Page 106 of Dirty Little Mistake

"Trystan." My voice caught on his name. "I love you, but I can't..." I pressed my palm against the cool closet wall, steadying myself. "Every time I take one of those tests, I spend the three minutes building nurseries in my head. Picking names. Imagining your smile when you feel that first kick." I swallowed hard. "And then it's negative, and I have to dismantle all those dreams piece by piece. I'm just not sure I can handle that kind of disappointment and then go out with a smile on my face."

I stepped forward, placing my palms flat on his chest. "Can we just go down and enjoy our time with family? We can talk about this again when they leave." There was still a small part of me that was hopeful that this time, this late period, would be the time the test was positive and right now, I could pretend that there was a chance I was pregnant, but the minute I took the test it was gone, and I wasn't ready for that again.

"Yeah." His forced smile didn't reach his eyes, and his fingers drummed against his thigh. "If that's what you want."

"'I'll take the test after they leave.” I pressed a kiss to his chest, right over his heartbeat. The test would be negative—it always was—but for now, in this moment, we could both pretend there was still a chance. Sometimes, pretending was all we had left. His arms tightened around me, and we both stood silently for a long moment.

Seeing Kaia and Jax felt like old times, well, with a little twist. It had always been a rare occasion that Trystan hung out with us.

The day had faded into night, and I wasn't ready for it to end yet.

It was the first time since we'd moved into our house that we used the luxurious back patio.

"So, where are the kids?" I asked Kaia while Trystan and Jax stood at the patio edge that overlooked the city miles away.

"They are back home with Syn and Ryat."

I laughed. "Who would have thought Syn would be the best babysitter ever."

"A few years ago, I wouldn't have left my pet hamster with her," she laughed. " But she's so good with the girls, and they love her."

"I'm surprised she didn't want to come see Trystan."

"And you?" She smiled. "She did, but she had a big tattoo job tomorrow morning, and Ryat had a hockey thing."

"So, is it serious between them?"

She pursed her lips as she slowly nodded. "They've had their ups and downs. Syn is a West," she paused as her gaze shifted to the two West brothers, "and they all have commitment issues."

My gaze flashed to Trystan as he and Jax slowly strolled back to us, remembering everything we'd gone through to get where we are today. We'd both fought so hard for this, for us, only for it to end up feeling like I was a failure because I wasn't adapting to this lifestyle fast enough and because I couldn't get pregnant.

"Trystan and I are going to run to the store to grab more beer."

I laughed but immediately stopped when they gave me a funny look. "Trystan can't even leave the house without cameras in his face. There's no way he's going to the store with you."

Jax smiled. "The windows to my truck are super dark, plus it’s dark outside, and he can wait in the truck."

"I'll be fine, babe," Trystan reassured me as he leaned down, pressing a quick kiss on my lips. "It will give you and Kaia a chance to gossip about us while we are gone."

"Be careful," I said. "Both of you."

Jaxtyn was exactly low profile, either. His hockey career had led to tons of other contracts such as movies, modeling, commercial. If anyone really understood what we were dealing with, it was Kaia and Jax.

"I'm really glad you're here," I said. Even though Kaia and I talked on the phone almost every day, it just wasn't the same as sitting face-to-face with my best friend.

"So, how are things?"

Sucking in a deep breath, I sighed heavily. " I need a drink. You want a glass of wine or…"

"Uh," she paused, a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips. " No, I'm not really drinking right now."

My chest tightened. "Kai?" I tilted my head.

"We weren't going to say anything yet, but we're pregnant again."

My mouth opened but nothing came out as my heart pounded wildly. I was so excited for my best friend and her growing family, but all the sad feelings I'd had to suppress over the last year came to a boiling point, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. Maybe it was the wrong time or selfish, but in that moment, I couldn't help it.

"Congra—" The word shattered in my throat, splintering into a sob that I'd been holding back for months. My hands trembled as I pressed them against my mouth, trying to contain the sound.

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