Page 50 of Speak of the Devil

As soon asI shut the door, I let the tears fall that I’d been holding back for the past hour. Telling patients their health hasn’t gotten better is awful. Some retirees come to me with acceptance of their fates. They don’t deny their age or the process of dying. Some even welcome the end so they can join their loved ones again.

They are braver than I am.

I barely know him. I opened an outdated chart as a baseline, scheduled his doctor’s appointments, then met him for the first time and broke the news. It’s not fair to be put in this position. It’s not fair to him to have been ignored for so long. He knew.

He already knew it was coming. For him to comfort me gave me the strength to be there for his family, who will live in the pain of their loss for years to come.

I start the car and buckle in after wiping away my tears with a discarded Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf napkin from this morning. When I check the visor mirror, my eyes are as red and swollen as they feel.

My head is swimming in a day of heavy emotions. I’m drained after the rough day stole my energy away. I feel guilty for even considering not going to yoga class. It will be good to clear my head and relieve some of the pent-up stress I’ve carried around from the intensity of adding this new retirement home to my rotation.

I shouldn’t have agreed to take it. I should have let Ryan take it. But he’s an ass and wouldn’t have delivered the news with any thought to their feelings once he walked out of the room.

I stayed.I stayed for hours after work to support them along with a nurse who works there full time. I don’t regret a minute, but it’s taken a toll.

It’s okay if I miss a yoga class. I need to stop carrying guilt for stupid shit. My ass will be fine if I only miss one class. It’s past eight o’clock, and I don’t think I’d make it on time anyway. A hot bath and white wine are in my future instead.

The traffic isn’t bad this evening, but I still can’t get home quick enough. The remaining tears have dried, and my makeup is nonexistent. I finally pull past the gate into my apartment complex, breathing a sigh of relief to be almost there, and weave through the parking lot to my building in the back.

When I turn into my spot, my headlights stream across a sight that has me doing a double take. Am I imagining things? My heart knows, leaping from the vision of Shane waiting for me. Sitting on the base of the stairs that leads to the apartments above mine, he stands when he sees me—one hand shoved in his pocket, the other giving in a shy wave that pulls at my heartstrings. This man . . .Gah! Can he be any more perfect than he is? Not possible.

I cut the engine and hop out. I don’t collect my stuff. I don’t shut the door. I run right into that man’s arms and cling to him with my entire being—soul, arms, legs, all of me.

“Miss me?” he whispers, kissing my neck as he holds me like he never wants to let go.

Please never let go.

“So much,” I reply, my head snug against his neck as the tears return from joy this time. “You don’t even know.”

He chuckles, the sound just what I needed after this week. “I’m getting an idea and currently losing oxygen.”

Loosening my arms, I lean back to see his eyes. “Oh gosh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’d happily go to heaven if this is how I died.” A tear slips down from his sweet words before I can stop it. His brows pinch together in the center as he reaches up to caress my face, the pad of his thumb wiping the tear away. “Why are you crying, babe?”

“I just . . .” Closing my eyes, I rest my head on his shoulder, wanting to disappear into his warmth for a while. “I’m just happy to see you.”

Kissing my cheek, he says, “It’s so good to see you.” When he sets me down, he kisses the side of my head. “That was a better welcome than I expected.”

I grin. “And what exactly were you expecting?”

“I don’t know.” His voice matches that shy wave he gave earlier. Despite the fame, the money, and adulation from around the world, I’m the one who makes him nervous. How is that possible? “I don’t know where things stand with us.”

I didn’t realize confessions from his heart would be the balm that soothed my aching heart until he shared his fears with me. Now, I look up at him in a whole new light. He’s in as deep as I am.

My heart squeezes, knowing he’s wearing his heart on his sleeve for me. “We should talk about it before you leave.” I hate that he must leave, already knowing it’s going to be sooner thanI’d like. Not that I ever like him leaving, but it would be nice to have more than a night together.

His hand slides against mine, our fingers folding together. “It’s not a conversation I’ve ever had before.”

“New doesn’t mean bad. There’s no pressure from me, though.” I hug him again, resting my head on him and listening to his strong heartbeat in his chest. “I’m just happy to have you here.”

A kiss to the head leads to him rubbing my back like we have all the time in the world or even more than a night. I don’t get my hopes up. Stepping back, I ask, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I could have prepared.”

“You don’t need to prepare for me. I only came here for you.” With two fingers under my chin, he lifts to stare into my eyes, which evokes a smile so genuine I could die a happy woman. “I seized an opportunity of a pocket of time and caught a flight. God, you’re fucking beautiful.”

Remembering the swollen lids, the red rim of my eyes, and the makeup that washed away with my tears, I lower my head and lean against him. “You’re just saying that.”

“I’m saying that because it’s true. I don’t need to lie to you.” His sweet words and his being here have my emotions overwhelming me. Tears fall again, my body rattling against him. The release feels good. His being here is even better. Whispering in my ear, he says, “I don’t want you to cry.”

---