Page 84 of Going Home

"I understand. I should have let you tell Colt."

"Why didn't you want him to know?"

She sniffles and squeezes her hand slightly. "Because I was scared."

Scared?"Of Colt?"

"No, I was scared he would talk you out of everything you've done. Because of Zane. It was selfish. There was also a little fear he'd tell someone, and once the secret got out, there would be no taking it back. I just... I wasn't ready. If only a few people knew, it wasn't totally real. Not until I got to the point where I couldn't walk across the house without getting so tired that I had to stop. It was hard to ignore it at that point."

"It's interesting you think I'm strong enough to defy my brother but not my husband."

Laughing, Lane wipes her face, and Lex finally looks up to see her crying. "It's different when it's the man you love with your whole heart. I should've known better when it came to you."

They sit in silence, the only noise coming from the low volume on the television. Lane doesn't like being alone, and a lot of time outside of wedding plan has been spent just being. They watched so many shows and movies neither really wanted to see, and until she was bed bound, they sat in the living room to do it. Zane brought the television into the bedroom for her because she struggles to get out of bed.

"I need you to promise me something," Lane whispers.

Everything that starts like this doesn't end well for me."Promise you what?"

Picking up the remote, her hand shakes as she turns off the TV, and Lex knows it's serious. "Promise that you'll help push Zane to move on after I'm gone. He'll feel guilty, and I don't want that. He's not someone who does very well on his own, and he needs someone. Someone more than just Margaret."

"It'll be a while before he's ready for anything."

"Don't let him wait too long."

"I'll do what I can, but I'm not someone he's willing to listen to on a good day. The past seven weeks have proven I'm the last person he wants to talk to."

She wipes her eyes and nods, more unshed tears welling her eyes. "I know, but I'm just asking you to try. And I also need you to be there for Margaret."

Hurt. It's the only word that comes to mind at her words. "Lane, I've always been here for Margaret. And I always will. I can't believe you'd question that."

"I don't, but I just need to hear you say it," she whispers. "And please don't let her forget me."

The tears fall, and Lex feels the familiar sting of her own. "She'll never forget you. You're her mom."

"I need to make sure she never forgets how much her mom loves her. I love her more than anything in this world, and I wouldn't trade a single thing for the time we've been together."

Tugging on Lane's hand, Lex forces them to lock eyes. "I promise. Margaret will never wonder if her mother loves her. I'll make sure of it regardless of where Zane and I stand."

Lane smiles and points to the table. "Can you grab those?"

Releasing her hand, she turns to find two stacks of envelopes she hadn't noticed sitting on the bedside table. They're tied with ribbons, and Lane's familiar cursive handwriting adorns them. "You're asking another favor, aren't you?"

"There are only two letters for Zane on the top of that left pile. The first one that I need you to give him will be the day of my funeral. I know it's going to be difficult for him, and I need him to see the words he won't listen to me say. He needs to figure out how to be strong for our daughter, and I worry he's going to let himself become overwhelmed with grief and stop him from being there for her. I hope he can understand that being there for her will help heal him, too."

Her brother is nothing if not stubborn, but Lex doesn't tell Lane she thinks she has too high of expectations of Zane. "And the other?"

"I need you to hold onto it until the day he finds someone to move on with. He'll wrestle with the guilt, and I want him to know it's okay. I want him to move on. Unless it's with a club bunny. Donotlet him get serious with a bunny. I will haunt his ass if he brings one of those trollops into my house and around my daughter. That's the last type of maternal figure Margaret needs."

Chuckling, Lex nods. "I think I can manage that. If nothing else, I'll kick some ass. What are the other letters?"

"They're for Margaret."

"There are a lot of letters here, Lane."

"They're for all of the milestones I won't be around for. Starting with my funeral. She needs to know that even though I'm not physically here, I'm still with her. I'm always there, and that I'm watching over her in spirit."

As her brown eyes become a blur, Lex finds it difficult to keep her own emotions at bay. "I'll take care of it."

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