Chapter 1
“I’m sorry, but we haveno choice but to ask you to clean out your desk and vacate the property.”
Pastor Cash Johnson stared in disbelief at his head deacon.
He couldn’t believe it. They were going to fire him from the church that he had started? And pastored for the last decade?
He managed to find his tongue. “But her allegations are untrue. Doesn’t that mean anything?”
“I’m sorry. There’s really no way for us to know the truth for sure since it’s your word against hers. But if we want to save the church, if we want to continue to have a congregation, we have to do something. You know if we let this go, folks will leave the church in droves. No matter what the truth is, people aren’t going to trust you after this.”
“But I’m the same person I always was,” he said, surprised at how calm his voice sounded. There was a peace in his soul that had to come from the Lord, because he certainly was not expecting to have this happen this morning.
“I know that.” John Boxer met his gaze steadily. “But a pastor has to avoid any hint of impropriety. You’ve said that often enough yourself.”
Cash pressed his lips closed. He had said that. And he had broken his own rule.
“Do you believe her?” he asked, not even sure exactly what Zoe Newson was even accusing him of.
“We were good friends since before you were even a pastor. I knew you in college. And we went to high school together. You’re the most upright man I know. I don’t believe for a second what she’s saying is true. But I also know that over my lifetime, I’ve seen people do things I would never have believed that they could possibly do. Surely you see the best thing for the church is for you to go?”
Cash could see that. If it were another pastor in his position, he would be saying the same thing. But it was him. And he knew he was being honest when he said he had done nothing inappropriate with this girl who was accusing him of...he wasn’t even sure.
“What exactly did she say I did?” he asked, his whole inside feeling like it was melting down, but his voice was still calm. Maybe it was the peace of the Lord, or maybe it was just the fact that he was shocked and hadn’t really had this sink in. He felt a little bit like God had abandoned him just now. After blessing pretty much every single thing that he had done for the last fifteen years.
It was the first time John broke eye contact. He looked down and shifted, almost as though he were embarrassed to even speak the words out loud. “She said the two of you had been developing a relationship for a while. And she said you had a sexual relationship for the last month or so. She detailed times and places where you two...you know.” John looked distinctly uncomfortable and shifted in his chair.
“No, I don’t know. I didn’t do anything. There was no intimate relationship.” And for the first time, Cash could hear the anger coming out in his voice. “There was no relationship at all.”
“I’m not arguing with you. Although I did see with my very own eyes you standing at a basketball game with your arm around her, and then you gently led her toward the door. There was definitely tenderness in your touch. At the time—”
“She came to me crying! What was I supposed to do? Shove her to the ground?” He hadn’t wanted to touch her. It was his policy that he didn’t touch women. This was the exact reason, so that there was never any hint of impropriety. The Bible said to avoid all appearance of evil, and for his own personal standards, he took that a little further. Because he had never wanted to be in this exact position.
“Of course not. I didn’t think at the time there was anything going on at all. But in light of these new accusations, I’m just telling you what I saw. Other people saw it too.”
“It was a gymnasium full of people. I wasn’t hiding anything.”
John didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. He’d already said that Cash and Zoe were heading toward the door. That’s because Zoe had told him she needed to go outside. She claimed she got in a huge fight with her best friend and that her best friend had said that she was going to attack her in the parking lot. That’s why Cash had walked out with her, making sure she got safely to her car.
Come to think of it, Zoe had turned around, keeping a hold of him and trying to hug him.
He had extracted himself with some difficulty and told her to drive safely. Then he called her parents and let them know that she was upset and on her way home. He hadn’t followed through; in hindsight, he wished he would have. But in the amount of time he’d spent in the ministry, teenage girls were notoriously emotional and difficult. He had just chalked it up to that exact thing.
“So I don’t even get a chance to clear my name? I can prove that none of her accusations are true.”
He really couldn’t prove anything hadn’t happened behind closed doors, and there was one time where Zoe had walked into his office and shut the door and he hadn’t jumped up from his desk and run around and opened the door. He should have. He wished he would have, but he hadn’t. Now, the one time in his ministry where he’d allowed himself to be in a potentially compromising situation, it turned out that all of the work that he put into keeping his life and reputation aboveboard was going to be for naught.
Lord? How could You do this to me? How could You allow this to happen? Aren’t I serving You faithfully? Aren’t we seeing souls saved and lives changed in this ministry? Aren’t I giving You all the glory? I’m not driving around the country, tooting my own horn, writing books, and making millions. I’m pouring my heart and soul into this ministry You gave me and doing everything I can to serve the people here.
That was when his heart cracked. He loved the people of his congregation. He’d prayed for years that God would give him love, fervent and strong, for every single person who set foot in his church. God answered that prayer in ways Cash couldn’t even explain. Just by thinking about how much God loved him, spending hours every month meditating on God’s great love for him, picturing God looking at him in love, just those small things had completely changed his heart and attitude toward others and in particular the people of his church.
The idea of leaving them made him want to double over. It hurt even worse than the accusations of wrongdoing and the knowledge that even his head deacon and best friend, John Boxer, did not believe in his innocence enough to fight for him.
“I’m sorry, Cash. You can’t prove what didn’t happen behind closed doors. And the board must take this girl’s accusations seriously. The police are going to be involved; she’s underage. Our church is going to be dragged through the mud. The only thing that can possibly save us is for us to completely cut ties with you the second we hear about it. For us to even entertain the idea that you could stay on and we would fight this makes it look like we’re condoning that behavior. You know how this goes. The woman is always right.”
Even when she was dead wrong.
It was so unfair.