Page 70 of Speak of the Devil

Nikki and Tulsa went through something similar. I probably won’t be unique when I have a family one day. “I know it’s not easy to trust others when fame and money are involved, but I mean it. If you need a night out or a nap, let me know, and I’ll be here.”

She pulls their food out and lifts the lid. “You really mean that, don’t you?” Sitting on a stool between them, she glances at me before feeding them.

“Of course.”

“Can I ask you something personal?”

Poppy has a way of digging deep with me but making me feel . . . Safe? I can talk to her and know I won’t get shit for it. “Sure.”

“What happened to the girl we talked about when we were in Austin?” She’s let that conversation slide for almost a year, though I’m sure she’s been curious. Or maybe my becoming an utter asshole on the road once we got back gave her all the information she needed to know.

Do I tell her the story?Too much to share when I’m about to walk out the door. “My life blew up after that.”

She stops with a spoonful of mush in front of Mack’s mouth and looks at me. “It blew up, or you detonated the bomb?” When I don’t answer right away, she feeds the babies, and says, “Ah. I see.”

Pushing off the counter, I need to get going, but I don’t rush. Not yet. I have the strongest urge to confide in her. Taking a breath, I stop myself, but having someone to talk to about the situation with Cat would be nice. A woman’s perspective would be even better. I could speak to Nikki, but she has no patience for antics when it comes to relationships. How she ended up with Tulsa is still a mystery.

Guess they balance each other out.

Poppy says, “You’ve always supported our family. You were at the hospital when I thought things were going wrong with my pregnancy. You showed up without Laird even asking.” Holding her hand to her chest, she takes a staggered breath. “That will always mean so much to me, Shane.”

“I’m glad everything turned out okay.”

“Me too. As for you, please let us be there for you when you need someone to talk to, or to listen. Though with me, you know I tend to give my opinion without being asked.”

“I trust your opinion.” I tap the counter, the urge growing stronger. “If you wanted . . .”What do I want to say here?“Fictitiously speaking, would you—” Fuck. Just say it, Faris. “That girl, the woman we talked about in Vegas . . .I want her back.” I stare, waiting for her to react in any way. Good or bad.

She doesn’t. She feeds each kid another bite, seeming to think about my problem. “How bad was the ending?”

“Not my greatest moment.”

Her mouth dips down in the corner. “I see. Detonation.”

“Yeah.” I can’t explain it away, so I don’t try.

“Well,” she starts, swiveling on the stool to face me. “You’re not the same person you were last August. And she played a part in that, even if she’s not aware of it. Apologies from the heart matter. Making different decisions now is important. And don’t hold back. If you love her, tell her. If you want to spend the rest of your life with her, make sure she feels it in her bones. Make sure she knows you will do anything to win her heart back. It will start with forgiveness. If she’ll give you the opportunity to explain, she’s open to that apology.”

I knew all this but struggled to put it into words like she has. She sounds like she’s been there and came out the other side, so maybe there’s hope for me yet. Tapping the counter, I say, “Thank you.” Nodding, I know what I need to do. It’s not about stealing Cat’s time for me to beg her for forgiveness. I need to prove to her I deserve it. “You’ve given me lots to think about.”

“What are we talking about?” Laird comes in yawning as he crosses through the living room. He goes to Poppy first, cupping her face and kissing her. Then he turns to the babies, planting one on each of their heads. When neither of us speaks, he shrugs. “What?”

Maybe it’s the second chance that I’ve been given . . . or that I forced upon my marriage. Or perhaps it’s seeing my cousin and his wife have this life that I wouldn’t mind having if I could get my fucking life in order.

I never wanted this life. I never wanted anything until I had it and lost it. Now I can see a whole life ahead of me. Wife. Babies. Rich in love instead of only money.

I don’t want a divorce.

I want to save my marriage.

23

Shane

Everything is ready,except me.

I’m dressed. The car has gas. The trunk is loaded. It doesn’t hold much, but I packed it full of food in coolers along with another for drinks. I bought flowers even though the last time I brought her flowers didn’t turn out so well for me.

I can go over every detail for the fifth time, but it’s not what I packed or planned that’s on my mind. It’s that she’s not even here.

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