Page 84 of The Upgrade

A fucking distraction? Is she offering to blow me?

Even the thought makes me feel like the worst kind of asshole.

“You’ve been so kind to do that for me,” she continues, like I’m not mentally beating my head on the side of the building. “What if we kayaked tomorrow?”

“Kayak.” It sounds like a foreign word.

“Yes, kayak.” Her green eyes search mine as she desperately tries to connect. “I saw an enchantment in the app where you paddle to one of the smaller islands. They’ll pack you a picnic and?—”

“And you fuck on the beach?” When she flinches again, I know I’ve taken it too far.

But that’s why I have to keep going. If I don’t end this now, she’ll spin herself senseless making sure I’m okay. She’ll forget that this journey is meant to be hers.

“Look, Eve. I’ve had a lot of fun with you.”

Her expression changes, those sea glass eyes growing dim. “Why does this sound like you’re breaking up with me?”

“We’re not together. You and me, I mean.”

“I know what you meant.” Her chin tilts up. “I know you’re not myboyfriendKit.” She spits out the word like it tastes bad. “But I thought we connected. I’ve liked feeling safe and empowered through this sexual self-discovery. You’ve given me that, Kit. I—” Her throat rolls as she swallows. “I thought you enjoyed it, too.”

“I did.” But that’s all the more reason we can’t get attached. “It’s a temporary arrangement, Eve. A job I came here to do.”

There’s a clench in her jaw like she’s doing her best not to cry. “So you didn’t feel it? Any connection at all?”

I can’t answer that. Not if I’m trying to end this. “This isn’t about me. You’re here to get over your ex. I’m here for a job.”

Tears fill her eyes but she’s blinking them back. Trying her best not to make me feel bad with her sorrow. “I’d hoped we could try being more. That we could see where this goes once we leave here.”

I’d hoped the same thing. That’s exactly why I need to cut her loose. “We got too close, Eve. It’s not healthy. We’re not moving on if you’re just recreating another relationship.”

“I’m not—” Her voice gets smaller and so does she. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

She darts a glance toward the restaurant where Logan waits at her table. She’s worried she’s hurting his feelings. That he’s back at their table, thinking he said something wrong.

I know that’s not true, but Eve’s empathetic. She can’t be selfish. It’s not in her nature. I know this like I know the contours of her body. The soft sounds she makes right before she unravels.

So I keep going.

“Go sleep with Logan, Eve. Have sex with every consort here and learn what you need to about your own sexual needs.”

“I already have.” She says it so softly I almost don’t hear.

“Slept with Logan.” I figured as much. “Good. That’s?—”

“I meant that I’ve figured out what I need.” She’s sounding impatient now.

Another strong sign she’ll do better without me. Here she is in fucking paradise, and she’s stuck squabbling with me.

Time to make sure we can’t go back.

I slip out my pager and toggle to the consort dashboard. “I’m adjusting my settings, so you won’t be able to request me again.”

“What?”

“Trust me, it’s better this way.” I tap a few keys, and there. It’s done. “You’ll get to explore, and I’ll be free to?—”

“Keep convincing yourself there’s something wrong with you because your ex didn’t want you?” Eve’s jaw clenches. “Is that what’s happening now?”

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