indications of any of my plans. All I told her was that I would be back for her—and I will. But not now. Not while everything is still too raw, and I haven’t taken all the steps to get better yet.

I’m working on it though. I’ve started seeing a therapist, and we’re going to continue sessions even while I’m in Korea. We’re working through the guilt I still feel about Halaeboji, but also about everything else that’s happened in the past year, too. It’s been helping more than I thought it would, but there’s still a lot more I need to process before I can face her again.

So I turn away.

In my absence, Eomma and Mina have joined Appa again, so I go to them. I try to pull myself together, to act like everything’s fine and the girl that’s been in my dreams every single night since I left her isn’t just a few feet away.

But then Eomma’s hand is on my arm, and when I glance down at her, her eyes are fixed on the same spot, too.

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