Page 81 of The Upgrade

“Jesus.” That tracks. Miranda’s mother has a big mouth.

“She tried to backpedal,” Camille continues. “But she ended up begging me not to say anything.”

“Which you ignored, obviously.”

“Only with my friends,” she says. “Not with you.”

“I appreciate it.” I don’t, though. I mean, I’m glad Camille told me. Better to find out from her than seeing the news somewhere else.

But that doesn’t make it easier to know.

All this time I’ve been able to believe Miranda and I wanted different things. That we simply had different visions for the future. I wanted someone to grow old with, laugh with, and love forever. Miranda didn’t.

Except it turns out shedidwant those things. I just wasn’t the guy she saw as equipped to provide it.

“I guess she changed her mind,” my sister says feebly.

“Yep.”

My heart starts to pound as my fist grips the beer bottle tighter. All along, I was the problem. The albatross around Miranda’s neck. The burden tying her down to a stifling life.

“Kit? Say something.” My sister sounds worried. “What are you feeling?”

“Frustrated.” She’s a shrink so she’ll know if I fake like I’m fine. “Confused. Annoyed.”

I avoid sayingangryorhurt. That sounds like I still love Miranda, but that’s not it at all.

For the last several days, I’ve started to picture a future with Eve. That seems unbearably selfish now.

Eve puts everyone else first. She’s hardwired to throw her own needs on the fire to keep everyone else warm.

If we got together, I’d just steal her heat. I’d suck all the fun and the joy from her life, just like I did with Miranda. I’d tie us both down and sink us like a goddamn anchor.

Camille’s still stuck on the feelings I’ve voiced. “Frustration and confusion are normal, healthy emotions when faced with?—”

“I have to go.”

“Kit, wait.”

But I’m already ending the call. I set down the phone, then pick up my Crystal Bliss pager. I stare at the name on the screen. At Eve’s enticement to join her for dinner. Presumably more.

I loved the idea ten minutes ago. A chance to connect and hear how her day went. To hold hands and laugh over dinner. To share rich desserts and spicy details from ourenchantmentstoday. To tumble into bed for sex that’s rooted in deeper connection.

But if I say yes right now, I’ll keep saying yes. So will Eve, that’s her nature. She’s kind and obliging and so very wired to seeknormal.To seeksettled.

I can’t let her do that. Can’t let her settle forme.

Hesitating with my finger poised on my screen, I stare at the option to accept or reject the enchantment. A stark, red icon glows beside a bright green one.

No.

Yes.

What’s the right choice?

My stomach churns gritty and sour. My palms start to sweat and my heartbeat thumps dully in my ears.

Swallowing hard, I tap the one word I feel in this moment.

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