Page 99 of The Secret Of Us

“Thanks, anyway,” I say, giving him a weak smile. He doesn’t fall for it.

Luke pulls me into a hug, and I don’t fight him on it.

“He’ll come back, Izzy. I know he will.” Luke reassures me.

I nod my head against his chest. I believe he will, too.

“You coming up?” he says as he lets go of me.

“I’m gonna hang around here for a bit,” I tell him, gesturing to the playing fields.

“Alright, well, call or text me if you need anything.”

I nod and Luke makes his way up the stairs, leaving me alone. I let out a heavy sigh, tilting my head back to the sky as I close my eyes.

Noah will come back. Ihaveto believe that.

I drop my head and start heading toward the field that we walked around together the night we decided to give this fake dating thing a chance. It feels like a lifetime ago now.

I walk around and around, recounting that night. I was so nervous. I thought Noah would hate me for even suggesting it in the first place, so it surprised me when he agreed to go along with all of it. Even though I hate how it started, I’m so glad it did.

I pull out all the memories I’ve stored up from these past few months with him. All the times he’s made me laugh by just being himself, how endearing it was when I could feel how nervous he was about even holding my hand.

I think about our first kiss, how it felt like all my dreams were coming true. Everything I’ve imagined about my future felt like it was being realised with that kiss. I thought I’d finally found my person, the one I could call at any time, spend all my quiet moments with and all the important ones, too. I thought it was the start of the rest of my life.

By the time I come back to the present, the sun has set and the sky is filled with stars. I stop walking, dropping to sit on the ground with my legs crossed. I tip my head back to stare at the stars, pulling out the constellations that I showed him that first night.

A lump fills my throat, and my eyes start to sting as I finally let myself look at the moon. I fall backward, my hands coming up to cover my face as my shoulders shake, sobs wracking my body. I drop my hands to my chest as if I can reach in and pull out my heart, so it stops hurting.

I look at the moon again and hope Noah is looking at it, too.

35

IZZY

THREE MONTHS LATER

“Come on, one last time?”

Both of my friends roll their eyes at me, but when Amelia reaches over to take the laptop from me and pulls upScream, I can’t hide my smile.

Today marked the end of our exams, and even though I’m more than settled in my decision not to go to university, I still thought I’d feel some kind of worry about it. But once that final call was made and we were told to put our pens down, all I felt was relief at knowing that I’d never have to do anything like that again in my life.

There are still a few weeks before we have to officially move out of our rooms, so Amelia, Chloe, and I have decided to rotate between our rooms and have a sleepover every night. It feels bittersweet to know that we won’t ever be this physically close to each other again. I won’t be able to go down the hall to their rooms, or have breakfast with them every day, or annoy them at odd hours just because I’m bored. But I’m glad they’re both going to the same place after this, and that I know there’ll always be a space for me.

“I still don’t understand how you’re not bored of watching the same movie a hundred times,” Chloe says, cocooning herself in a blanket.

“It’s a great movie,” I tell her, even though we’ve had this conversation so many times before. We humour each other every time though.

“Okay, but can we watchTangledafter this?” Amelia says as she clicks around to make the movie full screen before she passes it to me.

I rest it on my thighs so they can see it on either side of me. I’m tucked in the middle of them, and even though I feel like a furnace as the summer months roll in, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I start the movie, and when Casey answers the ringing phone to set up one of the most iconic opening scenes in horror movie history, my mind drifts. I think back to how different it was the last time I watched this movie—with Noah.

I haven’t heard anything from him since he left my room. I’ve thought about texting him so many times, wondered if he’d answer if I called. But I know that I have to leave him alone for now. He told me that he needs time to process everything he’s been through, and I can’t interfere with that in any way, just because I want to be selfish.

I still have faith that he’ll come back to me. I have to believe the promise he made, or else I’ll completely fall apart.

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