Page 89 of The Upgrade

“Yes.”

Another long pause. “Are you having fun?”

Is this really my mother?

“Yes.” I glance down at the beach where a couple walks hand in hand under a pale wash of light from the moon. Tropical air warms me like a caress, and the passionfruit seltzer tastes sweet on my tongue. “Iamhaving fun.”

“Good. That’s—all I ever wanted for you.”

“A sex resort?”

“For you to be happy. To honor your needs and desires.” She sighs. “And Eve?”

“Yes?”

“One more thing.” Her voice wobbles. “My daughter is normal and healthy and smart for exploring her sexual self.” Tears clog her throat as she recites the rest of my words. “She’s beautiful and perfect just as she is.”

“Oh, Mom.” I’m crying again, full-throated tears rolling down my face. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Eve.” There’s a soft little sob, then she says the four words I’ve waited my whole life to hear from her. “I’m proud of you.”

* * *

After the callwith my mom, I pull up the Crystal Bliss app. My mother was right. It’s important to honor my needs and desires.

Double penetration probably wasn’t what she meant.

But it’s been on my bucket list a long time and I’m here to fulfill all my fantasies.

Even if Kit can’t be part of it.

The thought puts an ache in my chest, but I look through the menu anyway. It takes me a moment to find Sexy Seesaw in the dropdown menu for threesomes.

I was searching for Double Dip.

But I tick the box anyway and it brings up a list of my options.

UnderConsort Preference, I look for Kit’s name. He said it wouldn’t be there, so I’m not surprised to see it grayed out. Lots of other names show unavailable, too, which doesn’t surprise me. The DVP thing isn’t every consort’s cup of tea.

But it feels personal, seeingTophergrayed out like it is.

I scroll up the menu to find Logan. Might as well pick someone I know. He’s a nice guy, and sexy. I trust he’ll make sure it’s a fun experience for me.

When the menu prompts me to choose my second consort, I scroll through the list one more time. No one jumps out at me, so I tick the box to let Logan choose.

There. That’s done. It’s set for my last night here.

As I plug in my phone and get ready for bed, I’m half listening for Kit’s knock at the door. For a text or a call saying he’s sorry for cutting me off. Even if we can’t keep sleeping together, I’d hoped he’d remain in my life. After years of not knowing him, it sucks to think I can’t know him now.

But I crawl into bed and my phone remains silent. It’s just me and the calm shush of the waves out my window. The beat of my heart, steady and strong, fills this quiet space in my day. Even if Kit’s not my future, I’ll make it through this. I’ll leave Crystal Bliss with the knowledge of how to prioritize pleasure. Not somebody else’s, butmine. I can stop striving for normal and strive to be happy instead.

Kit taught me that.

So did the whole Jilted Brides Honeymoon Club. If nothing else, I’ll leave here with that.

Rolling over in bed, I cuddle a cushy down pillow. Tears sting my eyes, and I let one of them fall. Then another.

I’m okay with crying. With whatever my body decides it wants in this moment.

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