Page 63 of The Secret Of Us

“Really well,” I tell him, updating him on my grades.

“I’ll buy you something delicious when you come home,” he promises, and I remember why I called him in the first place.

“I don’t think I can come to Korea in February,” I confess. I don’t want to disappoint him by not visiting when he’s already looking forward to it.

“Why not?” he asks, but there’s no ire in his voice—there never is. It’s just simple curiosity.

“There’s a school trip to France to play football with some other schools. I think it could be fun.”

“Of course you have to go, Kkumie. I’ll always be here waiting for you.”

I tip my head up to the ceiling, my eyes stinging for I don’t even know what reason. I wish he was in England with us. I hate that there’s so much distance between us, hate that there’s only this small window of time in the day when we can talk to each other.

“I’m going to see if I can come for a few days after. Maybe I can fly straight from France to Korea.”

As soon as I think of the idea, I pull the phone away from my ear and put it on speaker so I can start looking at flights.

“If that’s what you want to do, we can figure it out.” There’s a clattering sound in the background again, and I hear Halmeoni calling for him. “I think she broke something. I’m going to go and check on her. Let me know what you decide on. I’ll be happy even if you only come for a few days.”

“There’s a few flights that could work,” I tell him. “I’ll ask Eomma and Appa about it later.”

“That sounds like a good idea. Goodnight, Kkumie. I love you.” I hear him shuffling around, starting to make his way toward wherever my grandma is.

“Goodnight, Halabeoji. I love you, too.”

We hang up and I turn on my side, my head heavy on the pillow as I hope that sleep will come quickly.

It doesn’t.

Instead, I find myself staring through the gap in my curtains at the starry sky outside, wondering if Izzy is doing the same.

* * *

The restof the week passes pretty normally. I show up at Izzy’s room every day with breakfast, we walk together to homeroom, and we carry on as normal. She doesn’t mention the kiss, so I don’t either.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it. A lot. Way more than I want to admit.

“Are you going home for half term?” Izzy asks me as we walk back to her room. We’ve spent most of the evening studying together in the library to get as much done before the break.

“I’m not sure yet,” I tell her, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Why not?”

I haven’t told Izzy about my parents. Even though she told me about hers, I didn’t want to mention it then and take away from what she was telling me. And there hasn’t really been any opportunities for it come up naturally in conversation since then.

Even though I’ve tried to be better at talking to them and keeping in contact, I haven’t. I mainly speak to them through Mina, getting updates from her as she passes on news to them. The guilt I feel whenever I speak to them myself is so overpowering that I’ve been avoiding it as much as possible.

When I do work up the courage, our conversations are always surface level. They both check in to make sure I’m eating enough and keeping up with schoolwork, but it never goes past that. Since Mina told them, they haven’t asked anything else about Izzy. I think they’re waiting for me to mention her first, but I want to keep them separate in my mind.

I definitely can’t tell them about Ryan or the fact that most people in my year seem to have figured out what happened at my old school. My parents are both still dealing with their separation, and it doesn’t seem fair for me to burden them with my problems—again.

I glance down at Izzy as she waits for my answer, wondering if it’s okay to tell her. Her parents are still together, but she must have dealt with a similar feeling when she left them. Even if it wasn’t the same for her, I know I can trust Izzy.

“My parents decided to separate over the summer. I feel like if I go home to one of them, it’s like I’m betraying the other. So I think it might be easier to stay here over the break.”

I anticipate Izzy asking why they separated, or how long it’s been going on for, or how I feel about all of it. Instead, she offers a solution.

“You could always spend a few days with each of them. Three days with your mum, three with your dad. And then come back early before school starts to get settled again.”

---