Page 70 of The Upgrade

“I’m working on it.”Dammit, Camille. “I think I might try a boat excursion. There’s this option to do a private catamaran trip with a snorkeling lesson and?—”

“I’m waiting for you to get to the sex part.”

Sighing, I head for my closet. As I rifle through sexy bikinis, I try to decide what’s best for a snorkeling tour. Or for having some stranger peel it off me before ravaging me on the deck of a boat.

“I read the description for the boat tour last night.” More like this morning, between meetings with Nina. “I can arrange to have shirtless men bringing drinks and snacks and going down on me whenever I snap my fingers.”

“That sounds promising.”

“There’s even a kink menu to go along with it. Pirate play, lots of exhibitionist and voyeuristic stuff.”

“Do you have a consort in mind for the boat tour?”

I nibble the edge of my lip. “I might see if Massage Guy can join me.”

The second I say it, I know she’ll object. Maybe that’s why I put those words out there.

Do I already know on some level that I’m starting to feel things for Kit?

Camille clears her throat. “Massage Guy is the same as Threesome Guy?”

“Yes.” I feel like I’m confessing something. “Also Balcony Bang guy.”

She takes a beat to digest that. “Do you want my advice as your friend or as a therapist?”

“Is it the same advice either way?”

“Probably.”

“Let’s hear it.”

She sighs. “Be careful about becoming too attached to this—this—what is Massage Guy’s name?”

I hesitate. “Topher.”

“This Topher.” She pauses. “Sometimes after a breakup, there’s a natural inclination to get attached to a new partner quickly. Transference, it’s called.”

“Huh.” That doesn’t sound great.

“People use the new connection as a sort of Band-Aid to avoid processing the pain of the split.”

“And that’s bad?”

“I don’t like to use judgment words, but yeah…it’s not the healthiest way of processing a breakup.” There’s a pause as she chooses her next words with care. “What happens when you move too quickly into a new intimate relationship is that you bring all your unresolved issues with you and project them onto the new partner. The person gets compared to the ex, there’s a period of disrupted self-reflection, not to mention a whole mess of intimacy issues, yadda yadda yadda. I won’t bore you with the clinical speak, but it’s a form of self-sabotage. The result can be even more painful than the original breakup.”

I let out a long, slow breath. “Yikes.”

“Sorry.” Camille sighs. “I don’t mean to rain on your sex parade. I love you and I want to make sure you’re getting the most from this experience.”

“Thank you.” Grabbing a bright-orange bikini, I set it aside with a floaty white cover-up. “I mean it, Camille. You’re right.”

“I don’t need to be right. I just need you to have fun and be happy. To take care of Eve when I’m not there to do it.”

“I am.” I laugh when I remember Kit’s words. “Massage Guy zeroed in right away on my habit of putting other people’s needs first. He noticed I offered to trade my entrée for someone else’s and called me out for prioritizing another person’s—” Crap. That happened at Kit’s book event last week.

Did I already tell Camille this story?

“Anyway,” I continue, heart racing as I try to sound breezy and light. “He kept redirecting the threesome to put me at the center. My pleasure, rather than letting it be some porn scene where both women focus on pleasing the man.”

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