Page 29 of A Cowboy's Convenient Marriage

“But marriage. And he’d want me to move away from my family. I suppose that’s the thing I’m struggling with the most.”

“That’s funny. That was a big draw for me. To become a part of this big, happy family. I can’t imagine leaving.”

“The drawbacks of having such a wonderful family, right?” Ada said with a laugh. One would think there wouldn’t be any negatives associated with it, but she knew that Priscilla had struggled with that a little bit as well when she had considered marrying Cooper, the country music superstar. She didn’t know for sure whether he would want her to uproot her children and her life here and move somewhere else to be with him. She had been willing to go, but it had taken her a little while to adjust to the idea that she might have to leave everything that she loved and was familiar.

It turned out that Cooper had been willing to settle on the farm and, like Alaska, had fallen in love with the family.

But Cash was a completely different man, and he didn’t seem the slightest bit interested in the farm.

“It’s obvious he’s not a farmer. He’s not a rancher. He’s not interested in anything like that. So, I’m pretty sure that I’m the one who needs to become what he is.”

“That’s the way it is with women. I know that’s not a popular thing today, but in the Bible, it was always the woman who left her home and went with her husband. That was her place. I think God really blesses people who are obedient to that thought and idea. When you’re willing to leave what you want and work for the good of someone else. God doesn’t overlook that.”

“I agree. It’s interesting the way we as humans, we always think our ways are better, but we don’t know what’s best, do we? We really know nothing. And yet we always act like we know so much.”

“Yeah,” Alaska said, and they sat quietly together.

“Did you have any doubts about Ezra?” Alaska had had a bit of an arranged marriage. It wasn’t like they had fallen in love and had decided to get married. It was more like they had decided that marriage would be beneficial to both of them. A convenient marriage, kind of like she was considering.

“I think there’s something in every little girl, as she grows into a woman, that wants to have a man who loves and cherishes her. To think she’s special and treats her that way. Who maybe doesn’t worship the ground she walks on exactly, but makes it obvious to the world she’s his girl.”

“Yeah. I know I don’t look like the dreamy type, but I do kind of want that. And that’s not the kind of relationship Cash and I would have. We’re not doing this for love. And I’m wondering if doing it for money is a wise idea.”

“I can’t answer that. One billion is a once-in-one-hundred-lifetimes opportunity. I mean, that’s not something that normally happens to people. So I don’t think I would scoff at it too much. But marriage is a pretty important proposition too.”

“I know, and I’m trying to balance the two. The thing is, I know he’s Christian. I know he’s a good man, is honest and upright. There’s really no reason to say no, other than the idea that I would have to leave my family, but I guess I knew that day was coming at some point anyway, you know? I mean if I’m going to get married, almost certainly my husband would want me to be with him. I couldn’t put conditions on it like I’m not going to get married unless my husband’s willing to be a farmer. That wouldn’t really be showing faith that God’s bringing me the right guy. That he has to be what I want. You know?”

“And that’s what it’s all about. Faith. Giving up our way and being willing to do whatever God wants, even when it feels hard and goes against everything society says. In fact, I think that’s a true test of faith. When we don’t need to have it be our way. When we say, ‘okay, God, I’ll do whatever You want, no matter what.’”

“That’s a scary thing to say,” Ada said, thinking about how hard it would be for her to say that. She didn’t want to say something that she couldn’t follow through with, and she had no idea whether she would actually be able to do whatever God wanted. In fact, if she knew herself as well as she thought she did, she probably wouldn’t be able to do what God wanted. She would be afraid, she would pull back, she would settle back down into her comfortable, familiar, beloved lifestyle, surrounded by family and happiness and laughter and joy and hard work, sure, but all the things that made her feel happy and comfortable.

“I know. I was scared to death when I decided that I really was supposed to marry Ezra. I know that’s a crazy thing to say, because Ezra is such a good man and I’m head over heels in love with him now. But I don’t know if I was at the time. I was scared.”

“You did it anyway.”

“Yes. Because I knew it was what God wanted me to do. And I hadn’t done very many things that God wanted me to do in my life. But Ezra was a good, upright man who would raise my children to honor God and serve Him. That was worth any fear that I had to go through. In fact, I would almost say that marrying Ezra was the best decision of my life after choosing Jesus.”

“I wonder if I’ll ever say that. That getting married to Cash was the best decision of my life. I’m just scared.” There. She admitted it. The future felt very uncertain and mysterious without the familiarity of her family and everything she was used to. Going off somewhere else, perhaps moving to a completely different state, being without them when she had never been without them before.

“It’s funny the things that we’re afraid of. Why aren’t we afraid that we might do something that God doesn’t want us to do? Or not do things that He wants us to do? Shouldn’t that be where our real fear is? But human that we are, we’re afraid of the unknown, afraid of doing what God wants us to, because it takes us out of our comfort zone.”

“Do you think God wants me to marry Cash?” Ada asked softly, her words barely a whisper. She almost didn’t want to hear the answer.

“I think you’re the only one that can say that for sure. But if you’re even questioning, there’s probably a pretty good chance that He does. And if you are afraid, there’s even a better chance.”

“Yeah. If I don’t want to, I can almost be certain, but I feel like I shouldn’t and I’m afraid, that’s pretty much the hint that it’s God’s will.” She laughed, and Alaska joined in with her. It wasn’t that God always was asking her to do things that she didn’t want to. There were plenty of times where He allowed her to do things that were what she wanted and planned, but sometimes the things He asked her to do were so crazy she knew that they could only come from the Lord. Because she would certainly never do it on her own.

“That’s a good way to tell.”

“Thanks for coming in. I feel better for having talked to you. It’s good to know that you were afraid too. Look how things worked out for you.”

“Which doesn’t mean that they’ll work out that way for you, but it does mean that if we do what God wants us to do, we’ll be infinitely happier than we would be if we refuse to do what He wants and insist on our own way.”

“I agree.”

And somehow, that made peace wash over her that she hadn’t felt before. Alaska got up and hugged her before she walked softly out of the room.

She was going to tell Cash yes. She’d marry him. It felt in her gut like it was the right thing to do. Like she didn’t need all of the things that she and Alaska talked about, the head over heels in love, the man who treated her like his princess, and all of those things that little girls wanted. Better than any of that stuff was a man who followed the Lord. Why did humans place such value on things that really didn’t matter? And she, silly woman that she was, had fallen into the same trap, although she wouldn’t have said that she had, not until she examined herself and saw how petty her thoughts were, how far from wanting the Lord’s will she was.

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