Page 128 of Revival

“Whatever you have.” I wave my hand vaguely across her torso. “I’m into it. Your tits look fantastic in that dress, but then I remember burying my tongue between your ass, and I can’t choose. What about you?”

A rosy blush stains her cheeks. “I, well, everything you do is amazing, but I really liked when you… you know.”

“Licked your ass?” Leaning forward, I drop my voice and fill in the blanks. “Me too.”

Her body shivers before my eyes.

“What other questions do you have?”

“Do you have any for me?”

Cortney retrieves her cocktail. Her lips are sultry as they wrap around the black straw. “Are you okay with the fact that I won’t be able to have any more children?”

The next beat of my heart is a hard thump. Her direct question is exactly what I expect from her, and I don’t intend to skirt around the answer.

“I want you.” My gaze is steady on hers. “I could keep this simple and just say yes, but honesty is never easy. I hate the fact that my screwup led to a future where the two of us will never get to see if our babies get my eyes or yours. The way that hurts is as mental as it is physical. If we come to a decision someday that we want to parent together, then we’ll adopt. If not, I’m okay, gorgeous.”

The hollowing of her cheek gives away the way she bites the inside. “I’d like that. I’m sorry we missed that chance.”

“Me too.” Lifting her hand to my lips, I brush a kiss over her knuckles. “That’s enough questions for now. Order yourself another drink, and grab an app if you’d like. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” She smiles and picks up her menu.

I doubt she needs it. She’s lived here long enough to know the choices from memory. And if she’s still the girl I knew, I’d put money on her ordering a double bacon cheeseburger with fries and seasoned sour cream.

It used to be my favorite too.

Ducking down the hall to my left provides an escape from the busy bar. The crowd is growing as evening stretches into Saturday night. As much as I try to avoid it, the whispers and stares are starting to get beneath my skin. Nosy gossipers are filling their buckets to spread around church tomorrow morning. I can imagine the fake well-wishers using my misfortune during prayer service, pretending to give a shit for their fellow citizen.

It's exhausting being a spectacle.

But I refuse to be forced into my home, away from the public eye. I know once people get used to my appearance the whispers will fade. I just have to ride it out until then.

Cortney deserves it.

I think I may deserve it too.

A quick splash of water on my face seems to sort me right out. For a moment, I imagine Lucas looking up at me and laughing his ass off. Without a doubt, he’d enjoy my discomfort here a hell of a lot. Lucas never let anything hold him back or get him down. The guy just loved life in all its forms.

I’m determined to start living my life that way too.

I pull my phone out and send a text to my group chat with my brothers.

Me

Are you two free tomorrow around 11?

Sutton

Yep. What do you need?

Silas

It’s the Lord’s Day, so it depends what you want

Sutton

You aren’t religious

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