Page 84 of Close Pursuit

Usually, he didn’t care what people thought of him, but it was actually painful to talk about this with her. God knew, he’d had to talk about it with enough court-appointed counselors.

He replied reluctantly, “I drank and drove. And yes, I know how dumb that was. The judge didn’t want to put me in jail, but my lawyer asked him to.”

“Did your lawyer hate you? You should’ve demanded different representation.”

So quick to fly to his defense, she was. “I told my lawyer to do it.”

“Why?”

After the past few days, she might actually get his logic, unlike most people. “To hide from my father and his goons. They couldn’t get to me in jail.”

“Oh my God. That’s awful.”

She thought he was awful? Panic jumped in his gut until she added, “I can’t believe any father would drive his son to prefer jail rather than deal with him. You poor thing!”

How in thehellhad she turned going to jail into a positive thing in her mind? “I’m no innocent victim, Katie. I’ve done a lot of bad things. Some of them were flatly illegal.”

“Have you ever intentionally harmed another person or taken something from someone that they personally valued?” she demanded.

“I stole those two cars in Osh.”

“Those don’t count. You did it to save lives, and without malicious intent.”

“I keep telling you. I’m no saint.”

“There’s a world of difference between an angry, lonely kid venting and a hardened criminal hurting people and wrecking lives.”

He shook his head, even though he did mentally concede the point. “What I don’t understand, Katie, is why you’re trying so hard to convincemeof how noble and wonderful a person I am? Why do you care what I think of myself? Or are you trying to convince yourself?”

“In the first place, I think it’s healthy for people to have a positive self-image. In the second place, I’d like you to see yourself as lovable so you’ll stop fighting the idea of someone else loving you so damned hard.”

Loving him? Was she trying to tell him she loved him?

He bolted from his seat and paced the spacious room, agitated. Finally he stopped. Enunciated clearly. “Katie. I do not want love.”

She stared right back at him and said just as clearly and slowly, “Yes, you do.”

He threw up his hands. “No. I don’t!”

“There’s not a human being alive who doesn’t want to be loved. Period. It’s how we’re wired.”

“And yet, here I stand,” he snapped, “doing just fine without it.”

Her face fell. Her cheerful countenance slipped away, and her eyes went wide and hurt. “It’s me, isn’t it?” she mumbled. “You just don’t want me to love you.”

He huffed, exasperated. “It’s not you. I have nothing against you. In fact, I find you attractive and pleasant to be around…when you’re not getting ready to cry onto my shirt.”

She whirled away from him dashing at her cheeks. Dammit.

He stepped up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “I’m sorry Katie. I told you I can be a jackass.”

She sniffed. “You’re only a jackass when you’re trying to push me away. And that’s not your fault. No one ever taught you how to love.”

Nowhewas a shiny happy person? He exhaled hard. “I would have to know what you’re talking about to be able to respond intelligently to that observation.”

Katie laughed reluctantly. Not that he understood why she thought it was funny. But it was better than tears. A knock on the door made them both start, and he gestured her urgently out of the line of fire. Only after she was standing in the doorway to the bathroom did he open the door an inch. Waiter. Table. He threw the door open and let in their dinner.

He tipped the guy and Katie shooed the waiter out when the fellow tarted to lay out their meal. The door closed and Alex turned to face her and the table. “What’s all this?”

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