Page 81 of Going Home

"You didn't think that before," he says and waves before walking inside again.

Cinder walks up and wraps her arms around his waist. "What was that all about?"

"Old history."

"I saw you threaten that guy. The groom," she says. "It was so hot."

"Wanna show me how hot you thought it was?"

Nodding, she takes his hand and heads towards his apartment, weaving through the crowd of people. "So much."

"I need to pay to have your hood fixed. Lex's brother dented it when I slammed him against it. Asshole."

She giggles, and he looks over his shoulder to catch sight of Marnie. She'd followed him inside, and she watches him walk into his room with Cinder. He hates knowing he causes her pain, but she needs to understand he's not her toy to play around with. Not anymore.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Griffin's Beach

Felicity

Cominghomefromthewedding, Felicity decides it's time to get over being so angry. It's time to finally read Vicky's diaries. As she watched Ky and Venom defend Lex, she couldn't deny the relationship between her husband and former friend. The sibling relationship they seem to have, and she longs for the time she had that with Vicky. One of her biggest regrets is not getting to know her more before she died.

The rivalry between them never made any sense. They were so close until it all shifted one day. Felicity remembers the day, too. She'd come home from school, ready to tell her big sister about the girl Lex beat up on the playground for saying her dad was a dirty biker, but Vicky wasn't interested. That was the day she started spending most of her time alone in her room, and no matter how hard Felicity tried, Vicky completely shut her out. Of her room and her life.

It was then that she decided that if she wasn't good enough for her sister, she would be better. It only started as a way to get Vicky to notice her. If she thought her little sister was too immature or stupid, she was going to be more mature and smarter than Vicky. It backfired, though, and it made things worse rather than better. Even when Felicity tried to stop the stupid game they played, she'd already set it in motion, and it was too late.

"I wish would've just let me in, Vicky," Felicity says and reaches for a diary. "Maybe I can get to know you this way. I just pray there's nothing else in here that will break my heart."

God, I hate Felicity. She's just so damn perfect. But what I hate even more is the fact I don't hate her. I'm actually kind of jealous, which makes me hate her.

I may be the older sister, but she's wise beyond her years. She also knows what she deserves and refuses to accept anything less. How great that must be. I, on the other hand, tend to accept whatever scraps get thrown my way because I'm not good enough. Not like Felicity. Jesus, I sound pathetic. What older sister thinks, "Gee, I wish I could be more like my little sis?" It's so fucked up, but it's true. I wish I was more like her. Not that I can ever tell her that. I'd shoot myself before admitting it to her.

How she's always so put together, I'll never know. I can't figure it out. I have all these wild thoughts and urges that she doesn't seem to possess. Or maybe she's better at pushing them down and ignoring them than I am. If we had a better relationship, I could ask her, but she'd never tell me now. I can't admit anything because she'll be able to use it against me.

No, she can't have the same feelings I do. There's no way she's a better actress than I am. No one compares to me. Not even Mom knows the doctor she sent me to diagnosed me as a schizophrenic. AT least I can hide it in front of the family. School, though, it's a lot harder to maintain my image for longer stretches. I think it's time I drop out. Who needs school anyway? I have a hot body. I can make money with it for at least a few years, and then I'll just find a rich old man.

Maybe that'll fix the broken feeling inside me. The one I'm sure is brought on by my illness. The meds that stupid doc prescribed haven't been filled. I can't hide that from Mom and Dad. I don't have the money to pay for them on my own, and I think self-medicating works just fine. Plus, fucking while high off my ass is like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's the definition of an out of body experience. Every part of my body tingling when I find a guy who actually wants to make me come. Like my ex, Jeremy. That boy has a magic tongue... Fuck, now I need to call him. His girlfriend holds out on him, so he has no issues helping get me off because he knows I'll do the same.

"Holy shit," Felicity gasps. "Vicky had schizophrenia? That makes a lot of sense, but how the hell did she never tell Mom?"

Opening to another page, she smirks at the short entry.

That fucking bitch. Autumn nearly got her ass kicked today. I overheard her talking shit about Felicity in the bathroom, and she's just lucky Derek had paid me to shove his cock down my throat in the bathroom stall, otherwise she would have lost all that ugly ass red hair. I've never liked it. Girl needs to see a stylist. Like for real.

I really want to shatter her ideal reality that she calls her life. I want to tell her that Rocco told me she sucks in bed. In fact, he tried to take me to bed, and I turned him down because I tend to like my guys actually experienced. Usually, I like them older. A lot older.

It's one thing for me to bitch about Miss Perfect, but I sure as hell won't allow anyone else to do it. Maybe I should get her back. There's a small, very small, chance that Rocco won't be a bad lay. I can ruin that little relationship because I know he won't turn me down if I offer up my body. I just don't get it. How can anyone look at Rocko and think, "Oh, he's soooo dreamy" without laughing their ass off? He looks like a soft fuck at best, but maybe that's what I'll do. I'll see for myself. Get back at the redheaded bitch. No one gets to mess with Felicity besides me.

A strange sense of longing washes over Felicity, and she sets the diary down. Vicky never seemed protective after she hit middle school, so reading it makes her miss the sister she always wanted.

"Vicky, I know you didn't think you could come to me, but I would have helped you. I would have been there if nothing else."

I was right! Rocco's the lamest fuck I've ever had. He has no right to bitch about Autumn in bed because I barely noticed his dick was inside me. He, of course, thought it was the greatest forty-five seconds of his life. And it probably was. Hopefully he's not done growing yet because that thing isn't worth showing off as proudly as he did. It's so small. Maybe it's not his fault he's a soft fuck. I mean, who expects to get full off of a cocktail wiener when you're used to eating bratwursts?

Felicity bursts out laughing. That woman has been pissing her off for a while now, and she only stayed cordial with her because Lex attacked Autumn. They had something in common, but this... This might put her in her place. Or maybe Rocco, who walks around like his shit doesn't stink. She wonders what he'd think if everyone found out he'd cheated on Autumn with her sister.

Deciding she needs to know more about the night with Ky, she takes a deep breath and finds the diary she tucked away to avoid accidentally reading it again. She needs to know if her sister felt badly after sleeping with Ky. Did she want to tell Felicity? Was she happy to finally have something to one-up her by? Did she plan to reveal it to destroy Felicity?

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