Page 80 of The Upgrade

It’s not that I’m jealous. I don’t love her anymore, not even a little.

We weren’t right for each other. I’m one hundred percent sure that’s true. It’s a goddamn gift that it didn’t work out.

And yet…

Why did she say yes to him when she swore up and down that she couldn’t say yes to me?

“It’s the principle of the thing.”She sounded so pragmatic when she turned down my proposal.“I believe marriage is a patriarchal institution meant to suppress women and perpetuate the misguided belief that monogamous pairings are a natural thing. Don’t you agree?”

I didn’t.

I did see her point, and I fumbled to find middle ground.

But there’s really no compromising when one person sees forever and the other sees…well, a trap.

“Kit?” My sister’s voice shakes me back to our call. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” That’s the best I can do at the moment. “I’m happy for her.”

“Are you?”

I check in with myself, searching for joy. Mostly, I’m numb. “I’m going to be.”

“Okay.” My sister sounds edgy. “There’s something else. Something I didn’t tell Eve or Sara.”

“Eve?” I choke on the mouthful of beer I just gulped. Coughing, I manage to squeeze out the question. “Eve knows?”

“About Miranda getting married? Yeah, I gossip with my girlfriends. I hope that’s okay.” She pauses. “Sorry, Kit. I forget sometimes that you hooked up with Eve. I’m used to assuming my friends don’t know you, and I figured you probably won’t see each other again.”

“It’s fine.” My voice sounds raspy from breathing in beer. “What is the other news?”

“Okay, um. Miranda didn’t actually tell me this. I guess that means it’s notofficiallyconfirmed, so?—”

“Camille.”

“Right.” She draws a deep breath. “Miranda’s pregnant.”

Pregnant.

This blow lands harder. More like a knife than a punch to the gut. It’s a sharp, piercing pain like the harsh words she spoke long ago. This was maybe ten months before my failed proposal.

“I don’t ever want kids.” She stacked her books in a box, cool and composed as she packed for her new job in Liverpool. “You’ve known that from the start.”

“We discussed it when we were teenagers.” I felt like a fool for thinking things might have changed. “I was hoping we could open the discussion again.”

“Never means never.” She looked at me sadly, shaking her head. “What part of never doesn’t make sense?”

This part.

The part where I learn my ex-girlfriend is getting married and having a baby. Two things she vehemently swore she’d never do, and she’s doing them with someone else.

Clearing my throat, I come back to my call with Camille. “You’re sure? I can’t picture Miranda blurting out something like that.”

“Yes.” She lets out a long breath. “She ran to the restroom while I waited for my Uber. Her mom and I made awkward small talk, and it just slipped out.”

“How the fuck does a pregnancy announcement slip out?”

“You know how her mom is. She said, ‘I peed every ten minutes when I was pregnant with her.’ Something like that.”

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