Page 79 of Peaches

His eyes flash with slight anger at my bite, but he hides it well as he shoves his hands in his pockets and leans against the staircase.

“At the risk of sounding like every parent everywhere, I’m going to state the obvious, Grace. I’m not the damn enemy here. Hell, I’m just as pissed as you. I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around what the hell just happened, and if you don’t want to explain, then don’t. But if you do need to vent, I’m here. That’s all I was trying to say.”

Fuck.I know he’s right. But ventingisexplaining. Or rather unleashing a whirlpool of crap that will suck me down with it until he is more confused than he is now, and I look like nothing more than the weak, frail, coward, I feel like I am when it comes to standing up to my father.

Talking back to him being the exception, that is. I am obviously very capable of that. Case in point, the damage I am doing by talking back to the man I’ve fallen for in front of me right now. A man that is just trying to help as I stupidly, and rather arrogantly, wedge my bitterness between us.

A defense mechanism I embraced over the years when reality hurt too much and there was no one there to help take away the pain. The weakness, the coward in me, it comes from the place inside that stings even long after my father’s gone. The place that believes what he says even after he’s sobered up and forgotten it all. The same place I used to hate to wallow in for years with Tommy. A hell on earth that sucks life out of you quicker than anyone could ever believe.

Verbal abuse can be more lethal than physical. Those scars are hidden, and they threaten to never heal. When you’re attacked physically, people see the marks. They know you need time to mend. Mentally, that’s a whole other ballgame.

And I’ve gone more than nine innings with my father and Tommy over the years, leaving me battered and bruised, and most of the time in no condition to get close to someone else for fear they’d treat me the same. My sharp bite and smart ass comments are a dead giveaway that there’s more hiding just under my surface.

“I think I likedusbetter when thisarrangementwas morecarefree,” I find myself whispering, unable to meet his eye as I gesture between the two of us.

He flinches, and I can’t help but look up. Something in what I just said flashes a sort of panic through his eyes and I don’t know why.

“Damn it, Grace,” Brett harshly whispers back in that voice that about dropped me to my knees the first day we met. Smokey. Gravelly. All man and washing over me like a drug. “It’s taken me a long time to realize, but life isn’tcarefree! There is always going to be trouble. Always going to be shit you’re going to have to work through. But finding someone to walk with you, even when you’re struggling, is what makes it worth it. Is what makes lifesweet, Peaches.”

I stare up at him, the night’s shadows playing dangerously well with his features, and find it suddenly hard to breathe.

“I don’t know if I can,” I confess, as my throat tightens, and I swallow over a lump that’s quickly lodged itself there. I know an hour ago I thought I could, but confronting your fears is scarier than you’d think, and I’m quickly back stepping knowing I’ll regret it if I blow my chance, but I’m still, for some reason, not able to move forward here, not yet.

“Neither do I,” he slightly laughs. “That’s what makes what we’re doing here scary as shit.”

I laugh with him and avert my eyes to the floor. He’s got that right. I’m fucking terrified!

“But it makes me feel,” he whispers, as he takes a step closer and I keep my eyes trained to the floor, my breath shallow and rapid as he continues to inch my way. “More alive,” his hands frame my face, but I keep my gaze downcast between us. “More free, more fucking happy, than I have ever felt before in my whole damn life. If that isn’tcarefree, Peaches, I don’t know what the hell is.”

I smile, as I realize I trust him and all he’s saying. Trust us and what I feel. What’s more, I always have. And if I don’t want to lose the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me, I need to step over this invisible line, stop acting like awhiny bitch, and claim what’s mine.

“I didn’t plan on this, Grace,” he whispers, as he pulls me towards him. I fight him at first, afraid to feel our connection when our bodies touch, knowing it will push me over the edge. But fuck, it’s an edge I need to fall over, the only thing that is holding me back is I just need to know he’s ready to catch. “I’m sorry, for everything that’s hurt you before we met, everything that I couldn’t be there to stop. And hell, I know I’m no saint. I can’t promise you that life with me won’t be without faults.”

With him?

My heart soars on wings just like they write about in books at the possibility, something I’ve been silently hoping for, and I feel my breathing quicken as if it can get any faster than it already has.

“But I will never, ever, hurt you. Not like that. Not like him.”

A small sob escapes my lips. Pushing back another one quick on its heels, my throat clenches tighter as he attempts to pull me into his embrace once again.

“I’m done fighting this, Grace,” he whispers, and that’s all it takes. I move a step forward on instinct, not caring about the consequences and needing to feel, to hear, to know more of what’s finally happening between us. “I want you, us, so bad it hurts.”

I fist his shirt in my hands and pull him closer. His body flush against mine as his right-hand snakes around my waist, forcing me tight against his frame. His left-hand rests against my cheek as his thumb runs over my bottom lip. I still haven’t looked up, and I don’t know if I can for fear it will all be too much, too good to be true, and I’ll wake up from some perfect dream I know I’ll never be lucky enough to find again.

“Don’t talk, that’s fine, but don’t shut me out either,” he whispers. “Because I don’t think my heart can take it.”

I bite my bottom lip as a tear falls from my eyes. I feel the same. Whole heartedly, undeniably, with all my body and soul, the absolute same.

How did we get here?

How did this happen?

Life surprises you when you’re not looking.

And that day, in the coffee shop, focused on making sure there wereno distractions, I got handed the biggest one of my life.

We’ve been dancing around this for over a month, and he’s absolutely right. There’s no walking away. No shutting each other out. Webothcouldn’t live without each other now. He’s all the future I could ever want. And I’m his. It’s time we both stopped denying it.

---