Page 90 of Going Home

"He'll never forgive me, Colt," Lex whispers. "He has the perfect reason to hate me for the rest of his life."

"He's never needed a reason, baby," he says and pulls her up to sit next to him. "Maybe it won't be that way."

"You know him. He's not a forgiving man unless it suits him. There's no single thing I can think of that would suit him enough to consider forgiving me."

"You did what he couldn't, baby. At some point, he has to see that."

Her eyes glare at him, and he realized it as soon as the words left his mouth just how ridiculous it sounded. "Really?"

"Yeah, it sounded more convincing in my head."

"He's going to act out. I had this stupid hope that maybe it wouldn't be this bad, and that somehow Lane would be able to get through to him. But seeing her acknowledge it in writing tells me everything I need to know."

Rubbing her back, he kisses her forehead. "He needs some time. I can only imagine how I'd feel if I lost you, especially like that."

"I wish I could just smack some sense into him," she says with a humorless chuckle. "The truth is, he's going to let this pain consume him. I know him well enough to see the signs and anticipate his actions."

"That's his cross to bear."

"But at what expense? Margaret needs him more than ever, and he's about to go off the deep end. Lane knows her daughter's losing both of her parents. I don't know... maybe VP can get through to him."

He searches her face. "You think VP can do that?"

"He's the only one who stands a chance. He's been through this, so maybe? I just hope his relationship with my mother doesn't create the barrier I think it will. He's going to isolate himself to the point he hits rock bottom otherwise, and as angry as I am with him, I don't want that for him. And I don't want that for his daughter."

"Your brother has been enabled to act like a douche without ever facing the consequences of it. That's going to change."

Laughing, Lex tilts her head. "Yeah? How do you figure?"

He takes her hand and watches as his fingers interlock with hers. "Your father isn't sitting at the head of the table anymore. He's an Original Ten, but he's not in charge. And the three of us who are, not to mention the rest of the men around the table, love you too much to let his shit slide any longer. He's done getting free passes just because his mom died when he was little. None of us feel guilty enough to let him be a shithead the rest of his life."

"You have to give him a little grace. Please," she says and brings his hand to her lips. "Like you said, you can't imagine how you'd feel if you lost me like that. If you had to sit around and watch me die, you'd have a hard time with it. I know because I don't think I'd survive if I had to watch you in that position."

Pulling her into his lap, he cups her head and holds her close. "I'd be so fucking lost, but I have four children to take care of. To pour my entire reason for living into, and I know you would, too. That's where we're different from your asshat of a brother. We’re not going to lose ourselves at the expense of our kids."

Lex sniffles and buries her head in his chest. "I can't stop thinking about how difficult this had to be for Lane. She broke down and said how scared she was to miss everything. Leaving her husband and daughter behind hurt her more than the cancer. The idea of missing out on watching the kids grow up scares me, too."

Colt finally understands why she agreed to do what she did. It wasn't out of obligation or even hope that her brother would one day pull his head out of his ass. It was for a mother as a mother. And if there's anything he's learned since watching his wife become a mom, it’s that there is nothing stronger in this world than a mama bear. This wasn't something she chose to do because she's a woman of the club or a sister. She did it because she's a mom. It means the conviction ran much deeper than anyone thought.

"You remember how you told me when we were here last that your biggest flaw is self-sacrifice?" he asks.

"Yeah. That was also really good sex on the roof of the clubhouse."

Smiling, he nods. "Fuck yeah, it was. I want you to promise me something."

"No more promises," she groans. "They only bite me in the ass lately."

"I'll bite your ass, but I promise you'll like it," he says and nibbles on her shoulder. "I want you to promise me that after the funeral is over, you will stop sacrificing yourself. Don't put up with Zane's shit no matter how he's feeling. He doesn't get to take this out on you, and he doesn't matter more than you do. Be there for Margaret, but don't let her father skirt by and get away with bad behavior. Stand up for yourself, and I promise you that Zane is going to realize he's not just up against his little sister. He's up against this entire club, and he's going to fucking lose that battle."

Nodding, she sighs, her arms snaking around his body. "I have to take care of myself after today because I'm pouring from an empty cup. The last thing I want is for you or the kids to feel like I'm not doing my job."

"We'd never think that," he says, kissing her temple. "Never."

"Mama, are you okay?" Noah asks and walks into the room with Lucas behind him. "Hailey said you were broken."

She laughs as Hailey walks in holding Calla. "I'm getting there, baby."

"Do you need a hug?"

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