Page 41 of Rockstar Baby Daddy

“Suzie.” He let out a tired sigh and his shoulders slumped forward. “Please.”

I shook my head. “Don’t use that tone on me, as if you give a damn. As if you’re some heartbroken ex-lover. We both know the truth, even if one of us is too weak to admit it.”

“I’m sorry, Suzie.”

“You’re not, and it’s fine. I don’t expect you to be sorry or anything else. It was an affair, Gavin. Nothing more. And to me, it doesn’t matter if you are the biological father because I’m not asking you for anything. Not money, for you to change your lifestyle. Nothing.”

I let my eyes linger on him for a long moment, to drink him in one final time.

“Your life is on the road, touring and bringing people joy with your voice and your words, your music. You love that life, and I would never do anything to take that away from you. But a baby needs stability, and that’s exactly what I plan to give my baby.”

He looked around the living room as if he expected to see something out of the ordinary before raking a hand through his hair. “So, you get to just decide for both of us?”

“Yes, I do. It’s my body carrying this baby, and ultimately it will be me taking care of him or her. I get to decide this, the same way you decided to end our friendship by leaving and never calling.” My mouth opened again but instead of words, a jaw-cracking yawn escaped.

“I don’t really care how you found out, but I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to have to choose. We both know what you’d choose. I’m having this baby, Gavin, and I plan to raise it on my own, so there’s no need for your life to change.” Another yawn escaped.

“So, let’s not do this.” I motioned between us. “There’s no need for drama. I’m not the first woman to get pregnant from a one-night stand.”

It had taken me a long time to come to grips with the fact that that was what we were. That wasallwe were.

Gavin’s expression darkened and his jaw clenched. “It was never a one-night stand.” He shook his head. “Not ever, Suzie.”

“Sure, it was,” I insisted. “It just lasted a little longer than one night, but that’s what it was Gavin. I understand that now, and I don’t blame you.”

Another yawn came, and I laid my head on the arm of the sofa, closed my eyes, and finally let sleep claim me.

Gavin

Idon’t know how long I sat on Suzie’s sofa, watching her sleep. She looked peaceful, despite the dark purple crescents under her eyes. She slept soundly, as if she’d spent the day climbing mountains or building houses, curled up on her side the way I had slept after my last nine-month world tour ended. Peaceful. Asleep, she wasn’t angry or bitter, or hurt.

I went in search of a blanket to toss over her, to keep her warm while she slept. The pregnancy must be taking a lot out of her if she could fall asleep mid-argument and before nine in the evening. Climbing the stairs toward her bedroom, I sighed and thought of the last time I was here. Naked and drunk off the sound of her laughter, we’d made love all over the place. The stairs. The shower. The sofa. The kitchen. The shower again.

Now, the nightstand was piled high with books on pregnancy and single parenthood. A sleeve of salty crackers sat beside a pile of books, twisted into a knot at one end with a half-empty bottle of ginger ale beside it. On the other nightstand sat a list written in Suzie’s bold, slightly slanted handwriting.

Turn office into nursery

Turn exercise space into a guestroom

Estimate from Teddy

Check maternity leave in OR

Daycare expenses

The list went on and on, a page and a half of things she needed to get done before the baby arrived. Not one damn item on the list mentioned contacting me and letting me know I was going to be a father. Or child support. Or “tell Gavin the due date.” Nothing.

It was as if I didn’t exist.

I was angry, but I understood, and I hated myself for making Suzie feel this way. She didn’t deserve it, but dammit, I didn’t deserve this, either. Sure, I had messed up—badly—but did that mean I didn’t have the right to know I had a child in this world?

I wanted to be there for Suzie, in any way she needed me to be, but that couldn’t happen until I could get her to forgive me. It hadn’t occurred to me that she would take my leaving quite so personally, that my absence would have affected her so deeply. I would make it up to her, this week while I was in town, and all the coming weeks. No matter where I was in the world, I would take care of her and our baby.

I would do what was necessary to prove to Suzie I was the man she had seen when she’d first looked at me.

I carefully laid the quilted blanket on top of her and had to resist the urge to press a kiss to her forehead. I made my way to the kitchen to call the wisest man I knew.

“Granddaddy, it’s Gavin.”

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