Page 49 of Exposed Ink

“While they’re dead.”

“And nothing you do will bring them back,” she says. “But for the first time since their deaths, it feels like you didn’t die with them.”

“I … think I need to call Julia.”

Mom nods. “Okay, if you need anything, I’m here.”

“Thank you.” I reach over and hug her. “I love you.”

Once she’s gone, I text Julia and ask for an emergency session. Since we were due to speak tomorrow anyway, she moves it to today.

* * *

“Kinsley,”she says when I walk into her office a few hours later. “How are you?” She has her legs crossed with her most recent knitting project in her lap.

“Not good,” I admit, having a seat. “I forgot that this week was the anniversary of Brandon’s and Brenna’s deaths.”

She nods. “And why do you think that is?”

“Because I was distracted by Shane and his daughter.”

“Distracted how?” she asks, not letting me get away with my vague answer.

“I spent the weekend with them.”

Julia raises a brow and sets her knitting project down. “Well, now, we’re getting somewhere.”

“Shane asked me to let him in,” I admit, remembering the way he looked into my eyes and asked me to kiss him.

“And what did you say?”

“I said yes?”

She quirks a brow. “Was that a question?”

I laugh. “Well, I tried to push him away by telling him that I’m leading him on because I don’t want any more kids or to get married, and eventually, he’ll want those things, but instead of him running, he said he just wants to take it one day at a time. No promises or labels.”

Julia nods. “Getting back to the babies and marriage. Is that a sure thing?”

I take a moment to think about her question, trying to imagine moving forward and getting married again, making promises for forever … growing another baby, one who isn’t Brandon’s, but instead Shane’s.

“A month ago, I would’ve said there was no way in hell that would happen, but now … I’m not so sure. Shane just makes it so damn easy to be myself around him. He doesn’t judge the way I’m grieving. He simply wants to spend time with me, and when I’m with him, I feel less sad. I feel like the old me, before the accident.”

“Did you just hear what you said?”

I shake my head, unsure of what she’s referring to.

“You saidbefore the accident. You’ve never done that before. You always make a point to say you caused it, but you just admitted it was an accident.”

She’s right. I’ve always avoided that word because using it would mean taking the blame off me and I didn’t want to be let off the hook.

“Shane and I spoke about it the other day. He asked me if he got into a car accident with his daughter, would that mean he was a horrible dad, and it made me realize that even though I hold myself responsible, I hadn’t done it on purpose. I loved my husband and baby, and if I had known that by us getting into the car that night, they would lose their lives, I never would’ve done so.

“I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs. I wasn’t on my phone or distracted. I was going the speed limit. But still, we crashed, and they died. I didn’t kill them,” I breathe out. “It was a horrible accident, and hanging out with Shane has reminded me how short life is. I’ve spent the past three years acting like I died with them, and I don’t want to do that anymore.”

I release a sigh of relief, feeling both nervous and exhilarated after admitting that.

“And what do you want?” Julia asks.

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