Page 30 of Going Home

Acoupleofdayshavepassed since everything happened at the clubhouse with Felicity, and Ky stands outside the house, just staring.Thehouse. He supposes it'sherhouse for the time being since he's not allowed to come back home yet. It's the house he worked his ass off with the club to pay for. To give her and their children a roof over their heads while also putting food on the table. No matter how tight money got, he always found a way to make sure they had everything they needed.

He's not without flaws. He knows he's a very flawed man, but she can't stay mad at him for something that happened almost twenty years ago, can she?

Of course, she can stay mad at me. God, I'm an idiot. I slept with her sister. Not only that, I lied. Well, lied by omission. No matter what state I was in, or that we weren't together, it's a line a man should never cross. Ever.

The last way Ky ever expected Felicity to find out was from a diary that Victoria kept. Why the hell would she even write about it? Anyone could steal it. He used to steal Ashley's diary to read with Colt, so there was always a chance Felicity would read Vicky's. What makes him even more upset is that sick part of him that wants to know how she rated him. Considering it ranks up on the worst things he's ever done in his life, he hopes she says he was the worst fuck she's ever had. That he has a lot to learn.

She came, fucking moron. She's not going to say I was terrible because she's the one who taught me what it felt like to have a pussy squeezing my cock. No matter how much I wish she'd say I was lacking in bed.

Why the fuck would she write about it? I thought we were on the same page. Writing about it is just as bad as saying it aloud! Except when writing about it, it can be found by anyone. Fuck!

I threw up afterwards, and she looked as horrified as I felt. I know I wasn't the only one feeling that way. Besides, if she planned to tell Felicity, she would have found the time to tell her when it would’ve really hurt her. Like when she told everyone I'd knocked her up.

Ky hopes the time he's given Felicity has calmed her down, and he hopes they can talk rationally He knows without a doubt he fucked up, but the way she handled everything pisses him off. No matter what, though, he still loves her. Would do anything for her.

Stepping up onto the porch, he pauses before hitting the front door with his fist.

This is my fucking house. Why am I knocking? This is so stupid.

No matter how stupid he feels, he knows better than to try and walk inside without announcing himself. That might even earn him a bullet in the chest, and he sighs as he hits the metal door three times.Knock, knock, knock.

"What are you doing here?" Felicity asks after the door swings open.

The anger in her gaze takes him aback.Apparently, time has only made this worse."I have a right to see my daughter. She still lives here, right?"

"It's the middle of the morning, and she's in school. Gracie's not here, Ky."

"We need to talk, Felicity."

Shaking her head, she steps onto the porch rather than letting him inside. "There's nothing to talk about. You had your chance for almost two decades, and you didn't. Why start now?"

"There is a lot for us to talk about. Do you really want to do this out here for the neighbors to see? You know how Mr. Green stands with his binoculars waiting for something juicy to happen."

The old man across the street lives for gossip. He got a lot of it in their early years together. First, because of the fights Felicity and Victoria had in the front yard before Victoria died. Then, there were a few times when Ky wasn't sure his marriage would survive the strain of being married so young with a kid. Mr. Green has seen many shouting matches outside, one of which involved Felicity throwing most of his clothes out the window.

The one good thing about Mr. Green being a busy body is that things rarely get by him. As long as he's home, which is pretty much always, he keeps an eye on things. It gives Ky a small bit of comfort knowing he'd call the cops if he sees something out of the ordinary when Ky's on a run. His family had someone still watching them, even if it was for mostly entertainment purposes.

"I'll never forgive you for this, Ky. Or anyone else who knew and said nothing," Felicity says. "Do you realize how humiliating it is to know everyone else knew?"

"First of all, not everyone knew. Colt knew because I felt like shit. Same with Lex. Ashley found out from Vicky, for some reason, but I made her swear never to say a word. Second, this is my fault and mine alone. They all told me to tell you, but I was afraid you'd react like this. I didn't want to risk it because I love you."

She snorts and looks towards the yard. "You love me? You love me so much that you not only fucked my sister, but you lost your virginity to her then lied and told me we lost ours together. That feels a hell of a lot like anything except love."

"You don't understand the state of mind I was in when it happened."

"That makes lying to me for almost twenty years okay? That just excuses it? You were in a bad way?"

"My mom was just murdered! You'd dumped my ass a week before that happened, and you never once checked in on me to see how I was doing. You weren't speaking to me, and you were the only one I wanted to talk to. My dad fell apart, my sister started self-medicating, and I didn't know up from down. Yeah, I was in a bad fucking way. I went to the clubhouse and drank, and I was in such a bad place that no one even blinked an eye at the sixteen-year-old drinking whiskey straight from the bottle at the bar."

Sniffling, she shakes her head and refuses to look at him. "Oh, so this is my fault, and you were drunk. I guess I should just forgive and forget."

"When your sister offered me the chance to feel something besides the black hole slowly sucking me in, I took it. I regretted it as soon as it was over, but I was willing to do anything to drown out the pain threatening to kill me, Felicity."

She shakes her head. "That—"

"I regret it happened, but I can't take it back no matter how much I want to. I've been pretending it didn't happen pretty much ever since it did. It was wrong, and the reasons behind it don't make it okay. I just hope you can step back and understandwhyit happened. How bad off I

had to be in order to do something like that, especially to you. Because I knew it would hurt you the moment I came to my senses, but it was too late."

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