Page 39 of The Secret Of Us

“Me either,” she adds, her eyes searching mine for just a second before she looks ahead again. “Okay, second rule. As soon as one of us starts feeling uncomfortable, we have to end it.”

“Of course. I don’t want you to ever feel like that,” I reassure her. “What if I just follow your lead?”

“What do you mean?”

“I won’t do anything unless you initiate it first.”

It’s the least creepy way to phrase what I’m trying to say. What I really mean is I won’t touch her, or go near her, or do anything at all to her, unless she does it to me first.

“But what if I make you uncomfortable?” she asks, and I’m genuinely confused for a moment. It never even crossed my mind that could ever happen. I glance at her for a second, the dawning realisation that she might actually care about me setting in.

“I don’t think you will,” I tell her.

I’ve only known her for a few weeks, but I have confidence that Izzy would never make me feel like that. I think back on all our interactions so far, especially the first. She approached me like I was a stray animal, coaxing me with sweet words until I finally gave in.

I look ahead again, my mind starting to wander. There’s something else we need to talk about—a much more awkward topic—but if there’s a time for it, it’s now. It’s something I tried not to think too much about earlier, my face warming every time it popped into my mind.

“For the… I mean…physically…” I trail off as soon as I feel her gaze on me. I swallow, my throat feeling dry, and I pull at the collar of my hoodie that suddenly feels too tight even though it’s a size bigger than I usually wear.

“Yeah, about that. I guess we should probably hold hands when we’re together, if that’s okay with you?”

I don’t think she realises that she’s locked her fingers together in front of her while she said that, but I noticed. I put my hands in my pockets to stop myself from doing the same thing.

“I’m fine with that.”

More than fine.

“For other stuff…” She keeps fiddling with her fingers, this topic getting more and more awkward by the second.

“Other stuff?” I tease, turning my head to the side to look at her.

The pink on her cheeks doesn’t seem like it’s just from the cold. I realise then that she’s still just wearing a T-shirt, no jacket in sight. I pull my hoodie over my head, holding it out to her.

“It’s getting cold. You should wear this.”

“Oh.” She hesitates for a second, before I see her shiver, and then she takes it from me. Her fingers run over it, and I don’t know why it feels like she’s doing that to me. “Thanks, you’re already getting into this whole boyfriend thing.”

Izzy tugs it over her head, and it’s baggy on me, so she’s practically drowning in it. I make a mental note to buy some more fitted ones.

“Back to theotherstuff,” I say as we start another lap of the field.

“Right. I was thinking if you don’t want to, we don’t have to do any of the other stuff…like kissing or whatever.”

Her voice gets quieter on the last words, and it’s such a contrast to the loud and confident Izzy I’ve gotten used to.

I look down at my scuffed trainers, thinking about what I haven’t told her yet. But, since she brought it up, I guess it’s the perfect time to.

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” I confess.

She stops walking, but I’m already a step ahead so I turn to face her.

“Ever?” she asks, looking up at me in surprise. I’m not sure if I should be offended or not.

I know most people have already had their first kiss by now, but it’s never been anything that interested me that much. I’ve always been too focused on school to think about a relationship.

“It’s not a big deal to me,” I shrug, “I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone enough before to do it.”

I’ve never had a real crush on anyone. Any interest I’ve had in girls has always been fleeting. There’s never been anything substantial enough for me to pursue a relationship. Half the time, I think I was just going along with what my friends said, forcing myself to think I liked someone because it felt like that was what I was supposed to do.

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